Judge — June 7, 1884 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| Another Intercepted Letter. PROM A NEW YORK POLICEMAN TO M18 SWEETHEART IN THE “OULD Dakt. My Dear Jupa The following episto- lary specimen has been placed in or come into possession of your correspondent—by what chance, or through what means or cir- cumstances, is none of your business. I may, however, remark that the syntax and |} orthography are strongly indicative of the | general mental status of ‘‘ our finest,” while the revelation is as strongly and strikingly suggestive of the modus operandi of New York police justice, and the unwholesome influence of New York politics and politi- cians therein. Yours interceptingly, | THE O'CALLATIAN. —— Presixet Ports Stasis, New Yorx City Me pear Bripoet.—It is sum yeers an’ a day since I last bid adoo to th’ ould spot whare all me affecshuns are sintered, ’special- ly becose it yet houlc ds yeer own darlint self wid yeer hadle ise an’ raving locks and cum- || plecshun which bates Vanus an’ Juno, not |} to minshun Mars an’ Jupither thimselvesan’ | all th’ other gods an’ goddesses in haythen mithology. And be th’ same token I'l ra- moind yecs now that yees faled to anser me lasht letther which wos ritten a twelve-munth last New Year’s afore I becum one of the foinest on airth. An’ ’tis meeself that has | found me forthune at last, afther all the ware an’ tare o’ me loifetime. for lo, an’ be- hould yees, I’m now a New York poliseman an’ drest up in blew coat an’ brass buttons, an’ wid a foine club in me fist, which ramoinds me o’ th’ ould shillelay up th’ chimney, an, wid a broight siven chamber rayvolver in me inside pockets to keep the pace and purtect th’ law an’ meeself. Yes | wudn’t racognize me at all at all, if yees seed me now, an’ th’ gwoirls here in me pre- sinct are all woild afther me an’ throw sheep’s oyes at me on me perambulashuns around me bate, which is considhered the best in th’ citty fur whisky an’ beer an’ all other koinds 0’ dhrinks an’ schrimmagin’ an’ fun and divarshun, sich as we used to have at home in th ould times afore iver I dhramed | ov bein’ won ov th’ foinist in New York. It will make yees laff to hear ov me expayrences since I cum on the polis, but afore I tell yees these, I'll furst explane hbw I becum won. By inthering into politix I tuk an’ | activ lade in th’ last ’lecshun here an wint || in wid th’ County Dimmocrasy, an’ as luk wud have it, we got sum o’ our min ‘lected into oftis, thongh thare wos grate scratchin’ | 0’ tickets an’a ‘moighty hot contest intoirely, | Th? leadhers o’ th” Dimmocrasy seein’ that I wos a worker tuk a grate loiking to me, an’ won of ’em afther ’lecshun axed me ov I'd loike to becum a poliseman. I wos work- ing on th’ big poipes thin, a job which wos got fur me by Aldherman Brannigan, who, be th’ same token, wos a candidate ov th’ | indipindent facshun an’ ot defated be Aldherman Mulrooney o’ ‘Tamminy Hall, who keeps a licker store in me prasiuct, an’ puts up fur the boys. Well, Dimmocrasy frind, whose name I won't minshun, tould me ‘that he'd get me on th’ polis, ov I wished, and I tould him up an’ | down that I’d be much obloiged fur th’ favere, || as it wud be betther than th’ big poipes. | ‘To make a long story short, th’ furst stum- | bling block on me way wos to pass the doc- thor an’ bethune ourselves wos _afeerd, knowin’ that since I resaved that batin’ fram THE JUDGE. ON HISTORIC GROUND. Farmer JouN (to visiting re the very spot where the brave Gen. MIRANDA (not up in history):—‘ Fell! tive) th’ Muldoon shun at th fare of Kilmache- allogue, which nairly lade me at death’s dore, I wosn’t fit to be inspected be any docthor. But me friend 0’ th’ Dimmocrasy med thet all roight wid the docthor an’ 1 passed th examinashun. But that wasn’t the wurst, for thin I had to pass in readin’, ritin’, an’ spellin’, an’ other learned branches, which yees know wos rather hard far me, considherin’ that I spint very little o’ me toime at school when the same wos kipt be our old tacher Thady O’Mulligan O’Heerli- hee at th’ fut o’ th’ mountin. But me frind who got th’ best of th’ docthor, stud to me like a brick, an’ divil a bit 0’ examination I ivir stood, barrin’ writin’ me name as well I culd, an’ tellin’ th’toimeo’day be th’ clock, an’ a fue other things which I used to know at home an’ have now forgot, an’ now I have me foine uniform on an’ ken walk as proud asa paycock or as any army peeler could do in th’ ould counthry whin they had nothin at all to do to airn their money from th’ guverment, barrin’ huntin’ pigs an’ goats an’ other fore-legged annymals, ontil th’ Fineens an’ skirmishers, an’ Dinnymiters | med them airn there wages. me County As this is me day off, I’ll now raylate to yees sum of me expayrences since I jined th’ force six weeks ago, On me furst noight I wos goin’ along in foine style wid me brass buttons shining in the moonlight like sthars, an’ me club twirling in me band like a shil- laley, as if I’d been used to handle it all me loife, whin who shud cum in me path, hor. rooing an’ shoutin’ an’ makin’ all koinds 0° quure figgurs on th’ sidewalk an’ sumtimes McE lfatric 1 At over thar, fell.” Good lor, did he hurt hisself? Miranda, on that thar hill is in th’ middle o’ the sthreet, os if his verry salvashun dipinded on his nise an’ sircum- umbulushuns, but a foinely dressed man who had more o’ the crathur on boord than he culd carry. An’ th’ nearer he cum to me th’ more cross he got in his timper, ontil at last he cum up to w hare I wos standin’, watchin his antics an’ capers. An’ thin se I, proud of me nooathority, (an’not knowin’ | who I wos talkin’ to thin, an’if I did Pd | have betther manners), seys I, ‘What are | yees shoutin’ fur this our o’ night, an’ dis- | turbin’ dacent people ia their beds, an’ brak- | ing the pace o' night,” seysT. “Ive nun o” your d—-n business,” seys he, an’ wid th’ words, I rasaved a blow in th’ nose which stunned me almost as bad us a crack 0’ a blackthorn at hom An’ whin I recovered meself, seys I, ** I'll make it me bisness you spalpeen,” fur I wos ankshus to pruve me bravery as soon as possible, an’ wid that, sazed him be th’ coat collar, an’ while vod be sayin Jack Robinson I had him afore the | sargent’s desk at the stushun, an’ charged him wid disordherly conduc’, an ’sault an’ | battery, an’ other things, an’ showed me nose | to the sargent in proof of me assershun, | Faith an’ it wosn’t long afore th’ night Judge arrived and tuk his sate to here cumplaints, an’ [brought me prisoner up afore him wid pride in me eye an’ saluted the Judge foinely. Sut insted of tryin the prisoner at th’ bar, phat do yees think wos th’ furst wurds th’ Judge spakes to me? — * Offiser,”” seys he, * phat did yees arrest 4 ssimblymun MacGro- gan for?” “Whin I heerd th’ wurds I wos damfounded far I knew me farst expayrance { | | comicbooks.com