Judge — June 21, 1884 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Monographs. A CONTRAST Sooy will the little clerkling sigh For mountain, beach, or countryside, And from his weekly pay lay by Just cash enough to barely tide him o'er vacation And when at last on me Or by the s tain peak, or in the clover, vd surely think to hear him speak That he was lonl and ruler over half creation. ——This is a strong attachment—as the fly in the rancid butter observed —This is a poor sea-son for traveling— so the young man remarked as he saw his dinner disappear over the taffrail. London. kleptomaniac 00 umbrellas in his possession, He believed in laying something aside for a rainy da ——“‘Look alive there! Eye’ve stewed this long enough,” the old potato will soon be shouting to the new, ave you! ared to ging reply. eye, sir; eye’m pre- * will be the encou asstop [on a visit to city cousin]— What's that noise outside in the back yard ? Somebody beating carpets? Sticklebody [cynical bachelor boarder]— Oh, ¢ only making tenderloin steaks for breakfast to-morrow. —Kentucky will plant the largest to- bacco crop this year of any in its history of tobacco growing. This is unadvisable, in view of the annual failure of the spittoon crop to meet the demands upon it. If more spittoons are not raised, or less tobacco planted, this Perle will soon be reduced to spitting on the floor, or into the fire, just like any vulgar and barbaric race. —The Whitehall Times wants to know why the Japanese s bury their dead Js downward. ‘This isa grave it we presume it is to give their ance to rise. sk the poet ‘ What subject have you chosen?” instead of ‘¢ What subject has chosen y [—Marie Eschenbach. Marie is mistaken. If the poet comes up here, we don’t annoy him with any impertinent que: tions. We simply throw him down stairs and break his head—if fortune smiles upon our efforts. ——Minnesota is the largest cold water Ss in the Union. It has 7,000 lakes within its borders, and the Minnesota man who can drink “whisky straight” in the face of all those puddles waiting to be drained, should have nerve enough to kick his mother-in-law, or run for president of this glorious land. —A country journal says: “< Bee-keep- ers must provide pasturage if profit is pected.’’ We don’t see the necessity of this advic There is not a man living who wouldn’t vacate the most fertile ten-acre lot in this country for one small, healthy, active, busy bee in search of pasturage. And there wouldn't be any back talk about it, either. question, ——When we see a girl with a face as full of freckles as pepper on a boiled ham, sailing along under a parasol these summer days, our thoughts turn reverently back to that old axiom, ‘‘An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” and we wonder how under the lurid sun that speckled girl can make it apply in her case. found | THE CHAIRMAN OF THE THE JOUN R, LYNCH ONE WOULD AND THE June. Om! June! thou lovely month of roses Of flower-decked fields and verdant hills, Where one in dreamy ease reposes, Lulled sweetly by the woodland rills— And yet, oh June, thou hast thy ills, Oh, tender month! thy balmy nights, And fragrant airs, and soft, blue skies, And warbling birds’ melodious flights, Are things which charm the ears and eyes— And yet, oh June, those dreadful flies, Oh, month of sweetly purling streams, Wherein with joy we dip our mugs, Nature's own nectar sure it seems, And no vile make of murderous drugs— And yet, ob June, those horrid bugs Oh June, thy radiant summer's dress The eyes of all with joy delights, Such charms indeed thou dost possess, We'd dwell forever on such sights— And yet, oh June, thy sweltering nights, Yet still, oh lovely June, thou art Matchless of months, and most we prize That which lies nearest to our heart, And such thou dost, joy of our eyes— Despite thy bugs and heat and flies “The Leafy Month of June. Mrs. SprLkins remarks that the reason that poets call it the leavy month of June is because so many people leave the city for the country in that month. She says she thinks, as for that matter, that all would as lief do that as not. Young Spadewell [reading from agricul- tural paper]—‘ Feed young calves three times a day at regular intervals.” Father (looking up from almanac]— “That's sound. All you boys ’ve been brought up in that way.” REPUBLICAN CONVENTION. EXPECT TO SEE REAL JOUN kt. ACCORDING LYNCH TO NEWSPAPER REPORTS Utilizing a Picture. Our sanguine contemporary, Puck, hav- ing called a little convention of its own and defeated Blaine, neve: ed that the Republican convention at Chicago would presume to differ from the collective wisdom of Puck's editors and artists in assembled. Consequently Puck a picture illustrative of Blaine’s defeat; by the time this picture was finished all the world except Puck knew that Blaine and victory were synonymous. Poor little Puck! What was to be done? It was too good a picture to destroy, so they just changed the caption and endeavored to make it appear a prophecy of events to come instead of a record of things past. Ingen- ious but usele Puck will have to eat more cro Blaine will be jus hard to beat in November as he was in June. Tales of My Grandmother. TALE NO, UL My grandmother had been twice married. My father and Aunt Prissy were only half- brother and sister. My father was the off- spring of the first marriage and Aunt Prissy that of the second. My grandmother was devotedly atts to the memory of both husbands. > always wore two wedding- rings and two large gold lockets with * In memory of” printed on them in. black enamel and a miniature of a husband in each. When my grandfather died she erected a magnificent monument to his memory, on which she stated, for the infor- mation of passers by, that he was the dest, the most affectionate and the most beloved of husbands, and mentioned the fact that the monument was erected by his heart-broken widow in memory of her irreparable loss. When Aunt Prissy’s father died, time and experience had modified grandma’s views on comicbooks.com