Judge — May 31, 1884 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Only Girl Ever | Loved. Sue's had hair of most exquisite yellow She's bad hair of black, Hlaxen and browu She bus tlirted with every fellow The bit Hirtatious in town She has tend ed me fingers uncovered, Shaken Lands with me perfectly gloved le season unlovered, The only girl ever I loved. 1 Lily 5 well Her name has been I Maud, M Ida, Dora, Fan, E Louisa, Nell, Alice e called I “darlin, rby o ost ende ing 1” her, 1 doved petted ded, when safe out of be ‘The only girl ever I loved. She's been pert and been smart and been simple Dressed in every manner of taste; She has had—only once th a dimple And all ible sizes of waist She has seemed to me simply perfeetion, Thave th She has failed to stand nea ght that she mi; be improved inspection ‘The only girl ever | loved. s dwelt ina Murray Hill mansion, She has lived in a hash hou Her figur Her charms have required cross town, has needed exps ing down But no matter the place of our meeting In whatever ci he moved, ook kindly to restaurant eating, nly girl ever [loved iron, soft as th d me with Swin next, | She bas do: She has worked me } At her biddii My ulster Duy seats for t Byron, hoved | og y on Monday She's accepted when T popped the question; She's refused, and has wondered I dared But neither case was her digestion (In my observation) impaired Shi always liked sleigh-rides in winter, And summer excursions approved, And how could J stay ber or stint ber— The only girl ever I loved I married this sprio, Turns lightly —you know the old lin And my daisy, my Is now irretriev young man’s fancy sunflower, n ply mi But there's not such a surfeit of Bliss in’t On acquaintance she has not improved, | And {'m sadly afraid my wife isn’t | The o1 rl ever I loved, $ soon as the Chancellor reaches his | place, attendants place before him hi dozen well-sharpened pencils and a larg | glass of Moselle wine.” ‘This may seem an intolerable deal of suck toa pennyworth of — but think of a pennyworth of ‘sich! | clear that the present foremost man is none | of your bloated aristocrats. The Moselle rt, even such purely republican and dem- ocratic institutions as the American Ochil- tree and hog, would be likely to think a dinner of only half a dozen lead-pencils the flimsiest kind of grub. “A reLLow feeling” in your pocket for | your purse does not make you feel ‘* won- drous kind ” towards the fecler. 1 is nothing original about an egg. It simply follows in the beaten track. It is | | | ! L Fuast Lavy Mr. Stunt light on his fet.’ Sreosh Lapy. x, very; but not very light on mine. | Twins. dear little creatures, L named one ‘Sally — | _ Amandy,” and the other one is named | How to obtain a few dollars has been a ** Cully Marandy; [think these numes chime j matter of e« ation for me for the last mighty nice together. Now the trouble is, \ few day Lam not in want of a bottle of Cally Marandy can out-cry any child of her ] beer, ” It’ea bottle of Afra; s sooth. size und age in the United States, and [ want ing syrup that I'm after, It’s not for the a bottle of Mrs, Winslow's soothing — |) want of tine clothes to sparkle around the syrup for un Tean get it Cally | THE JUDGE. THE LIGHT FANTASTIC. streets in that I’m waiting to turn te obtain to buy some cle that are layin vide for them, to see which way a few dol But it’s hes for my two little twins here without a father to pro- ‘Their father left us in about an hour after the twins were born. About year ago | got married to ‘Th Jeffer- mm Suites, I must confess that his name had about as much influence over me as did his looks (for I always like big names) in y him. We had a most delight- ful time through our married life, until tive weeks ago when my two little twins were born. They ure two of the prettiest chil- n the world ever produced. As soon as homas Jefferson heard that he was the the father of two girls all in a minute, it must have confused him, for he my room and never even looked at mi commenced to pick up all his clothes an¢ tie th yellow handkerchief, i going to bring two child time for him to work for, that he'd leave before it got any worse, and that I might take the two little twins and work for them, for be was going to the gold diggins. I’ve had an awful time of it all to myself, for Thomas Jefferson is gone. It like to kill me to do the naming, for these two twins are just the prsttie t children in this world, and as much alike as two blac! ed peas. ‘The only way to tell them apart is to put a blue cotton string on one’s arm and a red cotton string on the other's. 1 come nigh g into a fever trying to hunt up their names, for I wanted their names to jingle together like poetry, and last night I succeeded in finding a name apiece for the Marandy will just have for three month Old Miss Jilte ild has got the three months colic Doe. Hughes's wife has got two boys and i Tall born together, but their father stood — | by them like aman should do. ‘The young ones are six months old and are still without any names, She wants to name them all | three so that their names will rhyme, and Jinsey Hughes has nearly studied herself to death over the names of her three young | one » told me toask you, Mn. JUDGE to rhyme them three names off for hi Re. { member there 4 sand one boy to rhyme off. Truly yours, M ARET SNIPELES. to keep on a squall- says © two How to Spend a Really Enjoyable Evening. Procure a room moderately large, and — || furnished with an ancient, haircloth set of — |] us uncomfortable build as possible, Si | that the set contains two small, slippe: sof k very lov pout three qu ters of a yard usual complement — | | of stuffed armchairs, that is two. Also a || full line of little uprights with open backs rved in garlands, in bold relief; which, if | supied for any length of time, will super- | | ; induce great spinal debility. | Flood the apartment with light, heat it thoroughly, crowd it with people, females || preponderating; overcharge it with hilarit and call the reunion ociable.” Let the entertainment open with a classical piano | solo, very long and lands¢ be out of tune so much the better, Always comicbooks.com P If the pane 4H