Judge — September 8, 1883 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

{Ih STRIKE The muscle man must s must be ‘k-and-tan— fortune, bantam rooster climbs to the extreme point of his bump of self-esteem and crows, that fifteen-pound Brahma hen will ruffle her voi uminous feath and eluck out, ** That's m bantam, that is!) How does that cock-a-doo: dle-do strike you, sisters? most wonderful crow that ever was crowed ? And that ordinary midget will rule the roost, and you may be sure that he w the dainties at the table; and t who would think aothing of interruptin old mamma, in whatever task engaged some childish ree , the moment th the creak of the Lilipa i be on their best behav fol’owing the example of st down their little necks for to plant his hoof on. And so it was with big, burly Bill, and , little Red Poll his wife. Hers the mind that formed the bullets—his the hand that fired them. All of Bill’s most brilliant achieve- ments in the burglary line were due to his | devoted wife's inventive genius, clever gener- alship and untiring zeal. I have known that wonderful little woman to plan a raid upon | a rich man’s dwelling, and then, by ways and means that a Pinkerton detective would be proud to own, discover everything pertain. | ing to the dwellers, — By skillful questioning of the servants employed there, sometimes disguised as a charwoman, sometimes as a jdler of la rtune-teller or Italian or- n-grinder, she would find out the number of the residents, their habits, their comings and their goings, the number of rooms in the | mansion, their locality and use; and then she would sit down and draft out a map of the entire premises, locate the gold. and silver ware, madame’s jewel casket and monsieur’s gold watch, diamond studs and loose cash; ! Master Dude’s silver-h ane, and Miss Dude's jewel-« and when all, was fixed she would de 1 the fore ing to her husband and say, * Bill, go it! And Bill and his pal, Hoodlum Jack, would , break into the doomed mansion in. the most pproved modern. burglarious style, and, , nks to Red Poll, generally suceced in their mission without any resort fo gags or snap- pers (pistols), the use of wh all well-bred and thoroughly ed burglars condemn, except when self-preservation calls for thei Whenever Bill made a failure of a job, it was when he took matters into his own hands and ignored the counsels of the best wife a cracksman was ever blessed with, It was rarcly he did so, for the life the partner of his , THE JUDGE. OF THE Thigh time Cur managers m We'll hire a hall wis s¢ at (to use his own words), “AN man » better off with stretches (five years in s prison) than have Red Poll sleaging him month.” He made tl ke of doing his own engineering one often, as the occurrence Fam about to re- la © will prove—an occurrence which releg ed Bill toa permanent abode under the dai- | sies, and completely changed my own course of life One memorable evening— get it—Bill eed me to him and sai on, Jack (Hood! to whom [alluded in a former chapter) ana wie’s got a good job on to-night, and if vou'll lend a hand vou shall have a share of the sy Heavens! crable little gutter-snipe, admitted into part- ership with Bill, the erecksman, and Hood- lum Jack, the two great shining lights of the burgling profession! It was an honor that long and patient years of toil, and hard, hon- cst endeavor, and persistent application might bestow upon me; but to be hue sins gled out, on the very threshold of my career thieving, for preferment—it was too much for my weak nerves. I merely looked at him yen-mouthed, and gasped!” Gasped with wonder. Bill did not condescend to enter ir o details; but directing me to meet him at tain spot at one o'clock the following morning, left me to make some I, at this time, slept in —my father being detaine’. on nes, on the Island mother ii the hospi- al Vith a broken collar-bone (the effect T shall never for- | correction bestowed upon her by her husband on account of her sitting up’ for him one night when political business kept him his club), anda fractured skull—the effect other correction bestowed upon her by the partner of her joys on account of her wef sitting up for him when the debating society monopolized his services until four o'clock in the morning; and my sweet sister Sally and little brother Tommy in the Refuge. “From the time Bill told me of my proposed eleva- tio until the hour appointed for meeting, I was in such « fever of amazement, delight and partial ineredulity that 1 had thoughts hing but the coming great event of my life: and, consequently, many a decent linen and gorgeous silk handkerchief, that, had [ been in my norn ate of watchful earnestness, would have next day «welled the stock in Red Poll’s bureau drawer, for a lite tle while longer reposed in their lawful own- ers’ pockets. I neglected to shy rocks at the little crippled Jew boy who supported him- FREAKS. ture's wildest freaks, Nature's cauldron’s leaks, we've worked for weeks and week: yr Harest pittance. ks, we should rebel; go to, well, nd ring a bell, And charge admittance, wood fr self and blind old mother by hawking cheap jewelry through the streets; T passed by a femalé Italian rag-picker who over an ash-burrel, and failed to dump her head into its miscellaneous contents—a fi: vorite pastime of mine when in my usual condition of mind and body; I beheld a dead rat in the gutter, and was so engrossed in my thoughts that I actually did not throw it on the clean linen which almond-eyed Wah- Sing was industriously ironing — an act which, under ordinary’ circumstances, my impulsive, straight-forward nature would have impelled me to perform; and, altogether, I was as unlike my usual self as it was possible tobe. The hour, big with fate, at length drew near, and I started to keep the appoint- ment made by Bill. [To be continued in our next—unless, in the meantime, an outraged public demand the author's disembowelment.]—Eb. “Twas winding up into Cooper Institute the other day, thinking how strange it was that Peter should have lived so long in Ni York and yet kept honest, when suddenly I rame upon a large, benevolent-looking man cursorily running his eye over the directory. Just as T came opposite to him he started back, evidently in great excitement, and pointing to a conspicuous sign on the board, ne read ina loud, wild, rapid tone, ‘ Free School of Art 1 Design for Women.” “Gg Heavens!” he exclaimed, his voice choking with emotion, ‘This ought to be stopped. Our women are a thousand times too artful and designing, a'ready. ‘This must be stopped:” and inquiring of me where the nearest police-station was, he sprang through the window and was gone. is said to be the universal law— ) and paradoxieal as it may seem, the law of change itself is unchangeable. We challenge Spencer, Tyndal, Huxley, Darwin, George Francis Train and the rest of them to out-paradox this, CHILDREN are so homel, that arch old bachelor, to me, in contidence, the other day; ‘So many of them do look so horribly like their mothers! * said Dobbs, Ir is pretty well authenticated that Noah’s flood took place in the Mississippi. valley, because itis recorded that when the dove brought the leaf back, Noah sailed on the Arkansaw, ig comicbooks.com