Judge — March 1, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

so ae Fi ORAS REE EE SSR RA TS 7 FF = SSS creasing porcine element, till we are likely to become a hog ridden country, particularly if foreign countries close their ports against the American hog. In this condition of affairs it behooves us, asa nation, to look about us and sce what can be done to ameliorate our condition. Where drunkenness and riot prevail, there are inebriate asylumsand reformatory schools, For criminals there is the prison and the gal- lows, but what for the hog that we meet und must be civil to because he rejoices in two legs? si remember once of going to a show where an educated pig was exhibited. He proved himself a‘ gentleman and a scholar.” Now, why not establish schools, call home the schoolmasters from abroad, and make an attempt, at least, to teach the hog manners? Careful observation has satisfied me that the hog that cannot be put into the stomach or pocket, is the growing evil of the country. You meet him everywhere, on the sidewalk, in the Park, in the theatre and concert hall; yes, even in the church; and yon may know him, without looking for his bristles, by the way he pushes past the stranger in the aisle, who Is wa for a seat, and enteri his own . 3 the door w buttons it, though thei sittin “WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE, AND NOT A DROP TO DRINK. Ye Cornucopia Coiffure. A MEDIAVAL MADRIGAL. 1 Only a medisval maid, With dreaming face and tlowing hair, Leaning on a balustrade, Building chateawz in the air. u. ‘Long comes a gallant, bravely drest, On his face an amorous leer, A conning his impromptu best To whisper in her shell-like ear. mr With hand on heart he bends to spout His euphemism. With a sigh She turns her steepled coiffure "bout, And gets him one just in the eye. momevass There was a young girl of Toronto Who did nothing she didn't want to; One morning last summer She fled with a drummer, And nobody knows where she’s gone to, There was a young man at the Falls lernoon calls; eedy young sinner Would go out to dinn And feod hard at the suppers und balls, Suing For Damages. MRS, MATILDA SMUGGINS UNDE EXAMINATION Mlorney for the Defence. Wiatisvenr e? NS. Matibla Sian tiny baptism, wherein Twas med ain Alf, Ohy belongs to a seeret pty, does Make 3 wt en sour F380, What were you mate Mrs. 8. You des up with yonr members and re member ry member and remem: Ler Thi w J out of me nthe dray went over me. ith Y crossing Fifth Avenue and Mrs, Why, certainly: and easier and safer Vd find it to cross the seven oceans in | a Browdw In the mud sir, partways, and partways in the arms of a policeman, placed there to protect the roughs and furious . Nonsense. I mean did you ride or 'S. Tran my darned best, until was i down by the feet of forty-eleven . What were you going about? Mrs, S. About four o'clock. Att. I mean what business were you going on? Mrs. S. My own business, sir, which ain’t none of yours, and very sorry I'd be if we were ever confounded together. Alt. What was the machine that went over you? Mrs. S. You blamed old idiot, how could I tell, with the squad there was round about me? I thought it was a dray; the policeman he said it was a fire engine, and made a re- mark about dirty hose which must have been at a fire lately. “I up and told him to shut up with his mean t that if I had cooked dinner lately before the fire, it had nothing to do with my hose, and done them no harm either, and his own would be dirty too if he was rolled in the mud like me, Alt, Then you don’t know what machine went over you. Who do you expect to get damages from? Mrs. S. More damages! I guess if I’m | to be damaged any more, I'll be dam—m—m. (Stammers with sobs.) Alt, Now, my good lady, don’t be profane. We can’t allow bad language here. How were you injured? Mrs. S. Twas infernally injured sir. Att. Now, now! This won't do, Policeman. She mea ’ Mrs. S. Yes, sir; 1 was 1y bust up, and bore about me the best of char a, and many valuables, which were ground into me, and has lain heavy on my stomach ever since. Att, What is your profession or calling? Mrs. S. Own cook to a city alderman, sir, which has every Saturday afternoon to my- self, asa lady should have, to walk out, with or without my beau, and be run over at pleas- ure by the vehicles, which go harmless and often unprotected through the strects of the city, which have nowhere else to walk, and every right to do asa free born citizen | should, dy, don’t get excited. er since a whole bottle which the doct ing on my heart. i . have a rib left at all, and know well, I havn't ove that’s rig comicbooks.com