Judge — June 28, 1884 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Loss of Blissful } Silence. “Apotri,” spoke witty M man, as she poured the bristling « received intelligence last night of the of a dear frien ee “ How answered Adolph pose you are about to tell me of the well, and so forth? “Oh, no; on the farewell remarks, and, in fo to her parents in seventeen “ Dear me, that’s st Vhunny- ffeo, “1 death , she made no hadn’t spoken contri “ She was born dumb,” answered the wife, smiling. “What a pity that she d fully mused Adolph. “Why?” asked his other half, jealously. She would have proven such a haven ‘of rest to some poor fellow!” replied the wicked a plate of hot b thought- Had Her Wits About Her. “Do your women customers bother you much?” asked a citizen who was talking with a Woodward avenue grocer the other morning Well, they seldom want to pay the . It seems al for them to want to beat down the figuri ‘There comes one now who probs wants strawberries. Here are some fresh c at fifteen cents per quart and yet if I should only ask her eleven want ‘em for ten.” “Say, try it on, just for a joke. asks the price put it at eleven.” ‘The grocer agreed and presently the woman came up, counted the sixteen boxes of ber- ries under her nose, and, of course, inquired: “Have you any strawberries this morn- pr If she Yes’m.” In quart boxes *Yes'm. “How much?” «Only eleven cents a box, “Tl take the whole lot,” she quietly ob- served, as she handed out a I, and take em she did. The citizen disappeared at that moment, and the grocer somehow be- lieves that it was a put up job between the two.—Detroit Free Press. madam.” A Keen Reminder. “Tuere isn’t a button on this shirt,” dismally observed the young husband, shak- ing the garment before his wife’s eyes.” “I’m sorry, my love; it might have been remedied if | had had time.” “Why, you've nothing to do. What do you mean by saying if you had had time?” «I mean to say that if there had been no occasion for me to trim over a last spring bonnet for this morning’s wear I would have had time to look after your clothes.” — Brook- lyn Eagle. An Actor's Armor. A PASSENGER on the just-arrived steamer from Australia says that on the second day out from Melbourne the passengers were amazed to behold a little, swarthy- faced, black-e F from his room boots, whip, spurs, In this attire he sol- down for an hour, and silk jacket and emnly paced up then disappeared. THE JUDGE. ‘The next morning the same party appeared attired in the half armor of a knight of the middle ages, und the same afternoon emerged in a gorgeous cardinal’s dress, and continued his dignified promenade without speaking a word to anyone. The fact that all these costumes were a world too large for the wearer made this masquerading the more grotesque, and the passengers watched each transformation with inereased merriment, until it was suddenly whispered around that the fellow was a mad- man who imagined himself going to a per- petual series of masked balls, and that any opposition to his delusion ‘would provoke him to fury. The strange the comp: ig by nger rattled the nerves much the next morn- Bedouin Arab, armed with a cruel-looking cimeter, but when, shortly after dinner he showed up as a Piute Indian, carrying a blood eurdling tomahawk and scalping-knife, the women and children locked themselves into their state rooms, while a committee of gentlemen hunted up the captain and filed an indignant protest against allowing the maniac “to remain at large. “Maniac be blowed!” growled the sailor, “Don’t you know that Davidson, the actor, is on board?” “What of it?” “Why, that’s his body-servant. simply airing his master’s it from molding.” And the committee “set ’em up. Ile is wardrobe, to keep The Wise Doctor. “*Wiry does this man smile?” * Because he is a doctor.” “Ts the doctor’s trade a smiling busine: “Not on the average, but this doctor has got the bulge on a dozen of his worst cases.” “Has he hired them to commit s de?” “Tt’s about the same thing. He has ad- vised the tall, slim man, with a hacking cough, to go to Florida.” ‘And he will get well of consumption?” “Well, nothing will ail him when he returns—nothing but being dead.” ‘What did he advise ths man with ca- tarrh “To go to Ce lorado. chi “And where will the man who i is tied in a knot with rheumatism ge Oh, he sends him off to the Hot Springs, instead of permitting him to die at home.” “The fourth man looks sad. Isn't he go- ing somewhere? “Yes; he is to make a trip to Europe to cure his Bright’s disease. That is, he will die in New York and come back in a box. My boy, in case you learn the doctor's trade, ard get hold of a difficult case, send the patient away for ‘achange of air.” You don’t ran the risk then of being sent for and ing him expire.”—M. Quad. Funerals are very A Test. k that Miss Blumboodle is going {r. Flipolipper. He's a very good- fellow. [wonder if he’s intelligent?” ot by a jug full.” *You know him, then?” «No, [have no acquaintance with him.” “Then how do you know he is not a man | of intelligence | From the juror in et tha 4 murder ¢: Paper. he was accepted » the other day Part of His Profession. “Par, | thought aid the other night when you read that piece in the paper that if you'd catch any one huggin’ your wife ai’d leave her. Well, then, I reckon you'll have tol mother, fur yisterday when that den fixed her teeth he all the time had his arm right around her neck.” “Oh, well, that’s a different thing. part of his profession.” And kin he hug girls, too?” “Ye “ Well, then, by golly, the tooth doctor trade Journal. hat’s I'm goin’ to learn —Kenturky State Progress and Poverty. “ Progr Progress!” he growled as he sat on his express wagon and’ snapped his whip ina vicious w: I tell you that progress is agin the poor man like “How?” “Why, take it ten years ago and every family who moved emptied from three to seven straw beds in the back yard, and all we had to do was to cart the fodder home. Nowadays everything runs to mattresses, and even when one of ’em is left behind for us, our horses leave all the springs and cot- ton batting and take hold of the shavings in a way to bring tears to our eyes.”—Detroit Pre: Goes Loaded. IRED BOOK A t—*Wuy, howde do, How spruce youare looking. What are you in now?” Same old Jinks? busines Jinks — books.” “What! still a book “And alive?” “*T seem to be.” “Well, I can’t understand it. Since I have gotten out of the hospital I have given up books.” “I keep on and am making $20,000 a year.” “How do you manage to escape death?” ‘Easy enoug I first introduce myself as an agent of Mr. O'Donovan Rossa and ask for a subscription to the dynamite fund.” «People refuse of course.” “Certainly. Then I take out of my pocket sea of brick dust, labelled in big etter ‘Dynamite,’ and begin to expatiate on its merits.”” “Ye “They beg me to handle it carefully and put itaway. Then I place it in my coat tail pocket. “Oh! ho! “After that I open my samples and talk book to them until they buy, and they don’t dare kick me.”—Albany Argus. business — selling nt? A poet in acontempo: gs: “A Little Thought has Come to Me.” We advise that poet to grasp and cling to it with determina- tion, for it will probably be the only one that will ever come his way.—Bosfon Post. HENLEY’S CHALLENGE ROLLER SKATE ACKNOWLEDGED BY EXPERTS AS THE MOST COMPLETE, SCIENTIFIC SKATE Hak Mew asthe MOST DURABLE ‘one in ihe market. Liberal Terms to the Trade. Maloruestend ct wampto M,C. HENLEY, KICUMOND, INO comicbooks.com