Judge — October 13, 1883 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. Blighted Affections. I want to sue ise,” said a maiden of the vint coming into a lawyer's otlice. “Very well, miss, stute your shall only be too happy to serve you. Y sir, Augustus ‘Tompkins made love to me, and I trusted him with a wo- man’s contidence and love, sir; and et ice cream when he asked me, and he told me I was the angel of his choice, and J called him and he told me four times conseca- tively that he would v me. Four times, and then he married Mary Stevens, and ns was blighted, and I want to got even with the mean thing and show that Stevens girl | won’ stand everything.” Very commendable, indeed, m about how much you think you have sustained? “TL don’t know exactly how much it would be in dollars and cents, but 1 think as he blighted my affections by telling me four times he would marry me, that T ought to have enou it me new clothes and to tak Say, you put it down at four hur “s only a hundred dollars a bl wk that’s little enou: erin’ my exploded hopes. Drat the m ' Suit was brought for blights at €100 a t.— Merchant Traveler. Ir ever sosmall a corner of stamp projects over the ed wrapper the whole pack: dead letter office. Tons of id to have been dispo: this manner. Of course, no notice of this has ever been of- ficially communicated to the public. How much better it is to live in a fre intry than under such a di where every man’s mail matter is considered sacred, no matter how humble a subject he may be.—Milton News, man for breach of prom. | we of 1842, e and 1| | me bl posta: ewspuper at to the A norse balked with the other day, and he nine hours before the was a house painter we would have put in another hour if n —Detroit Free Press. Tue inently successful. ‘Two lad of five have become engaged to their teach- ers, and another is permitting the youn professor to swing on her father Chicago Inter-Ovean, a man in Buffalo. re in his bu pd on s ont of a class gate— “T TELL you,” aid the bad boy, confi- dently, to a group of youthful friends, “my on’t believe she’d , inher stocking feet her slippers is heavy, though, you — Lowell Citizen. —but nine cases out of ten the paper reporter, no matter what part of the country they may be located in, repi sents the ‘progress, intelligence and po erty of the country.—Galveston News, American AN enterprising exchange has the follow- : ‘A dog killed a woman near Scott's hill on Sunday, Further particulars next wees.—Hartford Post.” ALASK, girls have atrick of cutting but- | ton holes in their upper lips. But no Alaska man has yet had the nerve to sew a button on his wife’s lower lip.— Boston Post. ParLapetpnta ladies are learning base- | ball; one of them has caaght her husband | out several times already.—Boston Commer- | cial Bulletin. larvard ‘¢ annex” for women is em- | | by trving to sell. sle | Will you havo one or two strings: Two of a Kind. 1 rook my girl one moonlight night, And walked down to the ferry; Tasked her if I’d get a man ‘To row us ina wherry. “She did not care,” Her wont was mi asked her if shi + She did not ea she sweetly lisped: own pleastire; e some cream— ‘The treasure! Lasked her if she’d ride or walk Do which you think is better _ ants to You bet your boots I let her. So everything that Id suggest She'd do just asx I] wanted: I thought, both of one mind— The thonght my spirit haunted. “What is this silent power,” Which makes us both like minded?” ally cannot tell, my dear The tears my eyes had blinded. quoth she nnot say What power it is Which has your wishes rusted, But for myself, dear Mary dane ‘To tell the truth, I’m busted!” — Yonkers Statesman. Speculating in Futures. “T Wave something here which should be in every Southern home,” he said, edging into the business man’s office, and bowing obsequiously “Seat! you book-agent,” exclaimed the man addressed, and at thesame time reaching for a paper-weight, “Sir!” said the intruder, drawing himself proudly up with an air of offended dignity, * Tam no book-agent.” “Well, map-peddler, then. a map.” “Maps! ha, ha! know a map of North nof a dre: nisly moved up nearer the desk What are you, then? Wh nyway, Sir, Lam distributing that which »proaches and the winter m should be in the home of inthe South. I am. selling sleig *Sleigh-bells! Well I'll be sand-blasted! said the business m “What do you mean ch-bells in this section Don’t you know that it I don’t want That’s ge I don't merica from the de- nd the man eau. ure you sell- ing, as the nths draw of the country? never snows here?” “know that’s the record in the past,” replied the sleigh-bell man gravely, “but is it possible that you have never heard of Wiggins, the weather-prophet.” “Yes, I know all about Wiggins. Has he been prophesying snow for this climate? Why, he'e a fraud of the first water. Every- thing goes contrary to what he says.” | “It does, does it?” inquired the man, | brightening up. | Certainly.” Yes; well that's what I dropped in here | to see youabout. This Wiggins has just is- | | sued his new almanac, and in it he predicts | a winter of unusual severity in the North, | and one of extreme mildness in the South, | torrid, in fact, and knowing his reputation | | for miscalculation, it behooves every South- | ern man to possess himself of at least one string of my elegant nickle-plated sleigh- | bells, that he may hear them jingling on his native heath for once in his life, at least. | | umbrel like smoke, sir, a | band’s re ““N-no,”” I won't take * Only ten dollars a set.” ** No, I don’t believe—” “ Better take them now. It will be your last chauce, because I’m going to start North next week.” WwW “Tam fora la aid the business man, “I guest are you going North fo ing North tocatch the fall trade ¢ shipment of pulm-leaf fans, sun- mid water-coolers. “They will sell I must make hay while n't persnade you to buy Well, good-d the sun shines, ( some #leigh-bells? Texas Siftings. Double Duty for the Baggage Man. ‘Tire othor day a woman shipped her hus- rains and a dog over the Central. Albany she appeared at the door of the ge car to see how they were getting At How does he seem to be doing?” she asked witha sniff. “Who, the * inquired the bag- 0, the dog comfortable,” replied the bag- nswered the baggage es it seem cool enough in here for r who, the corpse?” , the d I think co,” grinned the baggage mas- “Does the jolting appear to affect him Affect who, the dog?” + No, the corps 1 don’t believe it doe “You'll keep un eve on him, won't you?” she asked, wiping a tear “Onwho, th No, the dog And having secur uggage man’s promise, she went back to her coach, ap- parently contented,—Cincinuati Saturday Night. “You're about as near a fool as you can possibly be, Yeast!” exclaimed Crimsonbeak, recoming exeited, while he his neigh: bor were talking polities the other morning. “Yes, Mr. Crimsonbeak, 1 fully realize that Iam altogether too near one to suit me. T guess I will move on. Good morning Yonkers Statesman. “Hump! a self-inade man, is he? re- joined Mrs. Yeast, who had evidently had Some exptrience with the gentleman. in question; ‘well all I've got to is that ho’s a mighty poor workman!”—Youkers States- man, * All things come to him who wait y remarked a tramp who dodged a brickbat and shuffled over a fence just in time to es- | cape the eager jaws of a blear-eyed bull dog. —New York Commercial Advertis Victor Hvao is said to have sleek, soft fingers with small conical tips. Victor may never expect to become a first-class waiter, for we never saw one yet who was satisfied with small ** tips."”— Yonkers Statesman. Wuen Fogg was asked regarding the la- test additions to the English language, he said he would ask his wife. She always has the last word.—Boston Transcript. comicbooks.com