Judge — March 29, 1884 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE, 2, PLENTY OF ROOM. tion. fool. Big Drum. People, Piccolo will make an excellent public office You all know his standard unvarying joke on the mule, and the goat. You'have heard his monotonous notes on the wealth of the listened to the western humor! People. Shoo fly, Sunset! Piccolo, the grea T hema: have we? Big Drum. here a beauteous for entle clutch the lily shrinks and the rose bewails a lack of thorns. Lady, how do you like / We do hereby appoint Piccolo court sustained squeak Ilurrah for American fool. es. Now, my orchestra; what Respected emperor, we have I have only just landed, gentlemen, and—— Big Drum (aside). Shut up; The Orches- tra speaks for ye The Orchestra (loudly Ameri ladies. see $0 avenue. Big Drum. And what do you think of our ‘ican scenery, fair lady? he Orchestra. Oh, 1 do dote upon your an scenery, and do so dote upon your And N rat Oh, I dote upon nd do so admire your American So delicate, so refine One may many lovely faces on your Fifth My good orchestra! And what else have Big Drum. We have here, your majesty the great foreign actor, Picaytine. Ie does not speak English, but acts /amlet in excel- cellent Date nd, the rest of the company speaking English, he thus, by this sublimity of genius, makes it apparent that //amlet was a little off. Piccolo. In fact, Picayune makes it appa- rent that the reason Hamlet was so down on his mother was, because he could not speak his mother tongue. Themasses. Ha, ha, ha! my Piccolo, Picayune speak. How does he like America? The Orchestra. Oh, 1 particularly dote plumber, and | of his wild | n actress, at whose | | American law. Tet | Jupon America. I admire the frugal care |with which you clean your strects. And your American ladies; 80 delicate, so refined. Tn Italy we have not so many lovely faces as can be seen upon your Fifth avenue. Themasses. My dear Orchestra, Excel . We are low enough with diseased pork, and our unasked for foreign greetings spat upon; but do not | let us greedily vaunt the interested praise of courtesans and mountebanks, Themasses. What! what, what, Drum, make a proclamation, Big Drum. People, his majesty commands you all to go and see this fair actress and hear this powerful actor. ‘The play will care for itself. People. r! Big Hurrah for the great artists! they at emperor, we have here rocious American murderer, Rugg. | Rugg, how do you like America? The Orchestra, Oh, npon Amer! And your American 80 delic refined — Piccolo. It is a real ple Drum, Your maj ladies to. brin .) Have we the I do ladie ure to choke ‘em. Rugg would him some flow Lord Chief Ju®ice "Piccolo (aside). No; but lot's dish him up. Big Drwn (aloud). We have here, ajesty, the Lord Chief Justice of England. My lord, what do you think of our American a The Orchestra. 1 particularly a It is most unlawfully lawful. Big Drum. And what do you think of our colleges, my lord? | Oboe. We have {roquently advised the Austrian people to take a tumble. The greed with wh low flattery give praise is ¢ Already tho eyes of Bismarck are pon them. Wo Big Druin (aside). Shut u) | out of tune. Themasses. My Orchestra, I would advise your oboeist to change his instramen Drum, make proclamation. Big Drum. People, you must all go and see Rugg hung and Lord Coleridge to the pier. ‘They particularly dote upon America. The Orchestra and your emperor command it. Themasses. Now, my orchestra, I am somewhat weary this morning, and’ you do not scem to have your usual stock of people who dote upon Aime Baritone. Your majesty, they are about to put up a big doll in our harbor. I sincerely trust you will not permit this two hundred and fifty fect of ugliness to be erected. Re- duced to portable size, the poorest Italian figure sender would scorn to put it amongst his wares. An ungainly monument of bun- combe. ‘Liberty enlightening the world!” with something that looks like a mop! Themasses. ‘But, my orchestra, it was you who recommended it, and greatly praised the French for their gift. Oboe. We have frequently advised the French people to pull down the blinds. Their scandalous immoralitics are becoming alarming. Already the eyes of Brooklyn are upon them. We— Trombone. Your majesty, the Rev. Hootn- owl is going to give an extraordinary proof of his new religion. Le is going to intro- duce the writers of Seribler’s Magazine to the ghost of an idea! We have private in- formation as to where the seance is to come off. Will your gracious majesty join us and overlook the affair i incog.? Themasses. My own orchestra. owl a remarkable divine. thereto by our worthy Gooseherd there. (Exeunt Themasses and others.) Baritone. Our emperor would sooner be i by «lord tha an recognized by an hon- mn. ing him finely. oniboite: (Now. bai g the loud cymbals for titles of nobili Piccolo. ut come, gentlemen; let us to rest. In the words of our noble poet, Swipes: Tlootn- If advised wo will be is Let us wrap our night-chirt well around us, And lie down to pleasant dreams, CURTAIN, Tene, was a young man of Chicago Whose wife was a shocking virago, o while in the house He kept still as a mouse, Though abroad he would talk like Lago. Balm for the Bow-Legged. “Say, conductor!” yelled a strapping big ket-taker, who was awfully down the aisle. |, sir, what’s the matter?” he asked, turning quickly around and retracing his step “Wantt gigantic ecley is it?” “Oh, it’s nothing to me; yourse “Why, what can Ido?” “ Go to some countr: und let yourself out as a croquet wicket. id the soil-tiller, dodging the conductor's punch.—Drake’s Travelers’ Magazine. make some money?” grinned the dn’t object. What sort of scheme it only concerns An Ohio man, whose stock was drowned y the late flood, saw the ghosts of his three cows the other night. ‘These must have been the ‘‘animal spirits” that the novels babble of—though what a heroine would want of cow ghosts, gets us. comicbooks.com