Judge — September 6, 1884 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

From Beef to Beans. Tue, clerklet sleck Hlis earnings saves And stays a week Yet, after all, It only means That throug He'll live on beans. —Deaton Pest. She Was Not Alone. “ Aue you ale The young lady turned with a start and found, ‘close to her own, the hideous face of nold masher. She had taken a seat in the park to rest herself for moments when these words w se to her She looked at him a moment in aston- t then said: there is policeman wai around’ the corner; he said if picions characters loitering around to whistle. Have a seat?” as she pursed up her mouth to whistle He didn’t accept Weekly. the invitation, —Carl A Coffin For Sarah. Saran Benin fins metalic, monsieur? aker— 1 of them have pler agically)—“ The stars for that I Suicide to commit I have deter- ‘Ilave you any — Suicide?” “Oni, oul, otti—snicide! Have he cars will be a ‘dram: pnd- Think you not Sarah- you not ic ~« Hut, my dear madam— ck not me to dissuade, but my T want a coffin metallic to lit me. U ker—* Pardon, m: have come to the wrong p yourself across the road to arm Sat but you Advance the maker of And why to him? Undertaker—* He a large stock of old gun barrels has on han Philadelphia Call. A Kissing Record. A RECENTLY deceased Frenchn record, ‘Twenty years ago he married, and on h ding day took the original resolu- tion to keep a yearly account of the nunber of kisses exchanged with his wife until their union became severed by the death of one or the other. Just before he died toa friend for publication, Duri year of wedded life the I figure of 36,500, but in the follow- u 8 a decrea ‘e than 1,600 being inscribed on ister, while the third year shows er falling off, the averag being but ten ad five years rther reductior the account keeper’s task was y two kisses were exchanged during each twenty-four honrs ‘* one on rising, one on re- tiring to rest.” Later on, during the last ten years of his married life, they ** only each other on leaving for, or returning from 1 little trouble inn ing up his annual domestic statistic don Standard. n kept a he confided this still gr » number of kis ft mplified, THE JUDGE. He Insulted Papa. A. I hear have broken off with ; but it had to be, Me insulted papa. Why, what did he d “ Well, vou know, last Su kinder kicked him off the s he came round Monday he it a pair of slippers with the toes padded,and asked me if | wouldn't get the old man to put them on.”—New York Dial. uy night, papa and when Don't Mention It. Ir was a married man blessed—or the op- posite, as the reader may determine—with nextremly jealous wi One evening not long since he opportunity to vort miss of sixteen, Irooping lashes exercis- umor over every man who happened come within ran of the At her home was reached, and as th » the maiden turned her bs full upon him and said: grateful for your kindness “Don’t mention it, I beg of you, ejaculated, gallantly. Very likely the unsophisti misunderstood the motive of for she quickly answered, toa he maiden rk, suring ate his inar le wish me to! y won't sir, ell Citizen, Woman,” Etc. if you don't “Oh! “Wiat’s the ter, de ed the wife of an enterprising city editor as turned home with a gloomy brow the da other Matter enough “Why i pancak “ overland, and not a ter up to the hour o lutely nothing but Chin thing. * Poisin “Oh, n afterwards. Why, that’s item, isn’t it, de Shot self, did he ? Cor now, th nothing! "—Sun Francisco Ps growled the journali Natas of manslaugh. up in opium fiend, or some- ? asked, soothingly I b'lieve, end throat cut ickening Tragedy t's better than The Dentist Was Reponsible. given by some It was largely nT was amateur out West ttended eneral pul lady, be- d . ig a opera which was vocife of the front sea whom he w What beautiful teeth that young Tam glad to h igh compliment to me Ah! you are the young lady's father. You have indeed a charming daughter. “Oh, no, I’m not her father.” “Her brother?” Tam no tion whatever, but I'm the dentist who fixed her mouth ‘up with those tecth you admire so much. [ only charged fourteen dol for them, but they | ou say 80, have not been paid for yet.”—Ex, dent him- | Always Ready. Sre here, Mr. fresh milk and yet i | have been milked th Oh, y You know it stormed la ni Iways sours milk. But how the ligh ight affect it if it was not milked Milkman, yon call this It could . mum. td could Well I guess tho cows must havo been struck, mum.”—Piladelphia Coll. Not That Providence. “Ane the people in Providence so poor,” asked a little girl of her F suppose they are no poorer | rest of us d the old gentleman. pts that question, my child.” Well id the little girl, ‘1 just hea morning at Sunday school that every- body trusts in Provid “Go away, make me tired vel nee Was Proud of Her. “SINCE my my weddi wife a day T have never * said a gentle- the reply of his friend. It did occur to the that th anythi ¢ than a submissive | Carl Pretzel’s Weekly. Johnny's Logic. “CouLpy’r you find room enough for yourself on that bench without pushing that little boy off or floor 1 | sch cher of the bad boy of the s | Vt want any ro¢ If, ly: “1 wasn’t crowded at all.” Phen why did you push him olf?” veh Ie was the boy who wded, so I pushed him off to give him plenty of room. There is a great deal more room off the bench than there } on it, ‘Td the r more roc He Comprehended. Some time ago a count ce of the local effort” at his side. id nothing, but simply tur pai that the manager could full benefit of its many original fe gentleman looked at the canvass nd then his eyes sou “What is it you wish?” he the country boy, nt—-I—T t this picti uuntered emy with youth h for a the face of secon! asked, scow- ht be ret ademy!”? h evident confusion, > ing in this academy? don’t hustk hang you on h picked up 1 comtemp) his home in the interior of Ife comprehended the timely the art-critic, for he nailed his a pole in the corn-tield to s crows, and then went to fee: his living. —Sevssors, stretcher, and, departed for » county. ion of