Judge — September 13, 1884 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

p THE JUDGE. | fhe cl Lb 4 Fa bo we THE MASHER CANDIDATE. Dewocratic Party— Oh, aint he just too sweet for anything! he’s only a waz-figger!” What a pity sick, Gasping down a cobblestone in my throat, [inquired what the ladies would be pleased to take: “* W my part I want a be (with a look that. s 1,” said mother, ‘for teak—a porterhouse,” “no stnall steak for whisper, What and fluating- I inquired. would you like, mama?” said the of my blonde— ‘0, champagne, of “Phere goes my annual vacation,” but I gave the orders, and the viands were placed before us. I took only a cup of coffee, for I had, in fact, no appetite, ‘Then the evening concert began. —* Why don’t P. 8. play to suit the people , and not to please the Dutchmen in his band?” re- marked the matron, ‘who care Beethoven, and Haydn, and, wo Wagner? Can’t he see by the applause, what the people want? He wants to educate the taste, he says, but when I pay my money for pleasure, I want it, and not such old trash.” ‘And its right you are!” said a sew-faring neighbor.‘ Them’s my sentim- ents,” exclaimed a Jersey farmer, and so many made remarks of approbation, that the mother beamed with Ilow mach further this would have gone, I can’t say, but the interference of the police enforced order, und we endured a continuation of blasts from the Brass instruments, while the bass drum pounder grew red in the face, the picadily plaver : and all seemed to bully each other. stopped with acrash that ma y already excited nerves jump, and caused a German to call out, “bravo,” whereupon P, 5. bowed, and looked pl now for | t of all, | Well, of course, we had to see the great display of Payne's fire-works—pain for me | indeed—and, ‘of course, we had to take reserved seats so we could see a British officer jump from a bridge. Meanwhile “ Gilmore's abtrata band ” playing * priate musi the ‘Star Spangled Ban- ner.” while the British attacked Pekin. Well, we could not return by Bay Ridge, because the ferry-boat was too slow to enable us to reach the last train; so we took the cars for Long Island City The odors of this horrid place made ‘mother sick, and made her exclaim, ‘* What an absurdity, to go to Coney Island for fresh air, and ‘then come home through this horrid Hunter’s | Point! Ough!” Yours in sorrow, | A. TAKED appro- -In Dupe. Tne death-rate—an undertaker’s bill. Exuma Aunotr has been in Europe trying on_new dresses and otherwise repairing her | voice for the coming season.—Hartford Post. | Tue bald biped is generally accused of occupying a front seat in the theatre on the first night of a ballet entertainment, but no one never saw the American n such a| position.— Boston Budget. | At the beach. Colored gentleman, pick- | ing his way over the rocks steps into a small | pool of masked seaweed. Pulls his foot out of the water quickly, exclaiming: ‘Sho! jist see dat! Feels mighty chilly, dat ar. Dat foot ain’t been wet fo’ free y’r befo’.”— | Somerville Journal. ur Matilda the Brave, and the Fair Augustine. A Romance of the Wabash, by MacuowLy, PART IL Tue fair Augustin generally every time you sce it to dislocate: our im description of the rechercheness which A face like hi are, but When it is not it is We shall not pause gination by a minute ir of petiten and circulated round his gloves and boots. Suffice it to say that his shirt front was shielded from the public gaze by a neck-tie that overflowed it all over, It was remarked above (and with perfect truth) that Angustine was borne away in a state of shock. Matilda was sweet on him, and Matilda’s old man didn’t conti- nental bad word for the whol ne But what was the posish of the old m big dog on the busin Had our he made a favorable impression in that 4 Truth, fellow-citizens, truth which is cur besetting sin compels us to answer n—but before we do—there was an ancient landlord who kept a tavern, a haunted tavern, and one of his standard receipts for making things comfortable was, ‘* Gentlemen, never reckon without your’ ghos In other words, let no young man pitch his tent in the midst of the bosom of the best family in creation if there happen to be a faithful family dog on board. Here would be the lace to peacefully inquire why in thunder— not why the course of true love never runs smooth—but why it is that this true love is ly deflected from its true course by n the shape of a big dog—else there is no truth in much of our modern fiction. On the other hand, however, it an eveni in April. Then she said, “tell you what, Aug, we've been foolin’ ’round this thing long enough. —_Let’s say 4 o'clock sharp, a. M., next Friday morning, so we have time to ketch the train for The gentle ible ure creature blushed pale answered —but me.nwhile all nature seemed to take in the situation and sympathize with the er emed to be in one of her hich reigned In truth nature spell-bounds was broken only by the singing of solitary but numerous co: gation of frogs which were holding their first camp meeting in the swamp. The silence also was further broken. only by a flock of pigs at their first: wallow social. While ever and anon the silence was also broken only by other sounds of rural life, but let them pass. “Well, Matilda, you know best. I's write to ma, and if your pa has no ot “Oh, shoot m w and your maw,” answered with a tender look in her mouth, while with careless grace she inserted her right hand in his top hair and vigorously soothed him with a shake that set his ring, lets dancing in the rough moonlight. Then she added, **and don’t you forget it.” Clearly ‘the brave Matilda's heart was in the work. Oh the heart, the heart! Or, as our French coustics would ‘the cur, thecur!” Sweet on him wasshe. “Sweeter,” as my friend Wilt Whatman remarked in 1 verses while singing an ode on Miss ‘ebrow:— sang the frog: the clock. man. “To be sure,” chattered the pi For time not tied w i “it will be the deuce about your rig, but you resumed our hero, comicbooks.com