Judge — July 26, 1884 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. Epigrammic Spice. WOMAN’S RIGHTS, Oh, for womanly suffrage what man wouldn't go, That the wrongs of the darlings might all be redressed? — And what are these wrongs? When you're married. you'll know; ‘They relate to one Worth, the man I detest. PRIEDSHIP, Chink warns his heir his friends to choose discreet And not to mingle with the loose and light ones; His mon e, they'll shake him on the street; While tighter than a brother stick upright ones; The young blood vows that such shall guide his feet, And keeps his word—his friends are only tight ‘ones, WALL STREET PHILANTHROPIST. Poon Gould has such a tender soul, He keeps it hid to keep it whole; Alas! he takes things so to heart, ‘The owner and the things must part; He loveth men for their wise thought, And for the other goods they've got; Such interest he takes in all, That ten per cent seems very small. JUDGE, LOQUITER. That lawyers have brains that cause them tospeak— ‘The remnants, no doubt, of original sin— Could never been known in spite of their check, Before their ind legs got into their chin. HORRIBLE THOUGHT. Ir all the women were in heaven, And all the men in hell, ‘Twould make the women happy, then, And make the men—ah! well! Butif the angels had all flown From face of this creation, I rather think we'd be alone In a state of dull stag-nation. WARD ERNEST Suri Dialogue. He. My adored Sylvia, you know I love you, but [can not, dare not, seek your pa, and ask him for his priceless treasure. She. Yet, Augustus, without my pa’scon- sent I can never be yours. He. 1 can, I will dase all for you. seek him. I hear his step. fails, Sylvia, I dare not. e. Then, Augustus, farewell. Yet stay, why should wo part? Authorize me, and I I will My courage will tell pa myself, You are rich, I have no fear. He. Bless you, Sylvia. (Exit she.) Oh! the alternations of hope and despair. Hewill. Hewon’t. Hewill. He won’t. Oh! Here she comes. Enter She, Blushing, and smiling. My Au- istus, I know not what my pa’s answer is. t is pinned to my right shoulder, behind, and is for pour eye only, Read, dearest. He. Hah! let me see! ‘With the Au- thor’s compliments.’ My Sylvia. Oh joy— They embracé with rapture. Curtain. “Waist makes want,” said the young husband, when his wife asked him to buy her a $15 pair of corsets.” A POETICAL Lapy— That doens't look like fifty pi Max—“ Ha! Ha! You inust 1 earn to use your imagination and not your eyes. Notable Members of Congress. Best for making platforms—Wood. Best man to carry an appropriation through the House—Porter. Best man to cut down an appropriation (with a broad axe.)—Hewitt. Most dangerous to meddle with when loaded—Cannon. Comes nearest being a horror—Horr, Comes nearest being a lord—Laird. Comes nearest being a Solomon—David- son. Highest authority on telegraphs— Highest authorities on the grain qu Oates, Cobb. Makes fritters of English—Evans. _ Is made fritters of by E Inglish. Is what members seldom are in debate— Hurd. The most undesirable as a boarder— Eat-on. Who, if he keeps at it will be a plumeless knight—Moulton, . Whom Morris has most trouble with— Morrison. Whom no gentleman’s library should be without—Shelley. Whom the windows of no gentleman's Morse. tion— library should be without—Curtin. Whom members are most apt to quarrel over—Petti-bone. y ‘ Always addresses the House in vain— Warner. F Most frequently found in a minority— Wise. The only man that helps the House re- semble Job—Boyle. Whom Ochiltree raised—Storm. The deafeat member but safest to tie to— Post. SUGGESTION. ounds in my eye The only member who thinks Macbeth the worst of all Shakespeare’s creations— Duncan. ‘The member to go to if you want tables— Carlisle. Would feel most at home in Old Kentuck —Covington. Who could dismiss McDonald from the presidential race with the best grace — McAdoo, Best man to stir up slumbering presiden- tial aspirant from the pacific slope—Wake- fi Whom they can go on with dogs and guns when he is up—Hunt. ‘The favorite of Micawber—Wilkins, Associates most with Maud—Muller. More intimate with Crusoe than his man y—Robinson. Whom the South caught during the war and has had ever since—Le-fevre. Whom no member can get beyond with- out finding it a hard road to travel—Jordan. Most hated by Finnerty and Robinson— | Foran. Who, more than any other members, re- | mind the Democrats of bygones—Seymour, | Hancock. : More necessary than any other member for the House to have in the right place— Hart. Most unwelcome at the Russia | Poland. | Worst man in the House to lean on— Reed. Whom true love: his day—Valentine. Dearest to Albert’s sweetheart—Her-bert. Has the poorest show as a dark horso— White. | Most apt to raise a row in church—Pusey. an legation— love best, but has had comicbooks.com