Judge — July 5, 1884 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE SEA-SERPENT THE JUDGE. SEASON Hotet Proprietor.—‘‘ Now, Mike, do the best you can, and give the quests a good and a full account in the papers will fill the Hotel.” Charlie’s Unloaded Pistol! Practice, and Allie’s Epistle thereon. AN ACCOUNT OF THE LATE SAD EVENT Tue ice-cream and the handed around and the gentlemen was so awful funny with their remarks, and the ladies near killed ourselves laughing. Charlie had a colored pink necktie on, and he was so lively he most didn’t know what to do with himself—then he creeped over the floor and made like when he was a dog, b: and sometimes growls, and then the ladies, all jumpt on che and hollowed and laughed enough to kill, then he stood his- self on his head and was so funny he just and Miss Ager from the Boarded School she said it was the exu- berence of his spirits of youth—which she wears specks for her Health. Then Charlie he felt in such good spirits he drawed out a Pistle and hold it nearly agin Carrie’s head und Carrie she got a kind a skeered then we all laughed like if we would die then Charlie he pinted the Pistle at Ellen and winked at the ladies and me, and then he pulled the tricker and O my! Ellen she dropt right down on the floor and it was awful, and we hollowed and hollowed and all of us don’t know what we done and poor Charlie he ketched a holt of his hair and kicked around on the floor and he was afraid he would die. Then Carrie she said, O Charlie how could you—and he said I didn’t know it was loaded, then us ladies bursted out crying more than ever and poor Charlie he took on so we thought he would die and when the doctor come to see Ellen, but she was dead before he got there, we told the doctor to look after Charlie but he—he was a mean kes was just old thing with gray whisk kind of sniffed his nose at poor Charlie and said O he said such savfal swear words, and said such fellows liks that ought to die with rope around their necks—but he was shock! then one of the ladies hold a file of camtire to Charlie’s is Temp that’s the head just before the ears Mamie and me we removed off his boots and Miss Ager she said it was nothing highly improper on sich a solemn occasion to bathe tlemen’s lower extremiti when the boots is off. Charlie on a rockingeh a dreadful downhearted that it went a good while till we could notis any smiles on his Countynance but when he lighted a si ette and smoked we knowed the worst dang. was apast, but O my, you mustn't think Charlie is i od spirit before the Sad Event—He he feel fully sorry he didn’t know it was loaded ar O my, you ought to just hear how nice talks about poor Ellen’s Fate—he says he don’t blame her a bit for the sad nt and he says the next time he'll pint ita or the old man or something, first to se it’s loaded before he fetches it into the pa lor. And poor Charlie he is so kind and thoughtful, a person would harly believe it —he it would be if us ladies in white and tend s all walking te and he would escort us, Oh my wouldn't it be nice—I told ma I could take Old Sue's dress and she could take up the skurts just a little to suit my highth. Your Truly Friend ALLIE, ge S. P. Don’t be uneasy about poor Charlie OPENS scare, All the reporters are ou the beac his Spirits is nearly recover from the schock and he Id kick his h ever, and don’t you dis- remember it he said, till he 1 person langh—but he haint got nc ) Ellens parents, and he hat—O my if you could sce how nice he looked when he put it on for Carrie and me to see how it fitted—its the kind they call pluck hats and he got it to tend the funcral servis—Poor Elle! funeral servis will occur ww the instant at 10 o0’clock in the aan Miss Ager she savs us ladies onght to take warning from poor Ellen’s misfortion for she says, I think she said, for in the mist of life we are cut off in the flower of our Youthhood—and what do you think—Char- lie savs we ought to wear white slippers too, and Em she says wouldn’t tl just bully. ALLIE. at L Witpwave City bonds went down one day like a bi ed balloon: them fellows out there went back on us in this when we subscribed for the bonds the ayor of Wildwave was an unlynched horse thief; the controller a leading confidence man; the treasurer a broke-wp monte man; but at the spring election the slippery ele- ment got the upper hand and filled the offices with a bank cashier and a—I believe a christian capitalist, and people of that tribe. Of course that gave the bonds a knock, but I have a notion there'll be a rally, for of the new board of aldermen most of the members have served on juries, and a fair proportion have been in jail in the old country.” Tue Dublin University Magazine will comicbooks.com