Judge — June 28, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Another View of Irish Distress. Tax broad lands stretch to the swelling tide, Acre on noble fee, Far may you fare ere the hills subside In the level sand of the western sea, From your path starts whirring the mountain grouse, Mingling bis crow with the snipe’s shrill call, and a noble house acoast of Donegal. “Tis a grand domain, On the wind swept The broad lands stretch to the swelling tide, Acre on acre noble fee, But every rood is trussed and tied In the lawyer's tape of the mortgag When the half year's interest is paid, I wis The half year's income is poor and small; ‘There's many a property such as this On the heathery mountains of Doneg: Famine in Ireland, the rents unpaid, And the landlord muses on what he owes; He loves cach mountain, each wood, each glade, And he almost weeps as he sighs ** foreclose.” Must he watch the roof tree of And Jack (the darling wish of his hes Will never be member for Donega For the heavy rains have not ceased to pour, And the west wind bears in the fatal rot; And the kelp crop fails on the barren shore, And the tuber melts in the garden plot. ‘The wolf is howling at many a door; His favorite hunter has left its stall, He has done his best, he can do no more, And famine lies heavy on Donegal. The ghosts of the mortgages he owes Will not be laid by any rule; Well, the girls must wear last winter's clothes, And Tom must go to a cheaper schoc And Jack had best exchange to the line— He can’t keep pace in that corps at all. And the table—well, they must banish wine; Alas! for the glories of Donegal! And the broad lands stretch to the swelling tide, Acre on acre, a noble fee; And faint in the shadows of eventide The hills mix mistily with the sea, “That bird is happy,” the old man said, As he heard a curlew's mournful call, ‘That flitted seaward over his head, “He has no duties in Donegal.” ons Mrs. Dynamite’s French Nurse. Mrs. Dynamite is a notable woman and an enterprising housekeeper. What she doesn’t know about servants isn’t worth knowing, and if anything transpires in her kitchen without her finding it out, she’d like to know what it is! ‘The character of the head of the house- hold (so to speak) is not as violent as his name would lead one to suppose it might be. Mr. Dynamite is a mild, inoffensive crea- ture, never bothering his shining old bald ate over his wife’s domestic affairs, and as long as quict reigns in the household and his well-coo ed meals are served with precision, he is content with everybody and at peace with the world. Not so Mrs. D. She is always blustering and always ina ferment. If the children are well, why the chances are they'll be sick sooner or late If the servants go out, they have probably carried off with them half the catables from the refrigerator; if they are in, they are plotting mischief. In short, the little woman is forever popping about the house, leaning over the bannisters or applying her ear to the speaking tube, on the gui vive THE JUDGE. Oup Lapy.—* Why do them fellers always have a dog with 'em?” Tue Fixest.—‘ J guess it’s the custom, mam.” Oup Lap to catch somebody in some sort of mischief or other. Poor Mr. D. bears his troubles heroically, d has become so accustomed to have his wife pour her trials and troubles into his ear at night, that he can tranquilly read his paper through a heavy fusilade of complaints, and allows the accounts of internecine strifes to roll off his tympanum like the tra ditional water from the back of the domestic water-fowl. After enduring a series of drunken, slov- enly, incompetent cooks, and worthless chambermaids who were continually quar- relling with one another, Mrs. D. has made up her mind that a polyglot domestic service will promulgate harmony in the kitchen. She has conse uently engaged a German cook and aSwedish chambermaid, whom she fondly trusts will get along amicably with the French nurse, Antoinette. ’Toinette is an Alsatian and speaks a hor- rible patois to the little Dynamiters, Mrs. D. knows little and cares less about thisimportant fact. ’Toinette wears French caps and clean aprons, and has a distingue air that does Madam D’s heart good to see, and as “Toinette has often declared she was born ‘‘a Paris” Mrs. D. is in duty bound to believe her. In fact, "loinette is the only member of the house that Mrs. D. does be- lieve, and though the donne’s flirting pro- pensities are observed by all. the neighbors, Mrs. D. refuses to see anything wrong in the g 1, and when a friend of the family in- formed my lady that "Toinette was cross and impatient’ with the children in the Park, Mrs. D. resolutely refused to believe it, and now she and the ‘friend of the family ” are sworn enemies, Only two nights ago, Mr. D. was informed by Mrs. D., that one thing she knew, and that was that "Toinette was kind to the children. Fearful of an explosion, Mr. D. read his paper and acquiesced although little Alice had just shown him a black and blue spot on her arm, where she said "Toinette had pinched her. The next evening the happy couple were up-stairs enjoying their, what Mr. D. sar- tically called, customary evening en- tertainment, when the front door bell rang. Inan instant Mrs. D’s left ear was flopping over the banisters, ready for action. ‘oinette answered the bell and ushered in but + — <1 suppose they must have some association, poor things.” avery swell young man, who enquired in English for Mademoiselle Meye: “Would the gentleman k stairs?” inquired ’Toinette. The young man appeared somewhat be- wildered, but following "Toinette’s lead, dis- appeared into the regions below, Mrs, D. suddenly and noisclessly descended another flight and applied her auricle to the basenfent bannister, and, as she afterward said, if there was anything on earth she was thankful for, it was that the doors had been removed from the dining room and portieres substituted in their place, otherwise she might have been debarred the pleasure of listening to the conversation that followed. Firstly "Toinette commenced to apologize to Monsieur for not receiving him in the front parlor. ‘There were callers there, she said, and it would be more agreeable, she thought, to see him alone. “Gracious goodness!” exclaimed Mrs. D., sotto voce, while the young swell branched off into French and said ‘‘ certainment,” and added that he had only just received the note that Mademoiselle sent in answer to his advertisement. Then "Toinette became garrulous and in- formed Monsieur that she was an Alsatian, a widow, the mother of one child, (all new: to Mrs. D.) and that she was “ tres capable. At this point Mrs. D. lost her presence of mind and rushed up stairs to tell Mr. D. that she verily believed that inette had been answering matrimonial advertisements and had actually told the advertisers to call at their house. ‘Then suddenly remember- ing that she was losing a good deal of the conversation, she returned to her post of auscultation on the basement stairs, *Toinette was still jabbering, but the young swell suddenly cut matters short by saying that what he advertised for was a lady to teach him French, and he desired some one he could call upon occasionally, after which he hastily took his departure. ‘Then Mrs. D. began to realize that the young man had been sold by her wonderfal French nurse, and she couldn’t help laugh- ing over the dilemma of the swell, whose advertisement for a teacher of French was answered by a domestic who waa obliged by circumstances to take him into the basement when he called. As for ’Toinette, she had also made a mis- take, and apparently thought the young ly walk down comicbooks.com