Judge — December 22, 1883 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Lock of Hair. A Lock of hair! a lock of hairt Of lively I stole—I stole from Sylvia's crown T would have rn, very fair, orn it was her own. But oh, my uncle! ob It was a strange transplanted plant That lock of bh wixt my heart and Sylvia's head as T held the curl se wore She screamed aloud, she almost swore AM sty Vi often begged her for that earl Td begged her on my bended knee That sacred lock te And asked her where told me then had been my girl ut for me it really grew what was not true And nos, detiantly shee stands, Holdin ‘That all the hair uj the ringlet in her h "twas tre, the wh her Bar Our Big American Gun; AND INVENTIONS IN GENERAL AND PMETICULATE FROM THE DISCURSIVE HIBERNIAN STANDPOENT Now, by way of inthrodueshun, I mark that it is not_me the time witty and he iMligant and ¢ diserip: wil r, intinshun to take up or its larned and or its vay | with lon “ (which we | ould counthry for hard nethrical problems. and small guns or any other of cannon or difinsive or oifinsive ‘| inshun, whether by axident d all, Mt ant st an’ all consi of me own ¢ which have « since me shoe e¢ yees vashun vd from t rliest furst invinshun tuk in the garden of Ayden, in which th’ ould varmint hims bad Ink to him an’ ali his. se Tan? ginerashuns with their slimy ways and their ud | which th” ould sary fi nid our foe be wid “em—wor ¢ as we're towld in th from that down about ¢ Washing hatehet and th’ cherry three, an’ thin down toour own time and the political invinshuns about Sammy ‘Tilden and Benny Butler an’ sich other ambishus ould s ers in con. neeshun wid the prisidensy of our. grate, lorvus, immortal and free counthry, flow. ywid (skim) milk and honey—the skim milk bein’ fur the poor diludhed people, and the honey for the schaming politicians, An’ faith, whin Pluk back 1 kin see plainly that me opening sintince is ‘most ‘a whole article in itself, an’ riminds me very much of asintince which Judge Dufly pri me at the time of me last spre “tin days or tin dollar Aw’ be | me token T tuk th’ tin days whin I'd vem, but t tin dollar out of Duffy, who knows inough of Ne en the alfair thrieks and kapers ut himself, as 1 sh furst payrients—C inected an’ mixed up, holy Schriptures, an? io invinshun his little in org | th’ whol THE JUDGE. WAL’ Lat publ mn deal w York polities to squeeze his salary out of the poor, ignorant people who ilected him and the loiks of him to their fat office But, laving Duffy an’ th’ ‘om where they are—and divil a good they are anyhow, kit of “em, except th’ same as the ould bey him her imps of perdishun—afore we farther, Lean’t help menshunin invinshuns about than’ th’ whale, Joshay an’ th’ sun nd an Filisteons an? th’ jaw-bone ; Nouh an’ th’ ark; (whieh | invint ws if th’ ould thing itself was not enuff) Dan in th’ line's di a whole lot of other things net wurth min- au ev th sade an Samson un of an . been re or any other way. Well. shure inuff, there has been a grate manny invinshuns and invinthors bad, ‘middling an’ indiffirent, improvements in "mos thing on th’ face of the from # pinny whistle toa spuking thrumpet: or in othe kamebrie. needle apeing wid wl an’ th? ould pe un? gran thers used to darn ours now, bless th’ m an’ innicent he wid th? ould) tim our moth rs rk— un’ from ays (which n impraved since) down along graduashun to ear own ould Trish. pike wid wh used to mallafoosther the Tayshuns, th es in * ninety-ei vl bless whin w yun th’ ould darning ni has ni in reg’h wor it—to th ling rayshio—as harty our schoolmaster mth’ sods of turf in 1 school-house in Ballynasearthy near th Allen—till we raich th” subli of parfecshun in th’ parpaythual line of invintive progresshu for the purpose of kill MT our fellow craythurs and airth of ours will be lost all her childher crooning, croonawnin; and except such pot it, when we th’ ould m » a widdy who has nd spinds her time + save yan’ ith the Tramp ting and dhrink- and other pastimes of th’ jaynus faymal But. going b: an invin invinshun of an’ other thin; left off, not m th’ tirst Is, whare we ‘em all, f mand wid their t from a han’ful of hry a minnit wid th’ hig acently invinted in this i which they say ean sink a ydo, or wipe n wid aw sing] mile ance An’ sure and sartin, to make al short, at this 1 and mee token coun whol yg story goin’, afore you, JUL If are ould min—a E ld enuff te enuif—there’s no inimy ean eum neare} us wid safety—to ourselves—than th’ middle of th’ grate Atl un’, bethune ourselves, long a s it plazes “em, arks an? < an’ other salt-wather shun th? sayes ant, be all accounts, led our furst payrints dhiowd take th’ ould ching un’ sun of ould * porpus not ton ynial discind nin’ thimselves in th’ briny wath Nepthune, whil’ we ourselves watching thin thru. on telescopes and speetach other manes of vishun, from the top « of Liberty down there in Bed- Aw sure it’s thin we can fling koinds of other missiles at wld rumatticky Bismark t of th’ ould counthry over there, who are jellos of our Luk an? wish to s elf an? diffianee a John Bull * invinted gun an’ tom of th’ say or ina osities, including things, at th’ un. Aw faith, “tis I meeself wouldn't thrust nd if she got a chance to walk over id her iron Is, an’ saylors an’ Il th’ rest of “em, to walloping she an’ her ternal comicbooks.com