Judge — September 29, 1883 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE, Accounting for Many Things. “Yes, sir,” remarked the tramp, emy lass and looking around with a [have no doubt the President took trout out of a stream and flung them into a | geyser to cook them, It sounds like a big | ory, and the description of the fact might heen written by the poct Rogers of the Iministration, who, [ understand, ac- companies the Presidential party, but Tam remarking, gentlemen, that bigger things in the same line have been done right in that neck 0” the woods. “Under your personal observation ? ng nawered the bald- sply out of the in- “Under the headed man, takin tramp's mouth, ne the same thing my right where he is now, only [ held emost toward a rd to nted the tramp, nent, ** The way ‘em with a bliz- with a smile to do was to s zard as you did, and then hold ‘em between the Indians and us for a moment to let an arrow cut ‘em and clean “em. “A very good idea,” conceded the bald- headed man. * We used to do that with prairie chickens, but we never tried it on fish. Onur way was to turn the fish outside in and boil ‘em in a geyser, and then turn “em back in. It didn’t spoil the outside appt f the fish.” We tried that until we found tha fish was better done inside than out, marked the tramp. “And then we up. Our favorite way was to boil em with. out cleaning and then to let a hailstone run through ‘em. They came out weet as a nut. [ don’t think much of the hailstone et,” observed the bald-headed man with some contempt. “TI tried it once with a hundred pound salmon, and when the stone got through there wasn’t enough salmon left to make a killy fish. “Did you ever try a streak o’ lightning for cleaning fish?” asked the tramp. Only once,” replied the bald-headed un. “And the fish got stale before we could get the clap of thunder out of it. Our e was to hang the fish up on a | and let the road agents go through pretty well.” : continued the sant smile, ‘I started sllowstone Park.” inquired the man in with a. ple vsers in the ‘hem geysers are nothing but holes .in the ice [dug one winter catching eels, [ t over a million cels that season, and I pulled them up so fi that the water fol- and kept running like « syphon ever sinc But how so hot? F “hd pulled. them tion of my line one time | was n Jo you account for the water asked the man in glasses, exclaimed the tramp. “1 up so lively that the fric- t the er on fire, and rly scalded to death with the stream. I ou see that man going out that door?” and he pointed to the de- parting bald-headed man,‘ That man aims | to beak nthe man who is fol- lowing the President around, but he can’t hit, He hasn’t the talent. Look here; 1 going out with the next Presidential party, and if you want my influence to get in withthe gung all you've got to do 1s set ‘em up now While I’m in the humor for | bein | revert to the stock a snifter, or else you will stay at home and | hear that bald-headed spinner get off his | lame lies while Lam coining reputation that may lead me to a cubinet office under the | next administration. You hear me?” | And the man in glasses was not proof against the threat, He has read and heard enough to believe that anything is possible in a Presidential party.—Brooklyn Eagle. Wits a young man becomes impatient, waiting half an hour for his girl, who left the room with the remark that she would “be ready in two minutes,” he should not manifest his uneasiness, but let his mind f pat exhibited by the physician who counted the holes or cells in the human lungs and discovered that the whole number was 174,000,000,—Vor- ristown Herald. Poor's wife remarked to him, as they | started out the other night to take supper | with the Browns, that she expected Mrs. B. would have a stunning coiffure. ‘ Well, I'm sure I hope so,” grumbled Poots, “I haven't had anything good to eat. since the last time we were at mother’s.— Lowell Courier, “Tv got another,” Fales to the sition lik Give it up,” “Because you ¢ his Royal Highness, “+ Let's have something,” remarked Lorne. And they had something.—Oil City Der- BILLY Jones, of Thompson’s corps, Entered through the barroom dorps, Drank till he could drink no morps, Fell down on the barroom florps, Fell and made his head quite sorps, Fell till he could fall no lorps, Says he will do so no morps, But will join the temperance corps. —Oil City Derrick. A YOUNG miss of sixteen asks what is the proper thing for her to do when she is. ser naded by a party of gentlemen at a late hour. We are glad to’ be this ques: | tion, Steal softly down stairs and untie the | dog.—Rochester Post-Express, He slipped quietly in at the door, but catehing sight Avan inquiring face over the r-rail, said: **Sorry’ so late, my dear, couldn’t get r before. So the cars were full, toc id the 1ady; and further remarks were unnecessary.—Grorgia Major. You will notice that almost every board- ing house is broken all over with mottoes worked in perforated paper. The one most appre by the luckless wight doomed to live in this way, however, is that which de- clares, “There is no place like home. Lowell Citi of a aid the Prin > it,” replied n. “How shall we stop the great evil of lying?” asks a religious weekly. Don't Know, give it up. It’s ahabit you ought never to have fallen into.—Cincinnati Sat- urday Night. A cask ison record where a barber and his victim were both happy. ‘The barber talked on without interruption, and the lat- ter was deaf.— Toledo American. ‘Te Fenian’s motto — “ Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do it with dynamite.”—Bur- lingto Hawkeye. | Watts have ears, Of course they have. You remember how quickly the wall: ico tumbled to the racket.—Boston Trans. A Bit Flustrated. AN Arkansaw editor, upon retiring from the control of an influential journal, said * We do not e this community with any regret. We are glad to go. received due patronage from this town, con- uently we are glad to throw up the jour nalistic sponge. It is the custom for editors ay that they part with their contempo aries with regret. Wedo not. We aredev- iish glad to quit. We have been branded as a thief, and it has been proved that we are a thief, consequently we have no regrets at parting. Those who owe us are expected to settle at the liest ¢ whom we owe must wait. ‘raveler, A LONG sketch in an exchange 1s entitled “Betrayed by a Hair.” This frequently happens. Unless the hair of the girl he had out buggy riding 1s the same hue as that worn by his wife he should carefully examine his coat before returning home.—.Vorristown Herald. Wuew the widow buries her first husb she becomes pensive, butafter she gets the s ond she is usua sive.— Vonkers Gaz, nd to Health and Beauly to the CUTICURA REMEDIES.” Die tale i the Cunctna Rexebres. ‘Skin aud Scalp. bea Cloers an --Cuticura, 9) centa Seap, Bcents Torren Dace B Kesolvent, SHERMAN, NOBLE & CO., IMPORTERS AND RETAIL DEALERS I BLACK GOODS OF ALL KINDS. Black Silks at the very Lowest Prices. Sherman, Noble & Co., No, 38 W. 23d St. Take Notice. FOP 2 amon 20 Riese serap Petar Address, NTHER, Contectiones 78 Madison mt. 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