Judge — March 22, 1884 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Things a Woman Can Do. Sue can s No,” and time. She can also say ‘‘ No,” in such alow, soft voice that it means ** Yes.” She can sharpen a lead pencil if you plenty of time and plenty of pene She can dance all night in a pair of shoes Il for her, and enjoy every stick to it for all give minute of tim She can f display window of goods store without stopping—if she ning to catch a train. She can walk half the night with baby in her arms without once expre: desire to murder the infant. She can appreciatea kiss from her husband seventy-five years after the ceremony has taken place. She can suffer abuse and neglect for years, which one touch of kindness will drive from her recollection. She can go tothe theatre every evening and the matinee on Wednesday and urday, and still possess sufficient strength to attend a Sunday night sacred concert. She can go to church and afterward tell you what every woman in the congregation had on, and in some rare instances give a faint idea of what the text was She can rumple up $17,000 worth of dress goods to buy a spool of thread, with an order to have it delivered four miles away, in a style that transfixes the proprietor of the establishment with admiration, She ca but what's the us can do anything and everything, and do it well, She can do more in a minute than a man can do in an honr, and do it better. She can make the alleged lords of creation bow down to her own sweet will, and they never know it. a woman can do everything, with but one pption—she cannot climb a tree.—Philadelphia Call. dry- run- colic! ing a A woman He Didn't Smoke. A DRUNKEN man walked up to the wooden figure of an Indian girl in front of a c store the other Jay, and bumped his he d nst her extended hand. He staggered aces, doubled up his fist and shook it at her, saying: Consarn your (hic) skin. ‘in Vl knock yer nozhe all o' Don’ yer doit. 14 cuffed roun’ no sish a wa: ad taken a bett at the sign, and g off his hat, he red up to it. cuse me, (hic) madam. Beg your par- Idn’t (hic) shtrike a ’ooman for Then observing the ci- » he continued: No, shank yer. I (hic) never smoke. do it. Ish noushe, I don’ smoke. . ole girl, don’ shry to make me hig I don’ si come now, ole ive yer ‘Don’ yer “tell nobody, n’ r i} ton er (hic) lips.” He Attempted to kiss the wooden sign, but the arm was in his way and he thought she had hit him a «Never min’ ole (hic) girl. "bout yer not more’n locked up. * you do zhat yer (hic) t goin’ ter be By this time, fourteen she gars in her hand Sha; (hi you, now take Ob, e Vl T'll go’n com- in er (hic) ¢ He did and w Ir is somewhat paradoxical that the man who does the least talking in Congress 13 called the Speaker. | piled’ them on the THE JUDGE. A Newport man got married the other afternoon, and that evening he went down town and stayed all night with a male chum, forgetting all about it.—Aentucky State Journal. Tue Judge has arrived at the ticklish con- clusion that the shape of a kiss is eliptica Oil City Derrick. We will not touch her kisser a; not squ Scisso: ain if it is ttle aveler in answer “Not much! Icould never bring myself to live on merely my salary, after the luxury I have been accustomed to. —Lowell Citizen. Arant Pasna, who is an receives an allowance of $250 a month from the British government. He enjoys him- self, his wife remaining in Egypt. It would pm that the business of raising rebellion pays better t raising potatoes.— Oil City b rrick, “On, hypoerite Me?—get married and down? exclaimed the commer t to the question. exile in Ceylon, aid a newsboy to a sniveling you’ve got an awful lot of sym- pathy for you have. One day you're damin’ us, an’ the next you're pityin’ Us, an’ if it wusant that you point adifferent moral, I'd think you was the man that made up that play I’ve heard tell about—they u call it ‘Damin an’ Pityus’.”— Yonkers zelle. ‘Te other night a policeman who was patrolling High street east heard a whistle blown, followed by shouts for “police!” and after a run of half a house a second story window was raised and a man had half his length over the sill. What’s the row? manded the me purglar vhas in mein hou the answer. * How do you know?” **T hears ‘em make a noise more times! «Where are they?” * Down in der kitchen “* Have you been down to look around?” “No! no! I tells my vhife to go, but she won't sti She shumps into bedt und covers oop her headt, und [ vhas left to do all der fighting und be kilt! Dot's dar kind of a vhife she vhas!” The officer inv ated to find that cats were responsible for the noises, and retired the house-holder was callin wif ash six as he to his . if you go down rg mit'a light and a she efery burglar like tunde Press. I shtand on der st r."—Detroit Free A Storekeeper Crushed. Jones says he’s stood a great ¢ from the fair sex, but hang him if his last experi- ence didn’t cap the climax. Jones runs a fashionable dry goods store. Last Thursday udy desired to see some blankets. Jones unter before her, and weat of his honest brow stood in big It was hard work, for the lady was cult to please. When Jones had un- wrapped about sixty pairs, his fair customer smiled sweetly and said “Tdon’t think I'll purchase to-day, Mr. but you can cut me samples of ‘thes the drop: Jon any more Ik : fiends come to his store he'll turn. gunicide. —Evanscille Argu =Pean brings diver no man trom his fa (Cough Syrup has caved un und shoot | N AGAN, Nay *COLUMBIAN. €0, BREWERY and MAL HOUSE 450 W. 26th Street, BETWE! nN NINTH & TENTH AVES, NEW YORK. want to win at ca THELPER. A sure JOSEPH 0. NAY, WOM. L. FLANAGAN. POKER! Read's 3-minute Headache and Neuralgia Cure never Fails. JAMES oun | woe sf beat old 170. BROWN & Co., Salem, N. HL Sent by mall on receipt of eta, W. IL READ, Baltimore and Light Ste, Baltimo valy pare,” Salta Indorsed © Shrady and ot fate abd bait Agent fo vullky. ° te THIRD AVENUE, pear Sith st, NEW YORK. 24 FULTON STREET, © 4 PRILE. address Tace & C: Pherrepont, BROOKLYN, Tah away hts world. Fortumes Hately sure. 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