Judge — April 26, 1884 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The bandmasther of the 69th rigimint wos thare also in all his glory, an’ to make along story short, the dhrinks wos set up so offen that when we wint out to jine the | parraide, that is all ov us that wur able to go out, we notised that the walls of the houses on aich side of the sthrate wor in close communication widh won another as if they wor talkin’ to aich other about the precesshun, an’ th’ church steeples all "round us wor jumpin’ up an’ down an’ playin’ all koinds of thricks an’ capers. But whin th’ 69th band sthruck up the “ Lakes of Kil- | larney” we began to collect our scatthered sinses an’ fell into loine widh the rest as if nothin’ had happened, an’ ivery man of us | felt that blissed minnit honner an’ glory of th’ day wos intirely sintered in him- self. Thin there was a grate fluttherin of | green an’ goold flags, an’ forty different | bands of music sthruck up at wonce in chorus, an’ the horses pranced kerchiefs waived from all the balconees all ‘round us, and at the wurrud of command we comminced to march down | Fourth avenue. Forty-nine divisions of th’ ainshent ordher wor in th’ toine, as I wos since informe: grate number of total abstinince min, like meeself, who hadn’t tasthed annything in the way of dhrink sthronger nor whisky since the Pathric! day before, an’ th’ 69th rigiment wos there in force also widh there ould tatthered and torn battle flags, an’ a grate manny other clubs an’ sosities too noomerus to minshun. | Devil resave the bit of me rimimbers what sthrates we mairched through, all I know is that we kipt mairching on to the thune of Dutch an’ Irish bands all rattlin’ away for dear loife at th’ same toime in differint languages, ontil we found ourselves agin in Union Square whare we stharted near Wash- ington’s monumint, an’ the mare of the citty an’ the boord of aldhermen revuing us, widh green ribbons loike our own in there buttonholes. Afther which the gran’ mar- tial mairched us through siveral sthrate ontil we arrived at Madison Square whare | the parraide inded an’ ivery man wint his own way home, but it is saife to say that a grate manny did not raich home till to-mor- An’ I know for me own part | pt ing.. Doubting my solvency he demanded a sore hed nixt morning, and felt quare enough intirely, but had the satisfac- shun to know that me furst Pathrick’s day an’ Patrick’s noight also in Americay wos di- voted to the honner an’ glory of the mim- mery of Saint Pathrick who, be all accounts, was parshal to a dhrop of th’ craythur him- self in his day, which wos long before the raal ould Innishone ov blissed potheen saw the face of a gauger, or th’ ould land wos ruled be an English queen widh her peelers an’ sogers. Widh koindest rimimberances to all th’ ould naybors, an’ hopin’ to here from yees in reploy to this, I rimmain yeer cinsare frind, Teppy O'CALLAGHAN, P.S. [f this doesn’t raich yees, let me know by return of the same male, for I feare it may’ be interseptid be the inimy who always had a strong suspishun of the O’Cal- laghans, as yecs undherstand, an’ small blame to ’em for that same, for if th’ mim- bers of th’ family had their wish, the innimy would soon an’ suddent share the fate of th’ shnakes long ago whin Saint Pathrick ban- ished ’em an’ there seed, breed an’ genera- shuns from th’ ould sod foriver. Prorit AND Loss—El Mahdi and Baker Pasha. THE JUDGE. SHOWING SAMPLES A Sketch in a Street-Car. Wext, you can see a middling good share of life in a street-car if you have a mind to look. I ride pretty often myself, and gener- ally sce something to interest me. But these things generally slip out of my head before they are well into it, so I resolved the other day I would take notes concerning one car load at least, and hand them down to posterity, in the columns of Tue Jupge, i Tne Jupar would deign to accept them, and if not, I would consign them to the col- ums of some of the many inferior publica- tions with which this great city is so liber- ly supplied. But I soar, soar, and would ‘eign see them in the midst of other gems of talent, and—and so on. I got in the car first myself. No one there but the conduc- tor, who looked like something between a bull dog and an idiot, the bull dog prevail- my fare before [took my seat. I paid it meekly, and was rejoiced to see another enter the car —a_ strong, burly woman, who seemed capable of protecting herself, and me too, from the violence of half a dozen con- ductors. Fora poor little weak man like me, how pleasant it is to have a strong female arm to lean on. I drew closer to her and leaned, but she did not take to me. I felt a stinging sensation in my left ear, which was caused by a sharp application of her finger tips, and I heard her angrily ex- claim, “Keep off thar young man. You’re too fresh, you are.” So I kept off, and the conductor grinned, the idiot element com- ing out strong this time. And another fe- male stepped in, looking as if she bad had a surprise early in life, and had gone about in a state of astonishment ever since. Then, in came a woman with three babies, one in arms, and two on legs, and all in a fuss, roll- ing around the car like loose peas in a pod. Then came the fat man with the plethoric pocketbook, and the two fair society belles, with their graceful airs and elegant costumes, looking as if they had only just mistaken their carriage. Next to them’the inevitable washwoman with her capacious bundle. The messenger boy, the sprinkling of darkies, and the busy man who seizes his paper to enjoy three clear minutes mastering the IN THE EAST INDIES. topics of the day. Hah! here comes a lovely apparition, a bright young girl, with laugh- ing eyes and golden hair, and no seat for her—now is my chance—I spring to my feet and lift my hat with eager haste; too late! that dude in the corner has got her into his place and stands right in front of her, and an old lady who weighs at least 150 drops into mine with a fat smile and a ‘thank you, sir.” ‘That's my] vays. Heavens! we are stopping again; is all the population of New York going tocollect in here? Here come four elegant darkies in scarlet, blue, and green bonnets. Spring styles, graci on my aching toes, and while I still writhe in agony, the conductor—heartless wretch— roars in stentori: ve “Step forward.” Shall I ever step forward again, 1 wonder? Now here comes a millionaire at least, I should gue: He comes ia as if the whole car was his and we were only there on his kind sufferance, and he looks down on us all with haughty disdain as he counts five copper cents into the conductor’s hand. No seat for him all the samey. Now we are full and so we are blocked. "Three or four cars ahead of us not likely to get on for ten min- utes anyway; Il look out of the window and grumble, Phew! it’s hotter tha and we are packed tighter than am lost in the folds of the darkie elegante in the blue bonnet. If it is the last strug- gle I make in this world, I will free mysel Tfurrah! [amon the sidewalk, teeming perspiration, breathless, muddy, and tmiser- able. Catch me taking notes again. Value this, read, mark, and publish them. And when the reign of street cars is ended, and when the new cabs rule supreme, and draw their happy occupants triumphantly through the crowded streets in single blessedness, then refer to my sketch, and you shall see what has been. Tue treasurer of the company for the Improvement of Your Present pperenntties mysteriously disappeared a few daysago, A hurried examination shows that his accouuts are straight—so far, at least, that not one of his numerous creditors seems to owe him a cent. a comicbooks.com