Judge — October 27, 1883 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Tae inst jjuster as Her clitus calls him, has been here and gone, ner by six hundred dollars than I urse I've already spent most of ‘the This all happer ul after my brilliant husband's exploit of setting fire to the curtains, I have heard that gentlemen in offices down town often buy t and. thin nts just to get rid of being talked todeath, and [ strongly suspect that’ my tongue hi something to do with the amount of money I received from the insurancecompany, Her- aclitus I related my experience to him (he does make such mean speeches lately). I just informed him that it was a good thing he wasn’t left to show up the damages to the agent ; ave been nicely bamboozled, and if the per- 3 creature had offe him three h nd fifty dollars 3 he did me pted it: he replied. hundred and fift pensate for all | j to him that he talked like an inspired idiot and when he went off into a lon; about uprightness manner of patience’ practice what he preached : e ue he used his tong ously as ever I did mine, and Thad quite as good a right to make the adjuster think our damages greater than they and bring in a verdict of not guilty for som rascal that everybody knew deserved hanging re it took more talk to convince him ce man himself, and when I had finally finished he gave a’ pro- longed whistle, and said if that was the way I talked to the agent I'd earned my money, and he didn’t wonder the man was willing to pay six hundred dollars to escape. I suppose he couldn’t think of any thing else ble to ask questions and. w: managed to get full value for a carpet which was very little burned. [informed him that life was too short and time was too precious for me to spend it repeating conversations, and [’d got too much shopping to do (that six hundred dollars was burning in. my ket) to listen to another lecture from him. Ie really didn’t know how badly dam the carpet was, and I wasn’t fool enough to zo and tell him how a few days before the re L had burned a big hole in it myself. It happened in this way. ‘There had heen ever nted to know how I so many moths in my clothes press and | armoire, and mamma told me if I’d burn sulphur in the room it would kill them all; t I was richer, | id there was no doubt about it when | he'd | . so he commenced to | THE JUDGE. so, according to her direction I had the chamberms id bring up a pan of hot coals | which I placed on the f d then hastily throwing on about a pound of sulphur 7 rushed from the room without inhaling the nd lefy the moths to enjoy the odor. hours I sent the remove the pan and open the windows so that Heraclitus wouldn't: swear at the smell when he came hon | when she came down ¢ burned a big hole in the carpet muddle of the room. Sure enough, was, a nice thing for my hi ad te make remarks upon, Why he'd have whole sermon out of that ‘hole if he'd only have known it was the nd how he would have enjoved holdin r my head when Lhim of earcle only way it was by placing a table with spread on’ it over the place, For once fortune favored me, and althoug clitus found something heathenish to about my manner of arra furnitur on it ne never found out why I placed it on that par- | | ticnlar spot. Of cour I took and let ed when the nod ca to the hole insurance man came row up all defects, in with the other places. He remarked, when he at it, that the ewrpet could be fixed | I told him all right ald fix it over if he wanted to after he'd 4 it, whereupon he laughed and said ly he'd have to let me Some how or other Heraclitus has into his head that. the adjuster was | man. ken pains not to disabuse him of thi b nwas not old od-lookin, and becomin te nd very him and bad. money, 1 him into payin! but he was never so much tnistaken in his fi >. TF blush to own, that 1. his wife, Pe Pennoyer that was, Penelope Pennyfea nther, that is, have once in my life, of exercising my bland ments upon an obscure myrmidon of a | Insurance Company. Bui then, to_ got | to first principles, whose fault was it? If a man docsn’t want his wife to get up a flirt tion with a so-called adjuster, let him no been A DOUBTPUL SIIADE CestomEn—If yor plone some of yer fleshenllud h wth, Ud like to"ramine ery. | Clerk is paralyzed.) rl upto | ntid me for | the window curtains on fire. carelessness he bring head, let him suffer the out at list of all t] room that were at all injured, and aflixed thereunto what I considered their fair valua- tion, It reached the sum total of eight hun- dred dollars. When I handed this list, written in my best handwriting on perfamed Brown, or If by his own down trouble on his uences. [made attels in the allow T put ona squeezed uch a sum as t jieved and injur ont a’ few te ars, whieh quickly dried on a lovely little handkerchief, all delicately em- Drordostd Sint heed eit alenetonhes and said, * Oh I don’t know anythi about this bu all. T rely on your | ‘ nse of what is right toallow proper compensation for neof which were de ociations.” [saw nin scanned the old piano s knows Me ten all his promi tome foe the he was moved, | the list, F key had got a scorching when I shall ever seems to have fe | the c | ‘Then Mr. Brown » to sit down | on the a el ° - 1 couldn't necessity for this, | but I politely acqui ind when he fin- ally nd taking my hand said he would a six hundred dollars, I was ished to see how long a time we had d bewildered at the id have to spend. In | my wildest dre ad never anticipated | getting over four hundred, and he kept on holding my hand quite a while before | had presence of mind to withdraw it. ‘Then I him a kindly farewell d when Hera- clitus came he and commenced to tind fault with me for trying to get a good price for the things, I was too provoked to tell him anything about the personal appearance of the man. [even alluded to him as a per- fidious creature, just to throw him off the track, as it were, certainly didn’t tell him, what Mr, Brown said on | Mr. Pennyfeather should a house (Mr. Brown) would be pte too happy to « n adjust matters to Mr Pennyfeather’s entire satisfaction.” No, Mr. Pennyfeather, you'll never know exactly how 1 managed to get that six hun- dred dollars, and I very much doubt if you'll ever find out how I disbursed it. In fact, a good deal of it has already disappeared, and I se y know myself what I’ve done with morrow IT shall select: new curtains The furniture can all be re- glad I waited before purehas- Ing acl anks to the Insurance Com- pany I'll have a nicer one than could have been bonght with the money given me by my liege lord. As I have before remarked, it | that blows nobody good, and when nothing advantageous from it by PENELOPE P| | a ts that ing in breadth. pet to breadth—n w” when he returns from a gagement ” during the weesma’ hours, that tells on his constitution, eof old and while 1 amount of money I an ill wind very ill one, an be extracted NYPEATHER, A SCIENTIST jaw is iner F on’tolh long the Ame Ichabod € indee most ironical of | Inow is decidedly the | metals, for it is 0 often a railing. comicbooks.com