Judge — May 24, 1884 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ina Garden. Now doth the lazy husband-man Emphatic murmur ‘darntheluck!” And with the hoe and rake in hand Prepare the beds for garden truc! While on the porch his loving wife With latest novel calmly si Or shakes her apron for dear life And *shoos” the chickens into —Bismarck 1 its. ribune. A Sportsman Who Loved His Dog. A LITTL bonfire, suddenly flames.” A sportsman happened to be pi ing, and his.high-bred dog jumped into the flames and pulled the child out. The fran- tic mother came swooping down from the house screaming: “Ts he hurt? “Dang it, yes, ma’am!” exclaimed the sportsman, who arrived at the spot just before she did; ‘*don’t you see the feather- ing is all burnt off his tail?"—Burlington Free Press. child who was playing near a Is he hurt? Leap-Year. Mabel.—‘* Do you try to observe the golden rule, Mr. Nic fellow? indeed. Do you? Mabel.—* Yes; 8 try to do would be done by Nicefellow.— Mabel.—** But 1 sometimes fail. to try, I should fail now.” Nicefellow.—* Indeed. Why?” Mabel.—** 1 am not tall enough to reach.” as I That is the right spirit.” If I were No cards.—Philadelphia Call. How Johnny’s Father Got in Trouble. “Say, m were married mother. “No, Johnny; what makes you ask? ‘al men keep skeletons, don’t pa a doctor before you sked a little fellow of his ‘Bat what has that todo with your father being a doctor? ” asked the lady, impatiently “Oh,” replied Johnny; ‘1 heard that he had had a skeleton in his closet since he married you.” raged feelings getting the better of her. Well, when he comes home, I'll havea num- ber of bones to pick with him.” Johnny’s father will be more careful of what he says in the future in the hearing of his intelligent offspring.— What She Borrowed. Tuere are families who live by borrow- ing. They borrow everything needed in a household, from a spoonful of lard up to a bushel of coal. ‘The other day Mr. Lendall, on reaching home, found Mrs. L. convulsed with laugh- ter. On asking the cause Mrs. L. replied: “Little Mamie Brownstone was just here on a borrowing expedition.” “ What did she want this time?” “She came in and said, ‘Mother wants to borrow your best night-gown, pot company and her’n looks old and shab- ‘ And you let her have it?” “Of course—poor woman,”— Washington Hatchet. é | —Boston Pos tripped and fell into the | —2eslon Post. “Oh, did he?” cried the mother, her out- | THE JUDGE. Kentucky's favorite son is Carli ale, “but | Vatterson it has in the Louisville editor.— Lowell Courier. Woxcester hasa policeman named Make- vie It is suggested that he change it to Keeppeace,— Boston Globe. AND Eaton” 1s the ticket one s for the Democ The | Payne generally comes after Eaton, not before Norwich Bulletin. Tne Journal of Health says that a cold may be cured if the patient will eat nothing fora day or two. This may account for the scarcity of colds among newspaper men, “PAYNE paper noming order is wrong. Many Een Case says there will } three women to one man in heaven. We know who the man is likely to be, but for the life of us can’t place the three women.— | Peoria Transcript. ‘Tey continue to add stories to the tall tenement buildings in New York. ‘The last is usually the story of the building’s destru tion by fire and the roasting of the inmates. Boston Transcript. Persons who write communications for the press, saying what they are ready to do for the good of the country, should always sign their mes, as a guarantee of faith. ‘There is too much anonymous man- hood in the world.— New Orleans Picayune. A GENTLEMAN was telling of the destitu- tion of the peop! ole in a certain district in the far We *Why,” said he, ** there are hun- dreds actually begging for bread.” ‘That's | pretty bad, str: r, no mistake,” remarked | a tired looking specimen of humanity; but | tain’t half so bad as working for it.”—os- ton Transcript. ridden consumptives lying in different wards ina New York hospital, have sued fora divorce, and the referee recon mends that it be granted. It is suspecte that one doesn’t want to bi prostrated with grief over the death of a wife or a husband, 3 the case may be, as such a shock might prove fatal in his or her present enfeebled condition. —Norr. Herald, WILLIE NN and his son Jesse Gunn, of Georgia, loved and wooed the same young lady. The son, the son of a—that is td the son of Mr. Gunn, won, and married he jun, oras they say down South, “Pop Gunn, was wildly incensed thereat, and got down his shotgun and lay for young Gunn. Young Gunn was up and doing, however, and getting down his own gun put a bullet through Gunn just the latter was aiming his gun atyoungGunn — As Georg’ guns ar 's loaded and made to shoot, the young man will be promptly acquitted, —Chicago Times. Ix the broker’s offi “T understand that Ican subscribe here for stock in the Meagre Railroad ?” said a stranger, whom the hayseed in his hair and the mud upon his brogans indicated as belonging in the count, “Yes, sir,” replied the broke ‘Let's see; this is a safe investmen' erfectly safe.” ‘And you have had twice the entire amount offered by leading capitalists?” “Yes, sir.” But the pro- jectors chose to give the people an opportu- nity tomakea good thing?” ** That’s it, ex- Well,” remarked the country in- quirer, “I guess I'll be generous, too. I ain’t no hog. I’m willing to give somebody elseachance. So’long.” Aud out he went, accompanied by a chuckle in his throat and Two | | tue! a twinkling in his eye.—Boston Transcript. Curious Folks. “Wirat’s that you've asked a lady of her colore ving home. me? tin yourapron cook who was in I got in dis heah Yes, in that there apron.” Vidduls,”” ** Let me see She opened her apron which was nearly large enough for a wagon cover. “You ought to be ashamed of yourself, for you have taken nearly everything in the ho} I thought you were a church mem- ber.” “Hole on right whar yer is, lady. Dar wuz two pies in de safe, an’ I tuck one. Dar wuz two loaves 0° ae id, an’ le ily tuck one. I tuk ha’fo’ de meat an’ ha’f o’ de udder staff. Ef [wan't a F ehutolh member Ider all. ‘Thinks dat I’se acted fa’r ter leab yer haf, I'se gwineter quit workin’ fur h curis folks. Arkansaw Traveler, Where They All Come From. “Op what nationality is our landlady?” asked a Newman man of a fellow-boarder, while they were waiting for their usual morning hash. “I don’t know,” replied the other, “but from the appearance of the kitchen and her clothe: hould judge her to be a native of Greece.”—Newman Independant. Disastrous Advice. A PEASANT who had seven daughters wear- ing out sole leather for him went to the cave of a wise old duffer and b at his advice as to how to bring them up. “Marry them off as soon as possible, and you can” break up housekeeping and go boarding among them.” After a few months the father returned to the cave, and his phiz had such a lonesome expression that the wise man cried out: “*Ah! you must follow my advice to learn visdom The trouble is that I did follow it, but instead of having seven places to board around at, I have seven sons-in-law to board on me.”—Detroit Free F WILLARD’s HOTEL, a WASHINGTON, D. 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