Judge — September 20, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Por RIOT TN CE ES | H } i j RT Se SETS EARNING HIS TWO CENTS. “Sune” Artist Dana—‘‘ Well, dis is de toughest job I ever tackled!” 1 the tribes of Columbia; men who had sold their birthright unto the Dimmekrats for ottage which in taste resembled crow. hese included Beecher and Curtis, and the monkey Nast; and many others who in for- mer years had done harm to the Dimme- krats. in place of the men who had served them. 20. Then uprose Johnkelly, and spoke in this wise: ‘It has been said that Demo- cracy’s end is at hand. I believe it. Ye are wedded to your idols; we will leave thee | to thy fate. Come, friends, let us depart. 21. Then the men who had served the Democracy so long arose in silence and fol- lowed Johnkelly ont of the camp. 22. And the Democracy was doomed. For Daniel was cast into the lion’s den, and Whitelaw and Elkins devoured him. 23. And Hubert sold out cheap unto Barnum as a sacred white elephant, and hid his head in a dust heap. 24. But the traitors, the Iscariots, Curtis and Nast and Schurz, they were affiicted with leprosy, in the form of crow; and died in November. 25. Thus Democracy died. And it was said among the tribes of Columbia, “It is as we prophesied. Jefferson's _sepulchre hath caved in, and Democracy is dead of in- gratitude. Hath not its death been de- served?” At the present stage of the campaign what seems most to trouble the Democratic editors is Jack Logan’s English. later it will be Jack Kelly’s Irish. 19. And the Dimmekrats listened to these | A little | The Deceived. Hen., Willyum, and Carl(o) in chorus Obt Grover C., You've deceived we; Made our hearts and plans a wreck. For Halpin, she, Has sot on thee, With a ba'rpin stride your neck. Party in parlor(holding its nose)—‘ For God’s sake put out those stinking torches down there.” “Mr. Braye triumphed at Chicago: | the Republican party there dug its grave.” | This parlor utterance approaches the historic sublime—approaches but not quite reaches it as it might really do by adding: “The pea-nut stand went up the spout. And the gal, she died right dead! Tue State Fair, at Waverley, (Newark) N. J., which opened on Monday and is con- tinuing during the current week, is drawing large crowds to Newark and vicinity. The Various departments are well represented, and, apparently, the industrial condition and progress of our neighbor state were never more marked. The exhibits of machinery and manufactures are especially noteworthy. The horticultural department will well repay a visit, and the exhibits of blooded stock are enough to make aconnoisenr’s mouth water. Taken all in all, the New Jersey State Fair is the best exhibition of its kind to be seen in this part of the country. Business Brisk. “To Let,” upon the door he wrote; And renters knocked there by the score, And knocked, and knocked, until he begged For them to let up on his door wrt.d. LANFTOX, THE PRETTIEST and most appropriate cam- paign badge shown this season is the ** Pine ree Cone,” cut of which appears in our columnselsewhere, Every Blaine and Logan voter should have one. My Seersucker Suit. For twenty-eight preceding, consecutive, one-after-the-other years, I had worn woollen clothes on my 6x6 frame, (six inches by six feet), throughout each summer, but when the present September swooped down on us with an unusual wealth of torridity, my wife suggested my getting a scersucker’ suit. Though I have married but a short time I have learned from bitter experience, that when my wife “suggests” anything, it is better to chime right in with her ideas at once, so I suffered her to lead me to the slaughter house—no, no, the clothing house, forthwith. The boss salesman and prize “chin- clincher” of Shadrach Cohen’s ‘ Grand Out- fitting Emporium,” immediately took us in tow, and, upon learning our s00n pro- duced a suit which he said was **shenuine vresh imborted Gulgutta seersocker, and varrented not to vade in te sun, gif out in te seams, or bulsh at te ke-nees, —and tirt sheap at Sen’tcen tollars and a ke-varter.” In answer to a couple of conundrums of mine, he also solemnly assured me that the suit wouldn’t “ rust or mold in any climate,” and that it would “run 8 days without winding or washing.” My wife examined the coat critically to see if the color was fast; stretched the text- ure of the pants to seo if it was properly woven; and smelled the vest to see if it had been packed away in cedar chests and car- ried over from last season; and, after Jew- ing him down to $15, (the last dollar we had), consummated the bargain. When he had measured me and was roll- ing up a suit that he said would fit me, a horrible thought seemed to strike my better- comicbooks.com