Judge — March 1, 1884 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. worn an india-rubber bumper, Lonnce up and go on. at full whet > you could in dr sereun and y of assistance uch bustle, but no I fell on smooth place in front of nd jolted a tooth ont of my head, with the memory of all the articles my wie had told me to get. The owner of the store actually came out and tried to smooth it over with me, but if L could have got up in time 1 would have assisted kim down quick enough, if fd got the drop on him. It does mehow make a fellow seem so flat, as it ind Ido not see why fellows will stand ‘e me fall, and then burst out into miserable laughter; at least, I can’t see why it is until I see somebody else fall. Tam very slow in doing anything, and ly take my leisure at it, and greatly et that I can not take a little more time we when I slip down, and not be in sucha hurry | about it. [don’t like to hurry so, It was such a slippery time, t boy slipped off from home, and went sliding down hill, but when he got home I had him slip off his jac ket and gave him my slipper. Even my right boot slipped off the boot-jack and took me aglancing lick on my left an and my wife slipped all the loose chat of my pocket and bequeathed it to a milli- nery bill. The man who walked along with great independence was generally lowered; his pride being dashed to earth and him with it, and he who tried to put his best foot forward generally got his worst there. You could not tell how aman was brought up, by the way he was brought down, alw: Pedestr ried to see how much ground they could cover, and you should have seen how they spread themselves in the attempt. The man who could walk along with | ad up in the world was certainly fortunate; nd you could keep up with your competitors long as they kept up themselves—which wasn’t long. Some people, whom I knew were early risers, were not so very soon in getting up, and the most tidy went around in the veriest slip-shod manner. With my friends falling one by one all around me, no wonder I felt lonely and desolate. sty xX mark, W. BELLAW. BROWN. Witness, A. Sensible Boy of Boston. it seat in the horse car had just been taken when a very pompous, nervous old gentlemen boarded it, and, casting his eye around in search of a place in which to deposit himself, discovered that a little boy occupied the corner seat at the further end. The old gentleman evidently made up his mind to have the corner seat, and approach- ing the youngster he said: “My good little boy, you are younger than T am, and can stand the strain upon your legs better than I can, for I have so mitch more to hold up. Won't you, like a good little boy, give me aw,” said the boy, stonily « You should id. more obligir more polite, my boy her were to come You know that if your in now and ask you for your seat you would eit tohim. * You betcher life | would, the boy ina truly obliging spirit. cause 1 wouldn't ride in no ear wid no ghost.”"—Lustun Journal. swe! A Sell on Vandervilt.. SDERMILT was the victim of a sell . and has been trying his best to keep the matter out of the papers, Van- derbilt’s palace on Fifth avenue is famous, and everybody who comes to New York is, of course, crazy to see it. ‘The other day three well dressed young men watked boldly up to the doors of the magnificent vestibule of the Fifth avenue entrance and, asked for Me, Vanderbilt. “What is your business? lackey who answered the Lell. This will explain,” and the leader of the trio drew forth a note which ran something after this fashion: “Mn demanded the ‘Three travelers from the far west, unwilling to return to their stant home without seeing the most noted rt gallery of America, beg permission to ance through your collection. Your gal- 0 superior and doubtless so different nything of the kind in Austr ‘alia, we trust this favor may be granted.” ‘The servant disappeared with this mi reappearing in a few moments with the an- nouncement that Mr, Vanderbilt was at lunch, but that if the gentlemen would wait, they could go through the gullery, and that Mr. Vanderbilt himself (astonishing conde. scension!) would like tosee them. Of cou the gentlemen waited, and a quarter of an hour later the millionaire appeared, his visi- tors’ note still in his hand and his tooth-pick | still in his mouth, “So you come from the antipodes? gentlemen, I shall be glad to accord you the permission you ‘There are thousands of visitors bothering me about this art gal- lery of mine, but it is not often