Judge — September 13, 1884 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Why She Didn't. A YOUNG woman from the count suing her ex-sweetheart for breach of and the lawyers were, as usual, of inquisitive inquiries. arked one, that the de- fendent frequently sat very close to you?” sir,” was the reply, with a hectic ” s0’s one cheer was all the he put his arm around “Close enoug * room Ww y then? darn hard that I come purty near hollerin’ right out.” Why didn’t you ‘holler?’ ” lhe court fell off the bench, and had to be carried out and pnt under the hydrant for the purpose of resuscitation.—JMerchant Traveler. Telephone Girl. Tue night girl was talking love to No. 311, her best fellow living there and keeping up the other end of the conversation, when there came a hurried ring from No. 37, which is the residence of a highly respected citizen, “Hello!” she replied, after ringing a reply. “Hello! Give me Slaycow’s butchershop, please?” ** Do you mean Mr. Slaykine’s abattoir? ” if you want to have it in high toned language. “All right, here it is,” this evenin, “ Meat.” “Well, it made us all sick. re used bad meat in it. The girl was listening, and at this moment switched on the custodian of the city pound, who was making his report for the day to the chief of police, and the poundmaster said: “Well, it is all right. any in the state. We and fifteen dogs in te No. 37 hung up its receiver, and went out to gag, and nobody but the telephone girl knows why Slaycow had to make an assign- ment within a week, and she never told any- dy except the Through Mail, and she communicated the facts in strict confidence. —Through Mail. You must It is as good as put acalf, two pigs A Pleasant Movement. Pranist—‘ Which part of my rhapsody did you most enjoy?” Ignoramus—* Which part?” ¢ Yes, which movement? ” “On! the last one.” “Ah! that is the presto,” “Presto? What a queer name!” “Do you think so?” “Yes. Up our way, when aman gets up, bends his buck, smilts to the audience and walke off we call it a bow.”. Call. '"—Philadelphia THE JUDGE. — Before and Behind. Ay old farmer employed a son of E work for himon his farm. Pat was consta ly misplacing the end boards in the cart the front board behind and the tail board in | front, which made the old gentleman very irritable. To prevent blunders he pain- ted on both boards a large ‘+ B,” then call- ing Pat to him, and showing him the boards, he said: | Now, you block head, you need make no mistake, as they are both marked. This,” going to one board, ‘tis ‘B’ for ‘before,’ and that,” indicating the tail board, ‘is ‘B’ for * behind, hereupon the old gentleman marched off with great dignity.—Catta- raugus Sentinel. Hard Times in Trade. A RaGGEDand hungry man asked a gentle- man for money enough to buy a meal. “Cannot you secure employment?” the gentleman. “No, sir; the cheap railroad fares have killed my business,” replied the man de- spondently, “Ah, how is that?” “All the bank cashiers go to Canada when they are short in their accounts now.” «What has that to do with your business? *T used to be a ‘masked robber”” replied the beggar, ‘‘and when a cashier was short in his accounts he’d send to me, and I’d tie him and all his family up and demand the key to the bank at the point of a pistol, and so help him out in his accounts. But he flings the accounts in the stove now, and goes to Canada. ‘Times are hard on all Kinds of trade.”—Pittsburg Telegraph. asked A Daisy Plank in the Democratic Platform. Tue more we study that tariff plank in the Democratic platform, the more it assumes es the color, form, and fragrance of a daisy. It is the realization of Jackson’s dream of ‘a judicious tariff.’ It is broad, and deep, and conservative, as the dog law desired by the Kentucky legislature. “John Andry,” said the puzzled moun- tain statesman to the representive from Woodford; “my people wants a dog law, and as them dog laws is awful tiklish busi- ness, yon draw me a good keerful one.” “Well, what kind of a dog law do you want? ked the Woodford man, “Oh, I want a good dog law.” “Yes, but what is your idea of a good dog law?” “Why, what me and my people want is a raal good, safe, broad—waal, a- good Dimoeratic dog law what'll please my consti- tuents, and won't interfere with the rights of the dogs.”—Louisville Times. NATURALISTS say that ‘the feet of the common working-bee is a combination of a basket, a brush, anda pair of pincers.” So been an established fact since the memory of man. Butastothe ‘‘ basket” and “brush,” there is a question. If it was a furnace and needle that was found with the pincers, it would seem more reasonable, as all who have had any experience with a bee, or who have investigated the subject, are ready to take a solemn oath that for clinching hold of, and punching holes, red hot ones, every step taken, a bee’s foot cannot be fequaled.— Peck’s Sun, far as the pincers are concerned, that has | Without making provision in bei By an Accident I cured, liey which keeps you insured? + Mutual makes you secure, you chance to endure, | Of all the attendance and comforts you seek, By pay fifty cash dollars a week, 1s to your widow, in case you depart to comfort her so pousand) ing heart, Indempity Indemnity at corresponding rat Write for Circular ai when received fill out your applicat and forward it to the Secretary receipt of which a policy will be p to you The United States Mutual Accident Association, ) BROADWAY, NEW YORK. PEET, (of I ts, Peet & Co.,) Pres't. R. PITCHER, Suckeranx. 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