Judge — October 11, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

An L. E. G. SUGGESTED BY THE GIFT OF A PIN-CUBIION ECCEN TRICALLY SHAPED, Ou limb of lovely lines and curves, Once quick with living blood at Once blushing faintly like the re ‘Thro’ silken fineness of thy h Shall I stick pins into thee? No! perhaps, once skip and jump, y foot with! ty pump; thou didst dance, Tricked out in gauz nts No more you'll trip it Pinned fast is thy fan! but minus 7 ‘ou go— Thy skin is brown; perhaps less fair From life in open air; Did Indian brave thy mistress woo While paddling swift her bark « What chief could sce thy swelling calf And not forsake his better half? To longer guess would prove me dunce What dainty maid did 0” » thee once. Of her sweet form the world’s bereft; ‘This padded shank is all that's left. Shall I stick pins into thee? No! Oh, not for Joseph, not for Joe. Zoe mou sas agapo! an What it Costs to Sharpen a Carving Knife. THeRe are two things in this world that Mr. Dynamite is particular about. One is his razor and the other is the carving knife. Mrs, Dynamite stopped cutting her corns with the razor some time ago, ever since she found she could have the painful things ex- tracted by some one else for 25 cents apiece, but she has never ceased her depredations on the carving knife. Explosions of temper over the dullness of this implement are fre- quent in the Dynamite family, but a few eve- nings ago, after Mrs, Dynamite had whacked several pieces out of the blade in trying to crack a cocoanut with it, Dynamite’s rage knew no bounds. He made’such an awful fuss that Mrs. D. actually did remember to take it out to the knife grinder’s the next morning. Dull ‘as it was, she managed to cut her finger while trying to wrap a paper around it. The knife grinder lived in a basement— knife grinders always do—and Mra. D. THE JUDGE. | slipped and hurt her foot in getting down the ricketty old steps. The sharpening process completed, she concluded ake would not go directly home, but would do a little s g and take the knife along with her. Of course, she laid it down on the counter of the first store she went into, and, of course, she went off and for- got it. ‘Then the clerk requested the cash boy to take the parcel to the ** found” desk, The cash boy grabs the parcel with much more alacrity than he usually does the change shoppers are waiting for, and cuts his hand severely with the blade. ‘Some drops of blood spurt ont onaseven dollar a yard piece of | brocade, that Mra, Dynamite had been look- but all the customers and clerks gather around the little cash boy to repair damages on his dirty little paw. Meanwhile Mrs. D., having missed her knife, returns to look for it. She takes in the situation at a glance, and while every body else is busy with the boy, her sharp e discover her lost treasure on the floor wh the cash boy had dropped it. Half frightened to death at the dama; she had done, she’stoops and picks up the knife, and is about to escape from the store, when she feels a hand her shoulder and a grail voi ks her if that knife is hers. Explanations follow that, prove embarassing to Mrs. Dynamite, and she is finally allowed to leave the store with the carving knife, but first obliged to give her addr That night the knife cuts the roast-beef to even old Dynamite’s satisfaction, but the next day, when he receiv pill for twenty-one dollars worth of damage done by carving knife to three yards of brocade, and also has to pay fifteen dollars for surgical operations on cash boy’s digit, another explosion takes place that is ‘worse than the family experienced for some time. He stormed and raved to such an extent that Mrs. Dynamite told him that ‘if he were hanging by the neck and there was nothing but the carving knife within reach for ten miles, to eut him down with, she wouldn’t touch it. He could choke for all of he “All right,” he said, ‘he hoped she wouldn't. He'd rather die, than suffer tor- tures with adull carving knife ‘That thirty six dollars and thirty cents wasa pretty steep OLD TACTI price but he'd gladly pay it to have her let his tools alone.” Whereupon she called him an unfeeling brute, and went to the store and told the clerk if they expected her to pay full price for alleged damages to the brocade, they could just give her the goods. She is now congratulating herself on the possession of enough seven dollar brocade to fix her black silk just lovely, and old Dynamite’s none the wiser. A Case of Assault. A peppLer, with a donkey cart, persist- ently kept in the way of a street car, till the the conductor, leaping down, seized the ass by the head and held it till the car had passed. ‘The aggrieved peddler nursed his nce till he met his cousin—one of the —who promptly ran the conductor in. At the police court the magistrate refused to entertain the charge, till the peddlar made it out a case of ‘* Ass-halt,” when he had no alternative but to hold the man to answer. Bail was promptly furnished, and conductor and peddler left the court together. No sooncr had they reached the sidewalk, how- ever, than the irate defendant proceeded to knock the complainant down, jump on him, and otherwise maltreat him—winding up the performance by biting off his nose. Both were quickly in court again, and the mutilated. peddler preferred a fresh com- plaint. ‘This time the magistrate adjudi- cated the case promptly. “Bit off your nose, did he? — Well, he’s bound over to keep the piece.” | His Foars Were Quicted. Tuey had just planned an elopement, “But,” said he, ‘1 don’t exactly like thi business after all.’ Suppose your husband should catch us,”” “Oh, never mind him. He has often sworn that nothing should stand in the way of my happiness.” “Indeed, but suppose he s us and want to take you bac “Oh, I should simply remind him of his statement that he would willingly die for me any time, and tell him it is now time.” uld overtake Legare THe NOREKS. WE WILE MARS; I wo maT TER yy | POURT MEANS, ELECTORAL VOTES OF THE |] Sourmenn STATES cs comicbooks.com