Judge — June 21, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. DISTANCE LENDS ENGHANTMENT. Party ox Rock.—* Ha! yonder isa way. And perhaps he never will know that he was hopel no doubt that a really ing landscape helps out the picture marvellously. photographer with his camera pointed this photograph ith hi: pointed this good figure, in an otherwise uninterest- [Strikes a graceful attitude. } ssly posing before the theodolite of a surveyor, who was laying out suburban allotmen for myself, and the next n our winding way. Simeon never was particularly brilliant, but I declare that all the way to Chicago he was stupider than a horned owl. Ile acted completely crestfullen, and I never dared let him out of my sight for one minute, We stopped one night in New Y put up at Astor's. was bound to have trip, for heaven ht we were on ork and It cost considerable, but all the luxuries on this nly knows when Dll get another chance to attend a convention. ‘Not, I fear, till woman, lovely woman, is to cast her ballot, free and equal with er und the lesser animal called mat I remarked to a fellow passenger. One thing is certain, Simeon ‘Il never be sent again. How he got the appointment this time is more’n Lknow. ‘The only pub- lic office he ever held was that of hog-howard and he’s been trying for ten years to get on as selact man without succeeding. However, it's not for me to question Providence, and I digre ‘They treated us well at Astor’s, but I paid for all [ got. ’Pears to me if I was as rich as they say Mr. Astor is, I'd either quit a tavern or I'd be patriotic enough in delegates free graltis. imeon says, ** What can you expect of people that get their living skinning skunks and woodchucks, as old John Jacob did?” which is about the only sensible thing I’ve heerd Mr. Soporose utter for two weeks. Well, we finally hed Chicago in a more or less exhausted condition. I had serious encounters with the sleeping-car porters all the way, and I did all the fight- ing myself. Simeon acted as if he didn’t dare say his soul was his own. We didn’t go to a hotel. I found our funds were getting rather low, so we put up at a boarding house and slept in a small room on a hard bed, for a dollar and a half apiece. We'd been here two days be- I found out that Mr. Soporose had a lot allowe he nig fore of extra tickets to the convention. All the other delegates were a selling their's at high figgers, and I just thought I'd take a hand in and dispose of some of our’s. It didn’t take me long to discover that the convention wasn’t a going to do us female suffragists a penny’s worth of good. We stood no show atall'on that platform; that I could see from the first. I argufied and argufied with Simeon on the subjeck, but I couldn't seem to make him understand the matter at all, so I told him now was the golden opportunity of his life, and that if he'd make a speech I'd write it for him; but he was as obstinate as a mule, and wouldn’t do anything but act like a fool and talk against Blaine when he didn’t know I was listening. So I turned my attention for a time to dollars and cents, and made a nice, snug little sum selling the tickets that I abstracted from Simeon’s pocket without his knowledge. I told Simeon, from the start, that Blaine would be the winning man, but the fool couldn’t see it. We talked the matter over one night, and I thought I had finally con- vinced him it was his duty to vote for him, when I became aware that the ‘enthusiastic member from Beartown” had fallen asleep, and that I was pouring my eloquence into his deaf ear, which be had taken the precau- tion to turn uppermost before succumbing to Morphitus. After that I ceased to waste my breath upon him. I told him we'd adjourn further conjugal debates, sin dee, or until we reached home, but the next morning I took it upon myself to work at large among other and more sensible delegates. I button-holed all the men I knew—and some I didn’t know, and the way I talked up Blaine was a caution. Perhaps I say it as I oughtn’t to say it, but I dou’t believe the Senator from Maine would have got the nomination if it hadn’t have been for your humble servant. I told Simeon so, and I said, if other folks had worked as hard as I had, the majority for Blaine would have been larger than it | was. Mr. Soporose’s reply was, that I talked like a fool, but I didn’t care what he said, I was 80 excited, My umbrella was shaky when I left home, and the way I pounded with it, whenever cctasion demanded, racked it. considerably more, but the last straw that broke the camel’s eye was when the final ballot was given. I fost control of both my umbrella and myself and we both went to pieces together. I brought it down with such a vigorous thump that it flew in all directions like the on’s one hoss shay, and I lost my bal- nd my presence of mind at one and same time, and fell all in a heap, and might have been erushed in pieces, if an Arthur man hadn’t picked me up, which makes me feel more sympathetic toward Arthur than I did before. Poor man! I know he hates to move, and I believe I'll write him a letter of condolence. imeon didn’t show much anxiety about my fall, I was somewhat bruised but my bones and ribs were all right, which was more than could be said of those of the um- brella. On our way back, I stopped long enoagh in New York to get a new one and I did some other shopping, for I had plenty of money—no thanks to Soporose though. — He behaved awfully at the stores and nearly drove me wild at Ma Tt was hot and crowded, and every time [ bought anything I made him follow the little girl around that took the money, to see she didn’t steal it. He finally got sick of this, and didn’t come back with the thing they called **kosh.” I spent about an hour hunting him up, and at last | found him in the refreshment de- partment eating ice cream, and making eyes ut a girl with a cap on her head. I gave him a piece of my mind and walked him off for the depot in double quick time. Before we reached home I took occasion to inform him what a fool he had made of himself and when I said with confimeaty that he didn’t know enough to vote for the su cessful man, he tried to be sa tic, and asked me what office Blaine would give me, providing he was elected. “Something better than hog howard,” says I, which silenced him completely. Ife never talks back when he sees I’ve fairly got my tongue a going. I've taught him better than that, and I'll keep to work till I can make him vote as I think proper, if it takes till doomsday. If I can’t cast my ballot in propriety persony, I'll do it by procksy in the shape of Simeon, and I'll write a specch and make him deliver it at the next town meeting, if it takes me till next summer to do it. I’m a down-trodden and oppressed woman, but I'll lift my voice in protest as long as the breath of life remains in the body of SOPHRONIA sOPOROSE. A MAsHER of our acquaintance was too modest to ask his girl from her papa. She undertook the negotiation, and was sent back to the happy lover placarded on her back with this inscription: ‘With the author’s compliments.” “And he ki weren't you m! did feel put out. cked you into the street— 2” **No, not mad; but I HE latest thing in ladies’ stockings is two 0’ clock. comicbooks.com