Judge — May 24, 1884 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

yy yy Y / Osukosu, Wis. Editor of Tar Junge: Dear Sin—I am a young family and want to go to and be a Jay Gould or a man of goo « York City, anderbilt; but had not remembered that when would tickle the filly on the back she would kick up, he never could have had the honor of holding the dear little creature on the horse. We went to the door and heard Thomas Jefferson state his 2 to Doctor Mary. Ie told her that curiosity prompted him to visit Mrs. Tibby Walker and her daughter, and after remaining awhile he found it impossible to tear himself from them. There was only one room to the und it contained only one bed, which told him to o He retired, and feeling that something would transpire, he determined to watch the three witches. He and soon he saw the old woman look up the chimney; then she gave each of her daughters # cap anc ; then placing a cap upon her head she went to the chimney and said, ** Up and out,” and away she went. The next daughter did the same, and away she went up the chimney. The third was about to go through the same pre gramme when I jumpt out of bed, snatched the cap and stick out of her hand, and plac- ing the cap upon my head and repeating the words “Up and out,” I found myself on the housetop beside the mother and daugh- ter. Old Tibby stretched out her arm and any one THE JUDGE. Mi] 7 Ki JA | 1 am poor. How do most young men start | themselve Yours truly, Yous and we all flew off on the We went over mountains, nd rivers, until way up in the of the Yellowstone w Old Tibby gave a peculiar whistle, an Rufus I me out to quired if the President was t 1, find- ing that he was, told Mr. Hatch to tell the lent if he wished ever to succeed on the next run for office President he must immediately turn Doctor Mary Walker out of office, or her charm would be broken and she could do nothing for him in the next mpaign. After delivering this message all flew home, and on ving there got in through the keyhole. ‘The witches discovered the trick I had played upon them, and, throwing some liquid over me and pronouncing some outlandish w« as immediately stricken down as you see m and now, my dear lady, cure me if you can. Doctor Mary called for a hank of yarn, and, putting some of the hairs of a gray cat on the head of Thomas Jefferson, she pulled him through the hank three times, and he was well in fifteen minutes, I don’t blame old Tibby for wanting Doc- tor Mary out of the government office, for she will ruin old ‘Tibby Walker’s busines peaceful valle May. | | of their husbands being well shaved. she remains there. I wonder if they are kin folks. Doctor Mary is out of office. What will ever become of the President if old Tibby should ever conjure him is a question. Ode to a Hen. Avtuor of ometettes! 7 High be thy place in proud creation’s plan! If thou wert not, where were fair fricassee, | Seductive -alad, or the potted can? 1 Some taunt thy cou When Hen, nor deem thee brave, rude Contention “her wrinkled rears | front:” Guard thou the nest, most useful of thy nthe kind, While roosters, spurred, s attle’s brunt! | Thou art not wis om leads astray, ‘Through paths most devious, to conclusions blind; With level head thou th dst life's thorny road, Leaving the purblind pedant far behind. Vv What be the goals men seek, but few shall gain? wealth, ambit ting shadows all aght can buy— id in earth's rolling ball! pricele v. thou blest! ‘Neath thy protecti t thy chickens, a second Cal and warm, sar strode the blast?— Not ‘pon thy head should break war's blood-red storm! vt hh yon peerless Corsican arose. iant ightiest of man’s race, led die thrown by an unseen hand, ‘0 serve some end, then hurled to dire disgrace? vit Il wert thou safe! Napoleon knew full well The perfect nourishment thy spawn supplies; the sinews that wild Waterloo slut snap, before a dazed world’s eyes! vin How fond thy * brood Thou call’st te me poor, belated worm, ne “evening reveller” (as Byron sang), nabbed without a cluck,” when quick thy callow prised at morn, and squirm!” 1 ere I to ni ‘0 editor would print my massy scroll; So, Hen, farewell! If thou would T must cut off my tale (not thin ne thy myriad virtues o'er, Skin-scraping Sarcasm. “Is my shaving loquacious barber he had been flaying “My wife would admire it very much,” | rather indefinitely responded the man under torture, «Ah, id the barber with great com- placency, jadies are often excellent judges And you think mine will suit, sir?” “‘No doubt of it in the world. It was only this morning she became angry because [told her I could not afford to buy her a spring bonnet, and d I ought to be skinned alive.” The barber lost himself in reflection.— it | Pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph. comicbooks.com