Judge — January 12, 1884 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. NT REASON. Catter—Did you have many calls New Years? CIENT AUNT—Oh I didn't try to count them. —Cor she didn’t have any to count. tom , where we are to remain until the steamer sails. ‘The new tenants wanted possession before , 80 the dinner party was given the nt we were there, All that we were y had been sent off before, so I 1 to do bat put on my own and hleen’s things and depart. The house was awfully mussed up though. ters left wine bottles and everything attered all over, and I told Marie and Patrick to straighten things up after I got out. Heraclitus they didn’t do it, and that i isgrace and a shame to leave a house in the condition that was in, and he didn’t know what the people would think, I told him I didn’t re what they thought. The house was rented to them furnished, and I didn’t sce what difference a few wine bottles, more or less, could make to them. Of course, there were some provisions left over; we couldn't eat everything up cle and Heraclitus said, with his usual grand ave them for the new comers. I[ did nothing of the kind. I ordered everything, down to the last nutmeg, packed up and sent to mothers; and if l’d had my way, Mr., whatever his name is, would have paid for the coal in the cellar, or I’d have had that removed, too. But Mr. Pennyfea: chathing. He is too hi tircly for this sublunary sphere; and the result of this m that he'll get cli out of hisrent. Serve him right if he does. One thing he can understand, and that is, I intend to com- mence shopping just assoon as I get to London. haven't said anything about it, but I've disposed of all the clothes I possibly could, and the second hand woman has again been called into requisition. Some of my dresses I could get scarcely anything for, but what’s the use of taking a lot of half worn things to Europe. Hera- clitus will make an awful fuss, of course, for he always insists upon it that garments mado on this side are just as stylish as those gnificenco will probably be | manufactured on the other, /_ think differently, and as soon as I get to London | T'll order a tailor made suit that wo the eyes of the wife of Mr. P’s law partner jto dilate with envy, How glad I am that | Heraclitus has to go on this European busi- | | ness himself. It would have half killed me | to have had Mr. Hapgood and his wife go in jour places, ‘I know she’s as jealons of meas | | she can be, but she always did have a mean disposition, Marie has finally d Patrick and accompan relief, particularly as little Kathleen is not jat all’well. She has had a bad cough for |some time, and the last time the doctor |came he mildly suggested it might be the whooping congh. I managed to get him out of the house without secing Heraclitus, | and I took good care not to mention the disease in my beautiful husband’s presence. | With his lofty ideas it would be just like him to declare the child should not go at all, on account of exposing other children jthat might be on board. I’ve no patience | with such ridiculouscrotchets. The darling | does catch her breath dreadfully, sometimes when she has a coughing fit, and if Hera. |clitus happens to be around on these oc- \casions, | whisk her off out of sight and | hearing with great dexterity. I have mama to look out for, too. She would probably | consider it scandalous to start with her in | such a state, and if she and Heraclitus once got it into their heads the child was really ill, Ishould come out at the little end o | hom, and get left behind. As | ided us. ‘This is a great have before remarked, I shan’t | | breathe easy till we are off Sandy Hook; | then I'll feel as if T were a freo and inde- pendent woman once more. I’ve made out a list of things to get at | Gorringe’s, and I’m busy taking an inventory | | of what is left of mine and Kathleen's ward- | robe. It will be dreadfully cold crossing at | this time of the year, and I shall be obliged | to indulge in a few extra wraps and rugs be- fore we start. to give up| | Tbegrudge every cent I have to spend on this side, though. Having been in Europe before, I know just how it is, and how it does muke one’s heart uche to pass by and not purchase things that are offered for sale at half what they would cost on this side. Heraclitus, to use a slang expression, is evidently laying low for a chance to indulge in poker during the voyage. Whether to make him keep his money, by not allowing him to play, or to take my chances on his winning, and being able to scoop his pockets afterward, is one question that, along with several others, i ating the mind of The Squizzle Journal. As mite be inferred, we've vacated our boarding place as the unprincipled landlady ri was hurried out on abed. ‘No g for her,” she sez, ‘¢ till that suit for damidges is sett Her perseverance beets every thing but the “ Ele- vated Company ” whom she’s sued, and the “she'll beet them” if he can y articles to the Gobbletown Gazette e attracted considerable attention, par- ly the one that discribed the terrible lent Sally Mari met with in Central Park, and it was copied into some of the city. pay my number was given, some of the mem of the press came to inquire into the a! I set the story off to good advantage, yon may believe, and one of the editors told me he shouldn't mind ing an article of mine occasionally for aper “if I’d try and improve my spell- ing.” “What's the matter with my spelling?” sez I, * I've never had it found fault with before, and I guess the Gobbletown Gazette stands as high us eny of your hyfalutin city pape **Do you know how many ways there are of spelling right?” sez he. No,” I, ‘but I know there are a good many ways of spelling wrong.” Ile laughed, and sed ‘*he didn’t mean eny offence, but he really thought if I'd go to a spelling school it would be a grate advantige to me ina literary point of view. “Tve never had eny trouble in finding a market for my articles,” sez I, ‘ whether the spelling is korrect or not.” «That may be,” sez he, ‘but I for one will pay twice as much for an article spelled , a3 I would for one spelled in pho- “Agreed,” sez I. ‘I'll rite up some- thing for you to-morrow, if you'll give me double the price for it.” “Of kourse, something depends on its merit,” sez he, ‘* but I’ve no doubt you'll get up something spicy and readable.” “What's the name of your paper?” sez I. “The Scandal Monger,” sez he. ‘It has an immense circulation, and is a high- ‘oned and impartial sheet, as its name im- | pet: and is patronized by the best society, th in city and country.” “No doubt of it,” sez I. “I'll get upa paper on ‘city boarding houses. T’ve had some experience, and can produce some in- teresting statements that will be new to the public.” He took his departure, highly pleased with the result of his visit. He had hardly got out of the door before a committee from the “¢ Museum ” called, ing me to come up and inspect their curiosities and antiqui- ties. comicbooks.com