Judge — October 4, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A TERRIBLE WARNING TO DUDES. Sad result of “Reformer” Schurz’ too free indulgence in Democratic whiskey. of folly that only a woman’s caprice could invent. Yes, it is a fact, my boy, that when @ pretty woman laughs, some purse com- plains. Put ap at anction—the prices. Stolen sweets—kissing another man’s wife. An overcoat on the back is worth two at your uncle's, A horse-shoe is made of wrought iron, but when the horse drops it on the road it is “cast” iron, My son, don’t be abashed at the boldness of the woman who laughsat love; she is like the boy who whistles in the dark to keep his courage up. “Hullo! What's this?” demanded the fanny man as a decrepid thing with two dozen patches on it hobbled in on erutches. “Oh, I'm only the charch-fair-oyster- stew-juke come back,” replied the miserable object, as it lay down on a sheet of paper and waited for the fanny man to give it some- thing to do. We have jnst received the following re- markable despatch :— Flathorse Bottoms, N. M., Sept. 26. Lightning struck a tree here to-day, on which s robin was sitting. It snatched every feather out of the bird, split his bill in three places, pared his toe-nails to the quick, knocked him croas-eyed, and yet left him in such good condition that, when the storm was over, the bird flew chirping away in search of a ready-made suit of clothes to cover his nakedness from the sight of s and unsympathetic world. P. 8.—This story is vouched for by a con- |gressman, two colonels, and other eye-wit- | nesses of equal veracity. Boa: “You haven’t found that rich wife yet, you were looking for?” Foggs—* No, but I'm on the point of do- | ing so. Boggs—“ How?” Foggs—‘‘I've just hired out toold Midasly as coachman, and he has adanghter that is unengaged; so, you see, my marriage is a matter of only a few months, at the furthest.” Thumper—* Business must be brisk with Podger—‘ On the contrary, it never was | worse.”” ‘Thumper—“But T hear yon have promised your daughte: 0) piano.” Pod, ‘So I have, on a certain contin- “* And what is that?” she shall have it if Cleve- land is elected Thnumper—*‘ Then shell never get it. Podger—‘ That’s the reason I’ promised it.” “Motty, I wish you would be a better little girl,” said an’ Austin father to his little danghter. “You have no idea how sorry I am that mama hus to scold you the time.” ‘Don’t worry about it, pa, was the reply of the little angel; “Tam not one of those sensitive children. Half the time I don’t hear what she says.”—Tezas Siftings. She Apologizes. ase, can T €¢ Ob. y You ve had tin And I haven't Yes, [sat When we ne int needn't frown; to sw emper down —not very close— went into Deln But he paid for the « nico’s sand wine we had, love! Why, Jack, how unkind you far ou know right well, Thad rat © Wiener Seunitze dl trutiles be Jack's, a dear old stupid, L thought y and beer with with any and Jack's though you're awful nice, ought to economize; irl re parties and fe ur You'll have w I'm hely for all y y can raise next year; ize; now, don't j You're looking as black Because—speak loue Him to hold my « We must do the civil for the And you know the fellow that treats 1 And—oh, cme, Jack, you re p thunder c because 1 allowed me—well, what next? invites ights, t really vexed? And T let him carry my Ldido't Excu ink you were I really didn't, Jack. Lit you swore fearful be Way's so many fallals to p me Anything ¢ Iwas kinder to him than I That's just where your jealousy tent Well, whi per! ¢ 1 tell you Three words that Thompson will *Llove you Ob, you think, T see, lead be ver hear— and now are we frien¢ Mrs. Spivtren i the matutinal meal by s thing in general, and nothing in particular, and is telling Mr. Splutter for the hundredth time t e never in all her born day a hired girl that could wash a dish ri perly, much I when little conundram like the Splattere: a rings out, ** Because eh ‘Then after his mother, slipper in hand, has chased him around the table three times without catching him, and has hit her bunion on achair leg, he escapes threugh a side door, and goes up street singing ** Sweet Viol while Mrs. S—— gives the remainder of the family a piece of her wi in language more emphatic pro- lecent € D Tee, out the followin, Why as the new servant pirl letter 1 e of the little newer, Tommy ahes ma mad,” “EpMonp Dantes,” the Sequel to Alexan- Dumas’ great no he Count of Mon- risto,” an enlarged edition of it isin press and will be published in a few T. BL Peterson & Brothers, Philadelphia. the point where The Count of Mont Cristo” ends, mond Dantes” takes up the fascinating narrative and continues it with marvellous power and ubsorbing in- terest unto the end Besides the hero, Haydee, Mercedes, Valentine de Villefort, Eugenie Danglars. L d’ Armilly, Zuleika ntes daughter), Benedetto, Lucien Di Albert de Morcerf, Beauchamp, C! d, Ali, Maximilian Morell, Gio- vanni Massetti, and Esperance, (Dantes’ son) figure prominently, while Lamartine, Ledra Rollin, Louis Blane hosts of other revolutionary leaders are also introduced. comicbooks.com