Judge — February 2, 1884 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. cudn’t tell Where the shtarsecame from that flew from the back of me hed, Other passengers shouted, ‘‘give it to urve him roight,” and thin. there nfusion all over the cair, and befoar I me wits togayther, the passengers escaped wid their loiv All but the woman wid the basket, she bein’ me woife’s furst coousin, and payin’ no fare, remained 1 me to the ind, and whin we raiched the pot, she haird me explination to the shtarter, and shwore that all I said waz thrue. Bedad, its a foine es. htate I'm in, wid a raw oyshter on wan oye, and a paice of bafe on the other. Me woife’s sisters’ furst cou- sin’s husband, the aldherman, will hey me its proticted by the cair company, but that’s cowld comfort till I foind a suitable opportunity to lay out the dhirty blaggard that furst shtrack me. (Nore. Thodhriver of me air, has just sint me worrud that the loafer that hit me the thug was Jim Spice, the prize-foighte If that’s the case, begorra, I'll have me re- vinge another way, and T'il sue him in the courts, Me damages is heavy, an’ me woife’s cousin, that had the basket, is me witness that anything I say is thrue, An’ wid a jury of me peers, an’ the roight kind of a judge, I'll shtand for me roights and fear no man,) Intercepted Letters. JON BREWSTER, NEW YORK, To MENRY Fro BROWN, LONDON. Dear MHarry.—Yours to hand, as wel- come as ever, You tell me to enjoy myself and not get myself in scrapes. dear fel- low, I’ve never been out of them since I landed here, and the other day [ capped the alimax, and’ am wow thrown completly on my beam ends, in every sense of the word. | Thave had a bullet in my back, and a girl i art, and a fellow’s knuckles in my eye, bat Til begin at the beginning and tell you all. Went one night to a sort of a subscription ball, and there made the acquaintance of a sweet girl, with a wealth of golden hair whose glossy and abundant waves must have cost their owner about &50, at Her fair shoulders rose high above her blue satin waist, her cheeks were as rosy, and her eyes were as bright, a well, she wi daisy, and her little feet, clad in pale blue, danced on a little heel and toe, their har- monious tap, tap, making divinest music on the waxen floor. No common sense, or non- sense there, I can tell you, her heel and toe | formed an’ acute angle. | She told me her | shoes belonged to Louis somebody, felt rather | he explained he was only a King | id had been dead some centuries, though [ never clearly made out how she nabbed his sho Told her, waiting for | lead men’s shoes was a bad business, but she | only laughed, id T was such a droll fel- low, and asked for more champagne. I tell you she did walk into the champagne, but nothing changed her to me. She grew warmer and warmer to me, as the evening wore on, and ere we parted, she drew from my lips the confession of my love, and from my finger my diamond ring, the stones in which, she Temarked, were most perfect matches for the gems which sparkled in her ar sat in an ante room, in a dream of | bliss, but, ! too soon was it—I allude to the dream—rudely interrupted. A stout, burly Irishman strode into the room, ex- claiming, “ Arrah, Biddy, what are you | tols, but I said I could not | must meet that very | eves were utterly | must take place ina dark room, so that we foolin’ about here. Shure, its mesilf is NEALTII REPORT. Invatip— Where do invalids go when the doctors give them up?” Docron—* To the other world, 1 guess.” afther sarchin’ ivery square inch of the place for ye. Come hom My divinity colored with deep mortifica- tion; and replied with her own sweet refined accent, which to me, was one of her greatest charms, «Let me introjuice Mr. O’Shaughnessy— Mr. Brewster. [have been dancing with this gentleman. We were introjuiced quite by chaunce, and he escorted me to the sup- per teeble.”* “Escorted you to the devi old savage.“ Tere’s my hear from me to-morrow he exclaimed, snatching the ring from her finger, and flinging it towards me, ‘You'll | give my girl rings, will you?” And in spite of her cries, he struck me violently in both eyes. T reeled and fell, and when I recov- ered myself, I found I was alone. Tow I got home, I know not. I wakened in the morning with aching head and blackened eyes, and by the first mail received a note, signed Phelim O'Shaughnessy, offering me “satisfaction ” with fists, shillaleghs, pistols or swords, as I thought best. I perceived a once that he was a regular fir that with him my life would never be safe. The days of duelling, however, are gone by and I firmly resolved I would never meet him, but my friend, Dick Dulcimer, came in, and when I told him the circumstances, he so strongly in: d that I could not in honour refuse. So, as a new idea had struck me, I said I would meet him, adding with the courage of a lion, that I preferred pi: defer my just No, not for one honr, that we yv,and, further, as my sightless, the encounter vengeance. might meet on equal terms. After some demur this was agreed to, and I settled my sitting room for the purpose. the chimney was a wide one, and had been lately swept. I fitted a lath with the assis tance of the waiter, which lath formed a tolerably easy seat. ‘I then arranged hea curtains, which produced an Egyptian da ness, and when we were shut up in the room I was aware | I quietly and cautiously ¢ » Where T felt com were both to fire out, which was to be given in five minutes from the time the door was shut. I heard O'Shaughnessy mutter to himself,‘ Poor divil, he’s in‘a blue finish any way, and a miserable little shpalpeen he is; I'd. sooner miss him than hit him, if Peould. 1d: Siddy’s blame as much as his; « fine beltin’, anyhow enough isy awhile. Faith, 1 know what I'll do, and sorra taste of damage I'll poor little crathur.” With that hy grope round and round the room, and, ast he stopped, I couldn't tell where: bj when the signal I down the chimney, and the big sav i 1 blew off his hand, and then ca lath and all down the chimney, Oh! . Oh! Lord, I had the worst of it. I've never left my bed since, and even the soot of the chimney th a ‘i C, I'll add no more to-d: Biddy is going to ma nght-off, and I've had enough of irls, and due j , to do me for the i in, you pt up the chim- y safe. We 1 from with- ke a pie out of the ne F tached friend, JOUN BREWSTER, | Seasonable Stock in Trade of our | umorists. 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