Judge — October 4, 1884 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

own, for the first time in my life, that I had found children too much for me, and that I would never try to manage them single handed again. It happened like this: Sc let fever broke out among the Conevs. Their parents were in despair. ‘They all had it, more or less, Poor Mrs, Coney Warren was fairly worn out nursing them.” I am one of those fortunate people that are impervious to infection. I did what I could to hel her, and the children were all on the mend, and in a condition to be benefitted by change of air, before she succumbed to the malady. I was unable to resist her earnest entreaties, so I agreed to go out of town with her treas- ures, nd we found a charming spot on the banks of the Hudson, where we located ourselves for a month’s country air and bracing. We all know the old proverb that “ Bachelor’s wives and old maid’s children are the best managed.” Do not laugh at me, my dear readers, I did really imagine that in one month I could counteract the bad effects of their mother’s years of foolish indulgence. I used to talk gravely tothem, and tell them scripture stories. Little Hugh used to tell falsehoods, so I drew a moral from the story of Annanias and Sapphira, but it was no use, for, a few days after, he told me, ‘‘he guessed there no chance of him dropping dead, for he had told nothing but lies the last two days, and did not feel a bit the worse, and that he had the Coney constitution anyway.” Then I was sorry I read them about the evil spirits being sent into the herd of swine, for afterwards they liked to play that they were the herd of swine, and they used to ash violently toward the parapets, that I 's feared they would be dashed into the al rive Then their anxious mother had sent so many different nostrums and garments with them, and the twins were so like each other I never could tell which one was to have Cod liver oil, and which chemical food. Which had the delicate throat to be muffled, and which the relaxed throat to be braced. I labelled them at last, and that removed my difficulties for a time, till I found they used constantly to change the labels, with a view of mystifying me. Their nurse was not with them as she fhad fled at the first rumor of scarlet fever. Then their acquaintances soon became legion, they were not exclusive, and I could not make them so, ‘Aunt Tabby,” they called me, and I soon became “ Aunt Tabby” to every child, rich or poor, good, bad or indifferent, in the whole place. It was an awful month to me, and I was more than thankful when their mother was able to come and release me and I was free to return to my own quiet home. Mr. Coney Warren must be enormously wealthy, otherwise how could he afford to take his wife, children and nurses for a tri to Europe, as he has done this summer. helped Mrs. Coney Warren to pack, so I have some small conception what the under- taking was. I think one ship, and a good one, might have been chartered to convey the children’s flannels and physics. She brought two goats to insure a sufkcient sup- ply of milk for the darlings. Two nurses, who were warranted good sailors, a tutor for the boys, and a governess for the girls. Her medicine chest was as large as her state room. And as to her stores of provisions— but why should I go into further particular: I saw them all, father, mother, governess, goats, children, tutor, nurses, and baggage safely on board, and steadily declined the Lord Lollypop is collecting material for his forthcoming boo the Wilds of America.” — He joins an excu conversation with the Captain: Lord L.—* Now—aw—Captain, who Captain—* People!” waiting to catch our rope!” earnest entreaty of the whole family that I would bear them company Thad a letter from Mrs, Coney Warren announcing their safe arrival in Liverpool, part of which I shall transcribe here for the enefit of my readei “My dear Tabitha.—lere we are, actually in Liverpool, and I know you will be thank- ful to hear my dear ones bore the journ wonderfull I took care to have them m aged just my own way, and the result wa all I could have hoped.” * Here followed a long and vivid description of the experiences of each child, and her treatment of them. ‘Then the letter con- tinued: “I do not feel quite satisfied that we re: had the full benetit of our goats. The bu cher milked them, and, I fear, made a prac- tice of distributing part of the milk to the other passengers, and supplying the deficit with water. Our landing was attended with great and innumerable difficult Our way on shore had literally to be paved with gold, and Coney got rather cross, and said we had too many animals, too much luggage, and more attendants than we required, but as I told him it was actually flying in the face of Providence to grumble as he was doing, for were not all our precious children well and happy, and what more could a really fond papa desire? Iam sure we haa only just what baggage was absolutely necessary, and as to attendants we had scarcely cnousi on They're no more people than you are, rsion to Staten Island, and has the following aw those people on the board. And as to animals, you know, dear ‘Tabitha, I only allowed the dear children to take one pet each, besides the goats, which were really a necessity. But Coney has be- come so fractious and fussy of late, not a bit like his old self. Then we had a very tire- some delay atthecustoms. A very ignorant and opinionated officer, who was Inspecting our luggage, succeeded in raising a panic with regard to Baby’s rus You know there is only one kind ‘of rusk that ever agrees with my babies. So, fearing I might not be able to get them in England, | brought a large supply. The silly man_ persisted there was dynamite in them and insisted on detaining them, In vain Coney and I rea- soned with them, explained the real use of the rusk, and brought Baby forward as a further proof of our statements. They would neither open the cases themselves, nor allow us to do so, and at last they plunged them under water and opened them there after delaying us here three days. ‘They looked foolish enough then, but persisted it was a natu hed, they said, more biscui could eat in a year. That is all very fine for them, but what shall I do if Baby suffers fram a change of diet? And Coney is so cross and seems to blame poor me for all the delay and expense. I am almost tempted to regret having taken my darlings from their comfortable home, Please, dear Tabitha, do not forget to go as you promised, every day to our house, and | go‘all around it for me. — Soas to be sure comicbooks.com