Judge — September 27, 1884 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. The dress-coat will be worn as long as the wearer can’t get credit for a new one. I: is good form to mix grass widow's weeds with timothy and clover. Cane handles will be made, in shape and contents, liké nursing bottles, so that the sucker may suck for profit as well as for or- nament. Plug hats, it is expected, will be occupied by a rather superior breed of plugs. Such improvements have been made in fashionable es ps, that the wearer can now sce almost as well with as without them. Horse-racing at church fairs is going out of fashion, or ated only as an occasional relaxation. from the lemonade and prize ayuu-books, An Epic Poem. IN SIX BOOKS, By Cuanizm K. DoLtox BOOK 1. Swims, Clothes On limbs. BOOK 11. Man Sees, ‘Tukes, Flees. ROOK 111. BOOK Iv. Colder Feel Homeward Steals. BOOK V. Lecture, Fed, Shingle, Bed. BOOK ¥T. Sorry, Weeps, Dreamland, Sleeps. Female Manias. Irseemsto be a fashion now-a-days for cach and every woman to have a mania of some sort. ‘The ruge for bric-a-brac, and articles of virfu is rather on the wane, but no well- constructed belle at any of the popular resorts this summer would have been found dead without an odor bottle the size of a carnffe. and a pet canine in her embrace. Besides all this, most of the fair creatures are aflicted with a silk stocking, a bracelet, a parasol, or, entre nous, a garter craze, but a certain Mrs. Hornblower holds herself aloof from such frivolitics and spends most of her time and her pin money in accumulut- ing an unlimited number of handkerchiefs. «* Mouchoirs’ she has called them ever since her return from Europe, where she ransacked the shops of London and Paris and made large additions to her stock of treasures, 'To the ordinary female, handkerchiefs are divided into two classes, tho ‘‘show-ers” “TRUTI CRUSHED TO EARTH SHALL RISE AGAIN.” Swat Boy—“ JU jist add a word to his sign, and make him speak the truth.” and the “blowers,” but Mrs. Mornblow- er’s ‘*mouchoirs” are much more elab- orately classified and she has at least half a dozen for every possible and impossible occasion. Unfortunately she cannot car- this vast cargo of small linens about | with her, and so it frequently happens that with all her provident forethought she finds herself without the proper article at a critical moment. For instance, she attired herself for making callsa few days ago, for- getting that on her list was a visit of condolence to an intimate friend. When she reached the dark and dismal parlor of the much bereaved female she suddenly remem- bered that she would be expected to sympathize with dear Emily. It was too late to retreat, for Emily, in full mourning attire, witha black bordered handkerchief pressed to her orbs, appeared npon the scene, and Mrs. Hornblower was forced to follow suit with her own ‘‘mouchoir,” which in this instance happened to consist of a bit of cambric one inch square, surrounded by about one hun- dred dollars worth of filmy lace. | After squeezing into this a few drops of com- miserating brine, sho departed very angry | with herself for having forgotten to take with her a ‘little dream” in delicate black and white needle work, that she had pur- chased in Paris for one hundred and fifty frans, and that was intended to be used on | just such occasions as this, This was nothing, however, to the time she went sailing and got becalmed, and had to sit under a bi sun four mortal hours, with the perspiration running down her face in| streams, and nothing but two bits of ruffled cambric in her pocket. Fortunately old Hornblower was long, and with his big bandanna he erased the streaks of melting rouge from her cheeks before the rest of the | narty discovered the deception, When | he got home, however, he fired the paint out | of the window and the next day sent her | home three boxes of plain hemstitched pocket handkerchiefs that, itis to be hoped, sue will have sense enough to use. Stepping Onward. Step 1—Friendship. I say, fair friend, would you like to see? A day when we could together be; Isay, fair friend, would you like to know. How beats my friendly heart for you?— Step 2—Friendship a la Cupid. I say, sweetheart, let's take a stroll Up to an ice-cream counter cool; I say, swectheart—nay, do not blush— For this is the month that I am flush. Step 3—True Love. I say, dear love, let's married be, And from these painful partings free— Isay, dear love, just name the day When I can take my bride away. Step 4—Wedded. Isay, dear wife, friend, sweetheart, lover, true’ I've found carth’s richest prize in you— Isay, sweet wife, fret not for store, ‘Though, when we were lovers, I was poor. 4. Erman xcoorm, Arter all this sneering at the Parlor Brigade it must in fairness be admited that they are not quite so heinonsly unprovided for the campaign as were Falstaff’s warriors. They have more than a shirt and a half anong them—they have Shurz. A CHARMING game is parlor politics, but not a winning. An enthusiastic admirer assures us that Goy. Cleveland, among his other admirable traits, has a ‘winning smile.” We'll seo about that in November. oc comicbooks.com