Judge — September 13, 1884 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Paying an Old Debt. Aw aged couple walked into a prominent goods store in Syracuse recently and asked to sce some carpets. While the clerk was showing them some patterns of ingrains the proprietor of the store noticed the old people and approaching the clerk, told him to show them some of their best body Brussels. As he rolled out several pieces of rich carpet the old lady held up her hands and exclaimed, ‘¢ Oh, we can’t afford that!” The merchant asked her which pattern she liked best, and as she said, pointing to one roll, is just lovely,” the merchant teked ‘the size of the room and told the clerk to cut and match the carpet and have it made up in time for the train on which the old people were to return. Seeing the blank look of astonishment that over- spread their faces, the merchant “ Ain't your names 80 and 30?” they replied.‘ Didn’t you keep a tavern at such a time and at such a place?” They replied in the affirmative. ‘* And didnt you have a boy, at one time, who tended bar for you named prey and we have often wondered whatever became of the little cuss.” ** Well,’ ‘said the merchant, “T am that boy, and when I tended bar for you I stole money enough from you to pet your whole house. ‘Take the carpet and say nothing more about it.” It is needless to add that they took it.—Rome Sentinel. Too True to Be sad. Ile was a busy 1 and she wa ol woman. One evening he sud Tenly looked up from his paper a “ By the way, didn't we an this house about the time Midland Broad Gauge went up to 9 es,” she said; ** O; night of the Everingham re “Boy, was it?” he said with a show of in- terest. ‘I had forgotten; must be about seven months old by this time. he?” nd s was born the eption,” She touched a bell and she ordered Osc the presence of his the weeping nurse appeared alone, and with many tears confessed that the infant Oscar had been kidnapped in the park six weeks before, and that the most careful search, aided by advertisements in the daily papers, had thus far failed to reveal his where- abouts, Thus we see that wealth is no barrier to sorrow, and even into the homes of the ric! h and the great trouble cre thread, and sometimes. breaks up evening of cnjoyment.—Burlington Hak eye. a servant appeared, ud of whom Got His Shad. A PHiLapeLrutaN who w ick in the West kept piteonsly calling for His friends, unable ‘to procure ish, were in despair until a man who had been raised in the East struck a bright idea, “Give him a fine comb fried in batter,’ he said, and perhaps he wont be able to tell tae difference.’ ‘They gave it to him, and as the sick man’s teeth struck into the small teeth of the comb a happy smile broke over his face, and he murmured: “Yes; that’s shad. No other fish such a sweet taste and sv many bone: Philadelphia Chronicle, lying very has Where is | 3 be brought into | | tell which had shorn th THE ONLY Leaving the house in charge How He Lost His'n. A MEETING of the bald heeds of this city was recently held at the residence of one of the members. After several hours conver- ation on the sub. how did you lose "one of the jnvited guests suggested e the se which occasiio- ned the loss of his head gear, “When I was young,” said the first one *T carried my testament in my hat, and my fish pole in my trousers, runnin, my arm pit’ into my shoes.” Another med that in his youthful days he was compelled to sleep in a bed, two feet too short for him, and he wore his hair off rul bing his hea¢ st the bed board. and every one had some pli > story to m of their si d it remained for the last one, whose h 1s as bare as a billiard ball to truthfully state, that his wife had talked it all off during their twenty years life, wrenching outonly a single hair at each curtain lecture.—Carl Pretzl’s Weekly. A Through Train. “Ts this a through train?” asked a trave- ler of the brakeman as he entered an unoccu- pied car. “Yes, sir,” replied the brake- man, turning o making his exit. And then the traveler fixed himself for a nap. dreaming of awakening in Albany he did awake, and found the car in the same place where it had been before he had his nap. With fire in his optic he sought the brak man. ‘‘ Look here, yon tow-headed ruffian! didn’t you tell me, “this was the through train?” “I did, sir,” quietly replied the car- coupler,‘ And 80 it is a through train sir. It’s through running for the day, sir. — Yonkers Statesman, tired down into | ra couple of seats before | SAFE WAY. Bridget ot for the Snmmer. A Smart Boy. “Dat boy,” referring to his chile in lan’ bat be lycation.” Ifow far advanced sked. ‘Who, dat chi all the said a colored is he?” some one Wy] mighty nigh way, dat’s how got ur "vanced ed “ Well, but what can he do?” “Who, dat boy? What is it he kian’ do? Ile ken read dese heah s' whut de white folks paints .on de fen an’ it takes er mighty sharp chile ter do dat, lemme tell yer. But dat ain’t de climax 0” the kindo, — He kin e leather-kivered hy paper-bac! kin han'le de newspa here leather- etalk, w'y h "1 talk ter me him.’ hans. "bout “dat seed him han'lin figgers wid bof" rkansaw Traveler. Ix the year 1547 a proclamation was issued by ‘Henry VIII. commanding that women should not mect together to babble and talk, and that all men should keep their wives in their houses.” And yet some persons declare that we are living in a more enlightened—that is, the world, they tell us, is growing bet—or, rather, that the laws of to-day 1, they tell us some- thing, anywa stown Herald. Ex dog has got more sense den de spen’- thrift, fer ef a dog hab got er bigger piece o° meat den he ken eat, stead of throwin’ it erway, he buries it, knowin’ dat, arter er while, he will be hungry agin.—Arkansas \ Traveler. comicbooks.com