Judge — April 19, 1884 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Shadow in My House. I Never was a jealous man; no one could say I was. If my Julia would have her cousin ‘Tom always round the house and perpetually at her heels, I never remonstra- ted, never even thought an impatient thought, though the fellow always bored me. But there are limits to all endurance, which is only human; and when I came home from office last evening and didn’t see any one; and when I washed my hands and came down to dinner, and saw behind the screen, which I had put up to keep the draught off my Julia, the shadowy form of her and cousin Tom kissing, yes kissing, one another, it was too much. I could not see them—the screen interposed—but the tall shadows on the wall, the pouted lips just meeting—oh! it was all too plain. I sprang forward, seized Julia by the arm, and summarily flung cousin Tom under the side- board. w dare you, sir, presume to kiss my wife Chorus, Tom and Julia—*1 (he) didn’t kiss your wife.” “Don’t lie to me!” I shouted furiously Intercepted Letters. TO MRS. DONONOE, IRELAND; PROM MRS. FARREL,* NEW YORK. My vere Mrs. Dononor—Iver since we came here, I’ve been on one notion of ritin’ you a letther, but between landin’ and set- lin’, and pullin’, and draggin’, I never had one moment I dar call me own. John and meself were that tossicated with the childher, who done nothin’ but cry and squale iver since they landed. We are in a fine place here, and a grate city it is intirely. We get the best of atin’ and drinkin’. John has good work, and has kept himself pretty da- cent since ever we came, but there are a quare lot about, and it’s a grate chance that any married woman keeps alive at all. To read the papers here isacaution. The mar- ried couples, especially the wives, keepin’ killin’ and murtherin’ themselves and their husbands all the time, or, if they don’t do | “*T saw your shadows on the wall there. Oh! I know, I know. I went on wildly, hardly knowing what I said. Vainly they assured me they had only been talking seriously and earnestly, wonder- ing if the beef would be overdone, which, by the way, it was. At last Julia capped the climax by offer- ing to place themselves in the same position again, that I might see if the effect were the same. Of course I instantly negatived the shameless proposition, and once more tried to kick Tom out of the house; but, con- vinced at last by Julia’s arguments, I con- sented to the experiment. Yes, the shadow was the same, and I sup- pose it was due to the arrangement of the ights. I popped twenty times back and forth while they stood facing each other be- hind the screen; and at last silenced but not satisfied I sat down to my cold, deferred, dricd-up dinner; but I told Julia plainly that night that I objected, and in future she must not permit her shadow to embrace any man’s shadow save mine alone, but she only laughed, and said she would kiss me only substance, but she devoutly hoped Cousin Tom’s shadow might never be less. it, troth the man makes them do it, and then there’s nothin’ left alive but the chil- dhers, good luck to them, and often not them itself, for they’re often kilt too, and afther all that it’s a divorce the parents do be lookin’ for. Not a divorce I’d have, if John didn’t behave, I’d hit him back, clane and dacent, as I always done since the day I met him first, so I would, and well he knows it, and, signs on it, I gits no impedence from him. Ohi its a quare world, or not so much the wurld itself as the people that is in it. I took the childher off to see Barnum’s big cirkus, on Friday. It bet all, but I felt shy of the elephants, and it looked mighty sthrange, all the samples of people from all parts of the world. A big man from Chaney, and little men from the land knows where. You see, in sume parts of the wureld the peo ple do be very fat and in more parts they do be very thin, and they had all sorts there. You'll learn all that when you travel. I'm putting full dericktions on this let- ther, and if it don’t rache you safe, let me know by return of post, as I send you a lit- tle thrille to help you along. ‘The whole city is reioicing in the good weather, and the childher bein’ so well, all but the twins, who is cuttin’ their exthra teeth and keeps John and me walkin’ the flure all night. John welt in a board of the flurin last night, with the very dint of rockin’ little Pat, for we thought he’d rise the slates off the house, the way he bawled. Remember me too all enquirin’ frinds. So, no more at prisint. From your old frind, Susan Farrecr, Mr. Spilkins Is Made the Victim of a Heartless Joke. Mr. Sprtxins was invited to a musical party at the honse of a friend, a few eve- nings ago. Although he doesn’t know one note from another, he was nevertheless ex- ceedingly fond of music; particularly vocal music. The charm which the presence of “lovely woman ” would have lent to the oc- casion being wanting, the evening’s enter- tainment was further enlivened with cards, e and cigars, for all three of which, we regret to be compelled to say, he had also an inordinate fondness. So being somewhat surcharged with melody and champagne, it was only natural perhaps that when safely within his own front door, he should have relieved his pent-up feelings, which had_be- come of a rather maudlin-sentimental char- acter, by bursting forth with ‘Then come to my arms, Nora, darling,” a song which had taken his fancy mightily; and it was equally natural, no doubt, under the circum- stances, that his wife, after remarking in her pleasant way, that he was a “disgusting spectacle,” and that “it was simply disgra ful in a man of his years to be brawling his low love songs in a respectable house,” should have imperiously ordered him to bed; heed- less of the poor old gentleman’s explanations that ‘ Nora (hic) darling, was only a (bic) aong, and that there had been (hic) no ladies present at the (hic) party.” Now it happened that two or three of his friends who were at the party, were perfectly well aware that Mr. Spilk was the most thoroughly hen-pecked man in the city, and that his wife, strange as it may seem, was absurdly jealous of him. ‘the idea, 'sug- gested no doubt by the fact that the day fol- lowing was the first of April, entered into their heads to lay off a joke upon their ven- erable friend, in which Mrs. Spilkins herself should unwillingly play the principal part. At about ten o'clock the next day the letter-carrier delivered at Mr. Spilkins’ door, a note, which the maid took up and delivered into Mrs. Spilkins’ hands. It was enclosed in a small, delicately-tinted envelope, em- bossed with a pretty little gilt Cupid in one corner, and fairly redolent of perfume. It was addressed to Mr. Jeremiah Spilkins, in a graceful, feminine hand, and in the oppo- site corner the word “‘ private” was written, and heavily underscored. Now if Mrs. Spilkins had not immediately ned that note, and read it carefully through from beginning to end, she had been more—or less—than a woman, especially a married woman, who was jeslous of her husband. The contents of the note ran thus: comicbooks.com