Judge — June 7, 1884 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. Boutier’s chances are growing very lean. Both parties want measures, not Ben—and not dry measures either. “ CONGRESSMAN health.” in any other kind of health? Ketty is in capital A HENPECKED German, alate importation, on observing 80 many headstones in one of our cemeteries bearing the inscription ‘She is not dead, but sleepeth,” clapped his hands with sudden delight, exclaiming, ‘ Mein Gott! dish bees und goott gundhry for de mens; I vill go ride pack ho-um now und pring mien tam ole vooman he-ur doo go ashlee-up py herselif somedime, und den, pooty quivick, I vill py mienselif und head- shto-un, und make hur von vidower right avay. Can a resident of Washington be | Ir it is a sin to attend dances, how are we to be justified in going toa church bawl?” asks a subscriber. We shall enchoir. PAaRtor etiquette is exercised to such ex- tremes, now-a-days, that a fellow can’t sneeze of a Sunday night in presence of his girl without an immediate written apology to her parents, in shape of an offering to settle the mason’s bill for readjusting the roof and foundation of their house. “Tae Viceroy of Canton has confessed his fault and begs to be punished.” The bold, bad barbarian! If he were holding an office in say on one of the higher planes of civilization, he would humbly ask what you're going to do about it, and beg to be promoted. Tue Oxp Ticket—a ticket of leave, left. } question Vanderbilt. “The only ob The specific obj eet of my v tof it is pleasure and rest visit, to attend the Der y t to attend thi was the sole object of my visit to En time. It has been my custom now for to lake a run over to witness this race, interview with Mr. Vanderbilt years —Engliah He is far from the land where the stocks are low, And from brokers, both “office” and " curby, But little he careth where values may go, He is over to see the Derby He sings that dear song he has ma “Phe public be d—," and thi Full little he cares, while bis milli How the honor of Wall street st e renowned, keth ns are sound, eth. He has lived for bis wealth—it is worth it, no doubt— It was all that to life entwined him And his greatest grief when he steppeth out Will be leaving his wealth behind bin. He can buy him a grave where the green trees wave, And the spring grass is fresh and herby; And meanwhile we hope that his nibs will have A good time at the English Derby The Reverse of the Medal. Te time for the comic papers to print funny pictures of city people swooping down like poisoned hawks upon their country re tives draws near. Along with fire crackers, the Fourth of July and the toy-pistol, come stories of how | the inhabitants’ of brown stone fronts lap up all the milk and cream on brother Sniggin’s farm, and how the t atoga trunks and their fashionable mistresses ta possession of the best rooms the farm house affords, and crowd the hard working husband and wife | as well as their interesting olive branches | from their comfortable beds. You see my dear JupGe [am pretty well posted on the subject; and now I want to | your attention to the other side of the ind show you how we poor fashion- uble creatures are frequently imposed upon by our rural relatives. Just one ye ‘o the Ist of last May dear husband Christophorus Ch: and myself moved into our new apartment, which is in one of the swellest buildings in town, It is situated on one of the up-town streets (delicacy forbids me to mention which one), and our furniture and appointments are all elegant. Scarcely had we made ourselves comfortable in our new quarters when, without note or warning of any kind, there arrived one day from the country four of my dear husband's country cousin I had never set eyes on them before and couldn’t remember that I had ever heard Christophorus mention their names. However, they introduced themeelves and proceeded to make themselves at home with a vengeance. ‘There were two awkward grown up girls and their father and mother, and when the females calmly took off their bonnets and outside garments and asked to be shown their rooms, it began to dawn upon me that they had come to make a visit. Fortunately our flat was a large one and contained two extra bed rooms. So, stifling my emotion to the best of myability, I made them as comfortable as possible, sent a telegram down town to Christophorus, tell- comicbooks.com