Judge — January 23, 1884 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Urip on the next steamer going out, there- fore should like to have my bill settled before Igo.” ** Very well,’ skin purse. the count z I, taking out my buck- “ Charges are the same all over y E presume. Dr. Jones, of Gob- bletown, charges a dollar a visit, but makes it two dollars less by the dozen; that is, ten dol- lars for twelve visits. I believe you've made thirty-six visits. Here is thirty dollars,” and I handed him the change; but he didn’t pay the slight tention to it. “Madam,” sez he, ‘¢ my charges are 8100 a visit; my bill is $3,600, which you'll oblige me by setiling at your earliest convenience,” and he handed mé a bill printed off in great flaring letter: “My convenience wont be ver paying charges like that,” sez I. “The Elevated have come down very handsom ou, T hear,” sez he, ‘and you owe it tome that you have got anything from them. 83,600 is only a fair share of the profits, and that I must or Vil commence a suit immediately frightened me a little, and sez I, “What do you think you would gain by taking thi ‘ “Td gain my show fraud. I thought of the broken limb business and the discoloration we had played off on the defendants, and I could see no way to avoid paying that bill without disgracing us both, so I handed him over the amount and made him feceipt the bill. Iwas glad enough to see the last of him and so was Sally Mari. But our joy was of short duration. Scarcely had the door closed on him when the y I had employed to work up the case put in an appearance, with a bill five hundred dol- lars in advance of the doctor's. “Goodness gracious me!” sez I, ‘ What on airth do you mean by presenting mea bill like t “T'm contemplating a trip to Urip, and I mean to have it paid before I go,” sez he. “Do you think I'm made of money?” sez I, “Not. exac’ early in it, get my money, uu up to the world as an unimit ez he. ‘ You'd have got $30,000 just as easy as $8,000, if you hadn’t taken the business into your own hands and settled it without _my knowledge.” his riled me, and sez I, ‘¢It wouldn't have made a bit of difference how much the Elevated paid me, you and the doctor would have taken it all, just as you are a trying to ‘do now. I’m glad I didn’t ask for more if it’s all a goin into your pockets. ‘Talk about bulls and bears of Wall street, indeed; don’t think, as far as my experience with them goes, that they can compare with the pigs of doctors and lawyers that I have em- ployed here. Sez he,‘‘ Madam, you will do well to pay my bill first; you can abuse me as much as you like after . “T told him then and there that I had already been swindled by one individual and Ishouldn’t submit to another. “Just as you please,” sez he, and he turned and was a going down stairs when Sally Mari called him back and told me to i the bill, which I did, and then ordered him to leave my presence, which he did with a polite bow that made me madder than ever. I'm disgusted with the whole fraternity of doctors and lawyers. Sally Mari says she wouldn’t send for either if she had the small pox, unless she thought they'd catch it. «Light come, light go,” is an old but true saying. "The lawyer and doctor will go to Uripon —_. ___——- UF YOU SLNOAN TMP OR TANT SESSNGLAD- 1833- * WI. DESPERANDU NA’ , and we shall have te I be no money left to t ng for our parapheralia. go into the ine Art” busi uri If I continue ; subject will be “On Animals; or, The Bulls, Bears and Pigs of the City, as Com Country,” and I’ll send both the doctor and lawyer free tickets to the entertainment. our mone for there’ ‘ay hom: avel with ally ess, The Serenade. Soft nptes ‘rose f His ardent love As—neath the chamber she was in In Morpheus’ arms reposing— He stood and gazed with fond delight, And played in tones most tender— It was just twelve o'clock at ni Where was his dear Lorinda? Then he struck up a livelier tune And sang—althoug! Yet, joining vo Failed to his no sin 1 vio er: He sawed the chords with all his strength, And howled, as tenors can do. This roused her from her dreams, at length, And brought her to the window. Alas, the sight tho Was frightful, n “I shall not sleep a wink, “With all this caterwauling.” This skeleton of what he loved, Without her bangs or bangles; All comeliness of form removed, Her cheek bones at right angles, Ghost-like within the window stood, And “ Scat, you cat!” it shouted; "Till Romeo, in trembling mood, His sanity misdoubted. Soon from the clouds the moon shone out, And then did she discover ‘Twas not the cat she told to “scat,” But her accepted lover. *T thought it was the cat,” said she, In tones apolog He cried, ‘1 find you are for me Too etherially esthetic.” With that he dropped his violin, And threw away his bow; This was the last of love between ‘The “ghost” and Romeo, rauxx wae, 1 with those of the | | An Early Negro Juror. Ilarrison, who was com- fexas regiment during the war,-and known by the boys as the ‘Jim Town Maj was soon after the war 1 judge of one of the districts of | Texas, Shortly after his election he visited one of the counties in his district for the purpose of holding court 1 mm town immed i consisting of ele | negro. : About the first case called was one against a party for murder. After hearing the evi- dence; arguments of counsel and charge of jury started down stairs to | consider their verdict, the colored juror happening to be in the rear. Following them was the attorney for defendant. At the head of the stairs (and in hearing of the colored juror,) the attorney was asked by a friend how he thought the would be Wecided. The reply was, I think the de- fendant will be acquitted and the jury will be hung. The jury went down the ste | the yard, and upon looking aré ored member was missing. Upon investi- gation they saw him making 2:40 time in the direction of the brush. The sheriff was | called, and, after a vigorous pursuit, Mr. | Juror was captured and brought before the court and asked why he had runaway, His reply was: “ He had heard a gentleman say if the man wasn’t cleared the jury would be hung, and as he hadn’t done nothing, he didn’t want to take any chances.”—Galves- ton News. Ges Thom nder of a men and one nd out in d the col- Tuat was a bright state prison chaplain who, when asked by a friend how his pate ishioners were, replied, “All under convies tion."— Waltham Record. Matti Arnoup had but 150 listeners | to his lecture in Baltimore. It is not | strange that Mr. Arnold should say that the ajority is usually in the wrong, when it is the majority that neglects to buy tickets to | his lectures.— Boston Transcript. WHENEVE hear that shott crops, business failures, lock-outs, strikes, high pace, and a hard winter are. certain to force non-paying dividend stocks from 72 | to 100, sit down on a codfish box, and sand- | paper your head until you strike a streak of common sense.— Wall Street News, comicbooks.com