Judge — November 22, 1884 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ballad of the Baby. He's come where he'll have to for his grub, And reach out for everything 5 He'll weep when they first ¢ nto the tub, nd hell get shaken up when he fre They'll think he’s smart when he learns to crawl, nd they'll go into tits when he talks; | And he'll have the most fun when he’s very, very small, For he'll have to alone when he walks, we bawl. And then we talk, And then we crawl, And then we walk And from that time on we are prone to gi trouble as the railroad cinders into the hum Ex. From an Overwhelmed Father. Dear Mr. Eprte May I enroll your sympathy with my aflictions, for I'am the father of twelve daughters, each of whom has taken up a vocation. Angelina, my eldest, is an asthetic, and swears by Morris, Oscar Wilde, and other high art demons. — She tells me I have no taste, because I rebel against bottle-greens, a-soup drabs, and anemone pinks My second hope, Clandina, is a Blue Ribbonite, she looks d sdrawn at anyone who takes a modest glass, and always exhibits her medal purposely when any friend comes in to see us whom she knows is hospitab! NOT NEGOTIABLE. Number three, Sarah, disapproves of balls, and writes pamphlets against them. Tramp—* Give me your money or My fourth, Prudence, isa seur de charite; YounG Max—= My money is invested, and my life is insured.” while Edelwe uthletic maiden, plays Tramp—" Well, give me your watch, then.” tennis for wage! nd lives in : B Mas—"/yace my watch to my Cmele, some few days since.” state of excitement, natural e “Well, blame it, give me something.” . has to catch trains for far-off destinations, Max—"*/ wil you good day.” Ta, ta.” being the champion tennis player of our , , neighborhood. = Serenita, the youngest of my half dozen is | canine pets, and the parr rieks, “ Down An Echo's Warning. literary, she writes for the Cornef, Junor, | With Home Rule,” which I echo enthusi - anda paper called Old Spoons in a New | Pap Bowl. She sometimes nibbles her nails | _ Once more, dear Mr. Editor, pity me. Nte falling slowly from the trees, off for ideas, and wears her “bustle” across | Sometimes I could write scientifically on th Atl the ehilly a 1 breeze her shoulders through sheer agony of soul; | latest shade of crushed strawberry, or zesthe Watts the echo of a sneeze but her mental strain isnothing to Washing- | old gold, but my dreams are interrupted. by Froma:distanice'to ourear tonia, my seventh olive branch, for she is | Claudina dilating on soda-water, and ail Shakespeare mad, and greets us with quota- | anti-intoxicating drinks tions, at every corner, from ‘“Ifamlet,” | Exit my fair blue Ribbonite, and enter 7 “Richard the Third,” ‘ Much Ado about | Edelweisa, followed by the new Curate, who That s td Nothing,” and spends her time in learning | spite of ‘her being the champion tennis| —_ Ferther ee an entire play daily, so that she talks the yer of the year for our neighborhood That tie 8 Bard of Avon familiarly in ordinary life, ed himself, and plighted his atfec —Boston Poat. and whenever asked the question, shall the | $ Tam, PF accept, for he has | 5 ered leg of mutton be roasted or boiled, she turns | spell. Just as I have received their homage, A Lesson in Astronomy. up, her eyes, and sighs, ‘“ Uneasy lies the | Lam besieged by Prudence, my sweet sons — head that wears a crown,” or if the dress- harite Papa,” she exclaims, “Pas | 'Tiey were young and romantic, and al- maker inquires the width of her fair wast, | : played with my affections, and | though the minute 1 was pointing to she answers low, and moans, * To be, or not ed all my hopes. I wore this dress to [twelve o'clock, they stood upou the porch to be. ly und T shall die an « uid!” gazing at the stars. Alfrida, on the contrary, my eighth blos- | Prudence’s sobs unite with Edelweisa’s | ‘*Phat’s Jupiter, dear, isn’t it?” she som, has all the nursery rhym hercom- | song of jay, and the wedding takes murmures mand, and on the most sole mn trolls | the bridesmaid’s dresses being gorg * Yes, pet, and that is Sirius,” he replied, “High Diddle, cats in the I nd her | embroidered with a gold and bli | pointing to another star dress is in exact imitation of it, 01 the latest | entertwined with a pair of tennis + Are you Siri she coed. child’s Fairy story. But, my dear Mr, Editor, you can sympa. He kissed her several times. Then he Georgette, my ninth, is fast, and smokes, | thize, in that there is one less surplus woman Tupward and said and swears like a trooper, and copies the | ready to follow the latest freak of fashion. “That's Mars, dove second rate actresses’ costumes, She wrangles | Yours faithfully, “And that’s pas,” perpetually with Claire, who is artistic, and | The footstep sounded inside, und if the young paints out of focus on terra-cotta, and works man hadn't scooted he would have seen m: flowers that never existed in crewel-work. =— stars than he ever dreamed of. He Florence is devoted to pups, and has | LTIVATING habits of economy i wears a 1201-20 with a br dachshund and a hideous bull dog in atten- | right if dene in an economnical manner; Hatchet. dance. She is my last but one sylph, and | otherwise it will bu » the too s my climax is reached when (cor- | young man all the “ALWAYS in a come-at-toes condition”— ruption of Fanny) her cockatoo at the | fancy farming. The chiropodist.—Matchet, _ astically ‘ow the leaves nwn and s And that echo tous Oft this tale of told he whispered, Father of Twelve Daughters. comicbooks.com