I’m troubled with callers from Aust i ‘The three callers acknowledged this cour- teous remark with thankful smiles, and all proceeded together through the magnificent collection of paintings. From time to time Mr. Vanderbilt propounded various ques- tions as to Australia, its millionaires, art col- lections, government, society, ,» all of which the young men answered with intelli- | fellow. without the least hesitation. ‘Things proceded thus very pleasantly until | finally, just as they were taking their leave, Mr. Vanderbilt asked: “When did you le: Australia?” * Australia?” asked one of the three in a guilcless tone, ‘‘ why we were never in Austra- Tia in our lives—we come from Jersey City!” ‘They say Vanderbilt fainted; he must have, else it would be hard to believe these young men escaped with their lives. After all, what had they done? In comparison with Persia, or even with Euro} pe, Jersey City 18 certainly, “far west,” and as for that allu- sion to Australia in their note, has not one a right to institute any comparison one pleases? This is wishout doubt the com- mon-sense view to take of it, yet Vanderbilt felt so muffed he yesterday refused to buy an atlas because the map of Australia w left. out!— New York letter to Louise Courier Journal. ligence ani Sur— kill the dear little feathered son Thad my way, I'd make a law ing birds, Guess people would they let the birds alone.” HL would the ladies do without hat ornament She—* Oh, tha entirely diferent thing. Uf course when thi actual necessity for shooting the atures, one must stifle one’s know, Transcript. If ers. ust k e's dear cr feelings, you | time ago a gentleman Well, | | | | | | | t starve if | But what | which she las Joston | heard a clap of thunder while | setout the bottle and glass | th writing up” Lake | ** How was it? «There was | boat and she was our salvation, “I think it’s asin anda shame to| whole snip’s company.” Important Rules, Tue following rules and regulations have been promulzuted by the lessce of the Arkan- saw penitentiary: ‘Turn off the gas when not in use. Under no circumstances will convicts be allowed to keep dogs in their cell Don’t spit on the floor. " order meals from the bill of fare. Wipe your fect before entering the parlor. Valuables must be deposited in the safe, as the lessee will not be responsible for their los Wine extra Don’t serateh the furniture. Don’t wipe your hands on the lace curtains. Don’t whittle the rocking chairs Don’t kill flies on the cil painting Convicts without baggage must pay in advances Children unattended, will not be allowed at the tabl By observing these rules you will confer a favor on the lesse irkansaw Traveler. Arkansaw Politeness. A CORRESPONDENT of Toledo paper has been struck b3 Arkansaw politenes: This should cause no astonishment, for, as a class the Arkansaw people rank high among the most polite “folks” of the world. Some je to Arkansaw for its crudities, | One day standing on the bank of a | small stream, a native came along and asked: “Whut yer doin’, podner, watchin’ a mu at?” ** No.” Got yer eye on a snake o’ suthin’, I reckon.” ‘No, Thaven’t. Go on iy, Iam trying to catch an idea, and don’t want to be bothered.” “Yer mout ketch a few fish ef yer wuster try rite hard, but I don’t believe you'll ketch’ any ideas, fur ter tell the truth, cap’n, I don’t believe you've got the bait suitable fur ketching ideas.” "The writer was a very impulsive man, and quickly deciding that the scrawny fellow needed chast isement, he said: “If I could get over there I’d thrash you, my lank “No trouble ’bout that,” replied the native, and rolling a log into the water, he helped the correspondent across, whipped him an conducted him safely to the other | bank. Oh, yes, the people of this State are | polite.—Arkansawo Travele She Saved His Life. ‘TuEre were a lot of drummers seated around the store. “T tell you what it is,” said the St. Louis commercial traveler, “ the boys can just make all the fan they please of the Lake City, but as for me, I shall ever feel deeply indebted to Chicago. “Why so?” asked Bangs, a Chicago man. « Because a girl from that town saved my life.” “When?” “Last summer when I was up on the Got shipwrecked, you know,” Chicago belle on board our Saved the * Didn't swim ashore with all of you?” “Tow then?” “Noble girl! She wore cork-soled shoes ether with strings and made a raft. got abourd and flouted ely ashore.” 1 then it was so quiet you might have he bar tender —Tezas Siftings. comicbooks.com