Judge — May 17, 1884 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

about $1,000 worth in addition to wha had before, and shortly afterwards plate disappeared and we have never he: of either since. So much for our May man. No. 2, or our June man. We were not so particular this time about style, what we wanted now was character, honesty, virtue and so forth, and you bet we got it. Our June man was so honest, so painstaking! and so awkward and unpre- ble, t s Constantia told me with tears in her eyes he might as well be a womal Still we bore with him. He could not carry atray of glass or china down the stairs without letting it fall. Still he was | perfectly steady—a teetotaller. ‘The maid servants hated’ him as truly as they had loved our May man. At last one of them revealed to Constantia that the reason he uld not carry the trays down stairs was that had no toes, and could not balance him- elf. On my taxing him, he confessed with ars in his eves, that it was so. As all our 1d china was broken he agreed | ted to the place and ne No. 3, our July and frightened poor Con- stantia nearly to death by digging at her with his sp knife. 4. Our August man, who eloped with Justine, Constantia’s favorite maid and carried off many of my poor wife’s hand- somest garment. Our September man, who was stone deaf, and could hear neither bell nor call so he left man, who drank Our October man, who made love antia herself, and whom I was forced to kick out of doors, or rather to get a poli man to kick out as I did not feel equal to the exertion, Ife summoned usto the the police- urt and I had to pay atine for assault, and pnstantia and myself were the laughir stock of the whole neighborhood. No. 7. Our November man, who had such a mash on the cook that tl was not good enough for believe, lives on us best in the house him, and who, I as the bills increased thirty per cent after his arrival and have ne found their own level since. No, 8. Our December man, who took charge of the furnace and had the house on fire four times while he was in residence. No. 9, Our January man, who got apoplexy. No. 10. Our February man, who cut his throat. No. 11, Our March man, who went out of s mind; fortunately he had not far to go. No. 12, Who capped the climax by boil- ing the ice cream the night we gave our last dinner party. He was so intoxicated Thad to lock him up, and the next day he insisted both to m: d afterwards to Constantia that it was me—me, who had been under the influ of drink. Me who had locked him up when [did not know what I was doing.—Me whom he kept quiet that he might notexpose. Me, whodid not remember Con- who my own guests were! Such is lif stantia’and [embraced with t deft neat-handed little waitress and vowe we would never, never, have an inside man again. My experience proves that if you must have‘an inside man, you may make-up your mind he will leave you nothing else in- side, Inone short year sce me left with delft, Brittania metal and blown glass, where once 1 revelled in ch est china, costliest silver, and elegant cut-gla My wife’s costly ward- robe where is it? Ah where: all gone with much more to swell the coffers of s side man. THE HEATED TER —termagant. THE JUDGE. Stour Lapy.— Strout Gent.— Jemina the Cook's Defence. So my dear you want to know how I lost my situation, and here g I wasengaged by a bride and groom. Never was a pair more devoted, when I'd go into the room there they were sitting love doveing, and this is what I'd hear. ** Would its little petsey wity Kitzy, like to put its tiny tip toc on the pavy, wavy,” and she'd say sh kin ig her curls, “perhaps it might if its lovely, « would let her lean on his army parmy Oh its sickening to talk of or remember; but while this was going on, I’d be taking every bit of dripping from the meat, and why not, for master would say. ‘‘We’ll leave it all to you Jemima,” if I asked a question. Did they find out? not they. The inno- cent dear would say ‘* Ambrosius, the beef is tough,” and threaten to change the butcher, but I always said, “Missus don’t worrit mas- ter, its the frost did it, or the rain or maybe the strong sun.” We li in the invi-rons, and at first my pickin, wonderful, hand- fuls of tea, g ine, they were never missed, and was it not lovely to see her take out the dip candles, and hear her say ‘*Jem- ima make it last as long us it will.” Y. m’m ;” I'd say and me with dupli all the while, and putting them b to get 21 “ Now she’s hours yas the two would go link- ed on each other’s arm; and then she’d come home tired, and show me a red coral neck- lace he had bought her, made by the “Nea- politans,” all strung on red silk! ‘* Aint it too beautiful” I'd say, ‘and jist suits your dark hair, and all the time I was wondering would she find out [had given the bones, meant for soup, to the little girl that I called my niece, tho’ she t that at all but my own daughter (for I engaged as single), but what did missus care sitting up. stairs whose she 5 Lawks a me, what a fright I got one day, when it happened he comes in unexpected, and the chicken was sent down unfinished vey «Will you please pick up my ticket, sir?” | Sorry mam, bul rutes of the road’ will not permit me.” and after it she come herself. ‘* Jemima, had J taste, is your oven clean | ‘Just this very day m’m,” I say, trying to 1 look bullying tho” my he at 3 to the | dozen, She opened it her nd there was all the dripping in lumps frizzing away. The missus flushed crimson, put up to it no | | doubt, and says tha the caus ‘No || m’m ” says I, (if you tell s “Tt was because the poult chicken, with Well away went at that convinced. I forgot to say I had full control of her war and often took a turn out of her best satin gow » would say she wondered that dress wears so badly ? Oh m’m,” T’d | remark, ‘it fades sitting in the ward-robe,” after I had walked it all down Eighth av nue and sponged mud I had got ches deep. Many a time I wore her bonnets, out at evening church, and she’d say, ** how pretty you look Jemima,” and that was all but I: comforted myself, she has so much wear, and why should I not have a turn out of them But these were only played on my maste was so care! nd bein and there the way a le accounts. At first when I got her ribbons, and nick nacks, I'd give the change back correct, | then I'd take nny or two and add on to | nit 3 ine small variations I goods, the mistress | often hurried hei didn’t mind her | | the price, as she never cared to see | the bills, and one day when I turning out her poe in it; so I to take kets I fotind her purse with gold id to myself, its no more harm ten dollar piece in the whole than in halves, and away I run with one tomy — | own box, and locked it up, and sat down on | it to be sure it lly tight. aster; there was no love s, and I think he was on the ome time, for after breakfast, miss ‘ed me so gently.“ Did you s ten dollars Jemima, I lost it the oth ay “No m’m” said I, but I'll search; then I went brushing everywhere, making pretend to be busy, then just pity me, that morning the | comicbooks.com