Judge — November 29, 1884 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. A RUNAWAY COUPLE. THE NIGHT BEFORE THANKSGIVING. al crook in his elbo and, like his Hle-bow, he was gritty. | In diplomatic circles we du not believe he ever brought out this fiddle and played international tune It was in the quict of the evening that he got his grip on the fiddle, and allowed h soul to wander away on the strains of music, and if astring let down, he was never the man to let np on that account, bat kept right on, all he wanted was elbow room, and plenty of it. Washington's fiddle! is filled full of the What hands shall p Glorious relic! It music of the Union. y on it? Who shall bring the music of '76 out of it? Congress shouid buy it. He has left us his name, his sword, and his fiddle, By all means, let us have that fiddle—if only for @ minute or | two. Aut Czar ant Nihilist—with the chances | against the Czar. “Competition is the life of business, That's played out. Read: ‘ Competition is the business of life.” “Not what you eat, but what you digest,” the dyspeptic remarked, while making his way through the greasy griddle-cakes, the fried siner-krant, the hard-boiled eggs, and the beef-sterk a la tarpaulin, Whey the Anstin lawyer brought the candidate down to Bloodyshirt one of the crowd said, *‘ we like the cut and the make of your man well enough, but what has he ever done?” The lawyer, with a cunning meek- ness, answered, “well, Col. Fireproof, though he is every inch a gentleman, is young man yet, and never had a chance to distinguish himself—his virtucs are merely negative. For instance, he never went back on a friend and never pours his whiskey into his boots, and—” “That'll do. Jedge, with negative virtnes like them the Colonel kin stop in Bloodyshirt every night.” Then the Colonel proceeded to give the Bloodyshirts achance not to pour their whiskey into their boots. Dawe Nal Bestows her gifts, Man combs his own most unequally ‘tis but Nature, she Combs every rooster's head. AN eminent spo And was “going He swore on his hon He hit seventeen hares with onc But a friend, standi And exc ed, We can't swallow it sman was boasting his skill, * too, pre r, that once on a time sh his wrath estatement’s too big, sir, unle ‘ou admit that day i You were shootin Two ships meet in a fog. hip ahoy ship's dot?” “Tlelmet, ” was the reply. “ Helmityoutoo.” Tre Maid of Orleans wa: no doubt; but it is gross a fair maid; she was J. the chruniclers, a glorions maid A Law, passed last winter in one of the southern states, provides that the shop-girls | shall be provided with seats. Now the em- ployer will be able to report whether those too serve who only sit and wait, as well as those who only stand and wait. Proressor 15,000,000 v Proctor says that in abont | “irs every trace of water will | have disappeared from the face of the earth. | The Democrats have been claiming right | along that they would have things all their own way, one of these days, but they don’t generally set the date so far ahead. A GENTLEMAN—a foot artist by profes- sion—boldly takes the bull by the horns and | advertises himself as ‘* practical boot-maker.” We expected that it would come to this—that a practical age like ours wonld not be sati fied with a theoreti boot. — But this is only the entering wedge. With boots pr tically made, and poetry mechanically made, we may soon expect to have a supply of emo- | tions and metaphysics from the brick-yard | after A Fair Verdict. pat Lawyer—“ Ah, Mr. Winks, glad to see you. ‘The verdict is in.” Client—* Already Yes, sir, I knew I would get it. You receive $5,000, but you are to pay half the yo” Fair enough, I am sure. What are the costs? 810,000." — Philadelphia Call. Sugar in His'n. GENERAL STRONGL who waz once governor of Arkansaw, could stand defeat or success about as well as any man known to the thrilling history of our country. Once, while his chances of victory were in the hands of his friends assembled in state con- | vention, the General and several supporters t in the rotunda of the leading hotel. ‘The result of each ballot was brought by Wall,” said the General, after receiving returns from the forty-first ballot, “if Jack- son climbs much more he'll down me.” “I'd be prepared for the worst,” some one remarked. “Oh, Lam prepared. Tlello, here's the “General, Tam pained to inform that you are defeated ” “That sc Well come up and let's have something.” leading th the bar, What will you all take addressing the bar-tonder, “give me ‘a whiskey sour. Just’then a man dashed in and exe “General you bors, aimed: six connties have changed their vote you are elected.” That Say, Bill, you may put a little sugar in mine."—Arkansaw Traveler. He Was Cool. Ture had been a row in a western town, and after a great deal of promiscuous shoot: ing, Jim Jackson, a noted tough, was killed and the fun stopped. Arrests’ were made and the participants were brought before the ‘ourt. When Duff, one of the prin- cipal witn took the stand, a young law- yer tackled him, “Your name is Duff, I believe,” he said, little skirmishing around the e “That's what they calls me,” answered “You were in this ro’ “In course. Yer don’t s’pose I’m losin’ chances fur fun, dees yer? 1 hain’? missed one in ten year, in this town, unless I happened to be over the river, preticipatin’ in somethin’ uv the sort on thet side.” ** Did you see this man, Jackson, shoot at anyone “Ye “Was it carly in the difficulty?” “Well, I never knowed Jim to wait fur interductions in a case uv emergency.” “Did he appear to be agitated when you first saw him? No more’n you'd be in chargin’ a man ten dollars for fifteen cents wurth 0” work.” “Don’t be personal, I want to know if Jackson was also cool in the latter portion of the trouble?” “Yer betcher life he wuz cool. dead day.” ‘The witness was ordered to step down.— He was colder’n a Sunday roast on a wash and the rolling-mill. Merchant Traveler. comicbooks.com