Judge — May 24, 1884 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WON'T THE JUDGE. TACKLE HIM. ONE IS AFRAID AND but it is hardly correct to call a piece of furniture an institution. How shall we keep our boys on the farm? Don’t bother at present about this most burning of agricultural questions. Wait ve boys that time, unless all the question will be: * How shall ve keep the boys from driving the old man off the farn Could one readily dispose of a large crop of watermelons? Not necessary. Go on a party; take dog along; leave faithful policeman to guard the melons: crop will then dispose of itself. What is the proper time to sow oats? in wild oats, wait till the age of nine if you mean horse oats, sow it at least before it is wanted for the horse. Is a course at college an advantage to a farmer? If you avoid agricultural colleges, yes; but chiefly as a means of discipline, forming habits of obedience and such like. A young gentleman who has d four years in bulldozing the faculty, and exchang- ing bloody noses with the townsmen, has been doing something more than stufling himself with dry husks of learning—not but that a thorough knowledge of conic sections and Greek grammar is a great help in pound- ing an opinionated mule, or in chasing an elusive calf through a thicket of blackberry briers. Are sheep most profitable for mutton or wool, or anything else; and which brand would you prefer—Plymouth Rock or Early Rose? Undoubtedly more profitable for mutton or wool, but if by ‘any thing else "you mean bristles, can’t compete with the por- cupine. But you’re barking up the wrong tree again. “If your handwriting didn’t prove you to be an honest, steady young man, we would have to rashly conclude that you wrote out some of these questions while If THE OTHER DAREN'T. sobering up. Plymouth Rock and Early Rose are not brands of sheep, but breeds of potatoes, In conclusion, on the whole, do you think it advisable for a young man to enter on an agricultural a raising calves a paying business? We think it in conclusion on the whole advisable to let the agricultural career slide, and go into farming instead, A tion whether it pays to raise k your mother, MACKIL The Tramp's Reminiscences. so,” said the tramp reflecti leaning his back up against the area-railing, while a yearning, far-away, can’t-cut-it-off- without-spoiling-the-whole-piece sort of a smile flitted across his face; ‘instead of being moved with pity at our misfortunes and meeting us with the spirit of charity, people mostly seem to be moved to set the ull-dog on us and meet us with clubs, and cart-runge and like articles of virtu. Most folks regard us with as much habitual cold aversion as though we were all regular profes- sional burglars, or New Jersey bank-cashiers or members of the Legislu!.are.” “And that tends to make life seem a weary burden?” “A weary burden! Why it breaks a man all up; makes him feel that all things earthly are but empty, cruel voids and hollow mock- eries,” gloomily responded the tramp. ‘* And yet some of the truest, noblest men that ever stood by the side of a free lunch counter were nothing but tramps.” * Force of circumstance The tramp drew alimp, wearied, uncertain ruin of a paper collar out of his boot, and hastily pinned it about his neck, as he saw | the red-flia the cook looking out of the area window. “That's it, exactly,” said he huskily. “It is the phantom fortune that drives men out into the cold, cold world to mect the rebi of fellow-men and boilin of stove-wood. ‘Take the panda tramp is ‘ou probably have noticed th rity in the matter of dress ar arance, and they are of tin one respec tramps are made, not born, [ ured in the very lap of luxury.” ou had wealthy paren plied the tramp, def 1 patch upon the k gray pa little more to the r father was intensely wealt He was the keeper of a railroad restat one of those where you can geta pre-h sandwich of the crustacean order fora q ter, and two hard-boiled seve » When my han and the egg that the fluff and freshness had faded away forever, let the starving traveler have dollar, Oh, you bet! v pinning ts y—opulently 86. ity had bloom he would felt he was well lid your reverse in fortune come I will tell tramp, with an the mystery; Heaven's whisper a young man I obtained a position staff of a well known comic p i my futur : noon the ran onfusion of the moment, I rev poor, weak, fecble, decrepid, color-blind, bald-headed old joke about the alleged |: i | > maidens’ feet. The fo father disowned me, and every door of honest employment was bolted in my face. I bec atramp. I went to Ch I made sonal inquiries; and, sir, tired of life was to find that the was no joke at all, It frigid, untrammeled, wire-woven truth. MB. STITT Wert, I went to Darmstadt, but I must say I wish I'd remained in London, for of all the dismal weddings I ever witnessed this one at Darmstadt was the worst. comicbooks.com