Judge — November 8, 1884 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Lana Sy cather THE JUDGE. Deno. Party (to Cleveland)—‘* Excuse these precautions for keeping you quiet till after election, the indiscretions of your predeces I resolved at any not to begin again. I did so fear, by a look in his eye, that he would soon get’ to his liver, then I knew nothing would stop him. I aprang to my feet, be me, urged a very important en, my excuse for ordering when Mra. Phester ha ter’s muflles, and had apologized for his don- ning the ventilated hat before he left the room, and when Hannah them to the door, and winked to th man—I saw her do it—I had her up, and I told her, as she valued her situation and for a good discharge from me when rted, that she must never, never admit ain. She might credit me with the small-pox, the Egyptian plague of flies, anything she liked. So she kept me safe from another morning call from my hypochondriac neighbor. "P's an old maid, and I know it is my duty to live for others, but another dose of the Phesters would kill me. The ‘ Pesters” Hannah Jane calls them, and her pronunciation will never be contra- dicted by her tormented mistress ° TanitHa TompKins. opped at Inst THE bolt of bolters was intended to be a thunderbolt. It turns out to be only a blunder bolt. Wuen the deserters return to the Repub- lican camp will the order be to hang them? Oh no! It will be Betsy Trotwood’s order: “Janet heat the bath.” Then bring out the scrubbing brushes, the carbolic acid, and chloride of lime. | bill, the brick-la; ors make it a political necessity.” The Recluse. 1 deep student of some sort of lore, just say what they term it,) ich interrupted by leisurely nds That he longed for the life of be left And the Determined t Till he f 1 hermit; puta tld ab ed work for He found it! ‘Tw Twas round a Asn How lucky n for he eried ituati as he moved in tude! dearly [prize her. Here hard Tean study alone by myself, Tne great American Vetoer is down on his luck. The car conductors and drivers are down on him for his veto of the twelve hour bill, and the workingmen and laborers are down on him for vetoing the fi yers and carpenter on him for his veto of the mechanic's lien law. The Catholics are down on him for his op- position to their just demands, and ministers of all denominations—except’ Beecher—are down on him for vetoing the Seventh ( mandment, © cent ire down m= AN Englishman who spent several days in this country says the Americans ancholy-looking people. Te ¢ e the mistake in coming here green apple ad, ently in the ason,— Philadelphia Call. re Mrs. Dynamite’s Lace Curtains. Mus. Dyxawute’s lace curtains are up, and hang in well starched folds from all the front windows, but Mrs. Dynamite is down and more than that old Dynamite is down Flat on their backs’ they both lie, victim of Mrs, Dynamite’s economy, and the or is in regular attendance. Mr. Dynamite says its all the fault of his wife her cussed fall hou aning, while Mrs. Dynamite declares hi ot no- body to blame but himself. He might have known the s jer was a etty old thing, and he needn't have his balance if he'd tried to keep it. Bridget’s account of the affair is as follow: * You see its breakfast they were, mesilf a waitin’ on the tal Dhynamite shpoke up and si | himsilf was to hilp her wid the lace | He told her + he'd no to be boddher- ing wid the loikes of her, and to sind for an upholshterer.” *Indade, and she wouldn’t un upholshterer,” says she, yes ea iif in half an hour. Be thankful on’t live in the counthry and hey to set up shtoves and shtovepipes.’” sez she, and wid that she sint me afthur the shtep- laddher which is an ould one. Well, the masther, he cussed and he swore and he pounded his nails, but the Missis she paid no attintion to him at all, till they raiched th lor flure. Thin whoile he was a shtruggling wid a lot of stuff she called he got that mad that he rintirely, and pulling too hard ove, down comes the heavy . all the modrass and the shtep- ldher and the Masther all atop of the sis hersilf. She gave wan scrame, I gave nother, and wid that up come the cook and | we pulled and hauled the two of ’em from ray. what the M anc called it as soon uke me out of the atop, wasn’t 60 much | hurted, but the Missis was that bad, t wWhin the docther he administhered aythe} queenane, thou its mesilf that racommindid nayther, made from the red sin wance removed, whin her husband till from top of the building in the hod he w nd killed himsilf, laving a widow and three small childers all loike himsilf, and red clover blossoms was what Missis requhired, Shure if she'd had it, she not be alvin’? there now wid acracked chlavickel or fwhat- iver it is. fhe nixt: morning she twold me to go for e upholshterer to. repair the dimages, id now the house cleaning is » curtains are oop whoile the f do be down, ays the Musther will be all row, und its mesilf that docther | roight by to-me hopes he will. The two of ‘em t room, is sth crazy, ‘The names they d another, aich ot rither, sick in th to dhrive St. same Patrick be for iver callin’ wan ¢ lashins they give dhrive a poor gurrul distracted. Thank Iiven, they be both on the mend. Wan thi the nixt toime Missis Dynamite or any other Missis attimpts to hang lace curtains widout the upholshterer, I'll give warning the inshtant I'm sint for | the shtep laddher.” comicbooks.com