Judge — July 26, 1884 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HIS “© What’s dat?” the auld houses of Parlia Green.” He also told me that his brothe: America and owned half the country, and that if he died without a will, he was his nearest frind and nixt heir, that the poor craythur was in a decline now, so the instant minute he heard of his death he was going to America to claim the property. And he further added we might all go back in the wan ship together, and asked me if there was a good way for scholars in America, for his boy bate anyone of his age in Dublin. I never saw the faithful John since. He amused me hugely, so I trust ere this he has come into his property. Lines. Wirex lovely woman takes a notion With a brick to hit a cat, A burning house, a raging ocean Were a far safer spot than that! Seize her quick, secure and bind her, the missile dire she throws; Or, ‘tis like, some one behind her Persimnons—“ Why, I turns de grind-stone, nent in College | 3 wife's cousin was one of the grandest men in | “SOFT SNAP.” Ancient Ermior.— Well, Persimmons, what's yer doin’ nowadays?” . Erntop.—* What department does you perform. What department? “Why, I does de circular work.” Gway.” Starin’s Transportation Co. Tne accomodations offered by Stari Company, and their exclusive right to land at Glen Island, is an important consideration. The strict discipline maintained upon all their boats prevents any annoyance to ladies and children, with no inconvenience from . The advantage of stopping at third Street, E. R., and Pier No. 18 N. R., is fully appreciated, and the frequent arrivals and departure of their boats avoids tedious de! t either end of the route. | We also e: tention to the pleasantest way Jof reaching Staten Island by taking one | of the Company’s boats at Pier 1, E. R. The | early and frequent trips of the boats enable commuters to reach New York at almost any hour. The Bloody English of It. ‘Treny. was a bloody sparrow ent up There came loody spout, thunder shower And washed the sparrow out. There came n bloody calm After the bloody rain, And then the bloody sparrow Went up the spout again, Monographs. A WAIL PROM THE BALD-HEADED MAN, Iv is ninety-and-one in the sh And the flies are out on para They sit and they fit, Like imps of the devil, And the torture can simply by no name be called ‘That these imps of the devil, In their sittin, Inflict on the pe Of heads that are sitive level in other words bald. You set my teeth on edge—as the saw remarked to the file. Ir seems to be a historical fact that the Kilkenny cats played at cross purr—pus A Lovlsvitve young man has been fined 82 for kissing a girl, We think this too light a penalty altogether, for the poor girl | hasn't been able to walk straight since. we Denver Republican says, ‘the ‘old ticket’ might go pretty well on crutches.” You can gamble on it, respected sir, that it can get along faster on crutches than the bolters can on stilts. A BASE-BALL umpire was killed by light- ning, a few days ago, and it took half a day to convince the kicking nine that it wasn’t one of his own decisions that caused his death. Wuewn you return from an adventurous fishing excursion, my son, don't undertake to tell more than has happened to you, You may get a ten pound fah on a ak pound rod and then how are you going to land him? Thumper (moralizing to friend while out for a stroll)—Yes, sir, the horde of wild Irishmen that are overrunning this country are ignorant beyond belief, and I venture to assert that ninety-nine out of every hundred of them cannot intelligently answer the sim- plest question. Frizzell—There is one digging by that fence yonder. Suppose you put him ‘to the test? Thumper (confidently)—I will, and now mark his reply. Tsay, my man, what are you digging for? Id Irishman—Vhar a doller a day, sur. Thumper concludes he has struck the hundreth man, and changes the conver- sation, In the Astor House Rotunda. ANGLICISED AMERICAN (to ordinary citi- zen friend)—Aw, hawdoo, ol’ fellah! Going yawhting this summah? 0. C. F.—No; I find I cant spare the time. I’ve just bought a schooner, but think I can dispose of it right away at a profit. A. A.—Ye don’t say! rough, ye know. I should like to sce the schooner befoh ye part witn it. 0. C. F.—You can see it, but I fear you misunderstand me. I’m not going to t with it. Here it comes now, over the Will you join me? No? then. ‘An unctuous pause. ‘A. A.—Ah, profitably disposed of, I see? I hope you’re not hurt. Good-day! That’s-aw-deuced bar. Well, here goes Gets it full upon the nose. ee =—— ———————— ee comicbooks.com