Judge — November 15, 1884 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

They Won't Elope. the other n-year old afternoon, and ¢ daughter into the parlor he began: asie, Eh | : | | Te went home an hour ve been thinking “Thave been thinking that it would be a | good plan for you to marry William, our | coachman.”” “ Wewhat!” Ie is old enough to be your sure, but he would doubtless ther, to be you a good husband “Never! never!” “Tle is. plain-looking, uneducated, and sometime: drunk, but I believe I could respect him as a son-in-law.” “Why, father, have you lost your mind? I marry Wil I wed that long-nosed, hump-backed, big-mouthed boor! I'll dic first!” | pu know ay another word to me “ But, Susie, “TH not list and I'll take poison! Then the old gent slid out to the barn, med his humblest look and said to the hman: William, I've been wondering why you don’t get married,” “Humph.” “There's my daughter young, but will make a wom believe in early she can agree “Your Susie? ass » objections. f Me marry her! B don, sir, and hopi ‘ou wont throw me out | of my place for my boldness, but if that im- pudent little chit was the only female left on earth, I’d turn my back on her!” “Tut, William, I would try to be a “No use, sir! ‘There's neveran hour that SRO PEESION SPT rapes I don’t want to box her ears. If you insist PROFESSIONAL PRIVILEGES. I'l skip the country!” And when the ol gent picks up his and sees the heading: ‘ Another (Scene iN Livenpoot.) Vigorous-LookInG Panty (to gentlen * Look Vere, 1 l’understand you steamship felle Well, we want to go, by your line, to Ameriker. official) — ly gives perfeshinal rates to perfeshinals, | {| off with the Coachman,” he | Orrictat—* Ha! ha! Yes, we do somecimes make concessions, but pardon me, | and slaps his leg | what profession, clergyman, or (noticing the disabled eye) journalists?” n thaw! haw!" —etroit V. Party—“ Well, you see, 1 Wain'l got no partickler fake myself, but my wi Free Press. is goin’ over to work the Perfeshinal Beauty racket.” ~ , _ | A Fire Risk. “Get Thee Behind Me, Satan. A Curious Name for a Dog. Bridget,” said a Van Ness} youxa Andy G avenue matron to her cook the other ¢ ‘Il | wenton a fo: really can’t allow you to have company in| jn the pantry. at A MAN said toa little boy: “ What do you call your dog, sonny?” “ Psalm, sir.” awful the Kitchen every night.” . act by his moth «Psalm, Psalm, that’s a curious name for “I's all along of the terrible fire in Chica- | "Oh, Andy,” she eaid how many times | adog. What possessed you to give it that go, mum. . », | must I speak to you about be ‘What on earth has that to do with it. Didn't [tell you “Why, mum, ever since then I do be | felt tempted to | afraid of fire, so that I have one of the boys from the engine house round the corner | come and sit with meevenines, It do m me feel more comfortable like, somehow. San Francisco Post. bad? | name? whenever you Kecause the animal is not a him, sir.” “Get thee | —Brchange. | A cuurcn bell at Saratoga recently rang one hundred and four times—one stroke for each year of its existence. We imagine this to be the only instance op record where the age of a Saratoga belle has been tolled.— Yonkers Statesman. “Tell other, the other day, Andy contritely, “an? I he did get behind me, an’ he pushed me right into the pantry.” M Gre: rt doesn’t realize what a splendid paragrapher her son will make Ir does not matter now-a-days whether | when he grows up.— Hatchet. the star actress is trained or not, so long —— her dresses are.— Boston Transcript. we heard one man say to an- “T didn't know you at first, why! you look ten years younger than i did when I saw you last.” « T feel ten as Wiex Bass was censured for jilting one str :NT—“ Another bad report, | girl in favor of another, he said he had my. son. Yes, papa, you must really | ways supposed that a change of heart was | yes ngor,” wasthe reply,“ You know 1k to my teacher, or he will keep on doing | something to congratulate a person upon} 3} i PY ers talkto: my Ng ie 1 at I used to be under the weather all the time '— Waterloo Observer. rather than blame him for.—Hoston Trans- 1 © Up expecting to be any better, ectric girl” has been discovered in | C*!#- The doctor said Thad consumption. I was But she is not the first curiosity Janitor (to his wife who has hung the | terribly weak, had night- cough, no J discovered in that country. Mile. | water pail on the gas jet)—* Bridget, me appetite, and lost flesh. I saw Dr, Pierce's Aimee, the opera bouffist, was an el darlin’, did Mr. lye to put | ‘Golden Medical Discovery’ advertised, and girl. ‘Any sensible old lady who this pail on. the gas: thought it would do no harm if it did no y heron the stage, says she was ‘‘shocking.” ; but he wo: ’ that the gas, good. It cured me. I ama new man be- —Norristown Herald. was laking, shure! ”— Washington Hatchet. ' cause I am a well one.” comicbooks.com