Judge — August 25, 1883 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Bur we, The fe collar c insiders, the tly chaps, ve heen in the ring and, oh my t boxi wes wh swag chaps! You'd wonder w No outlay Some can bring. two pair of gloves padded, “iwdust, then hire a hall, And set two good pugilists at it, Ts the easiest living at all Alonzo Busbee: His Life and pressions. Im- ny WELLES The story of my life frome year te year Tran them o'er, even boyish days —Shakeneure My name is Busber—Al The dignity | fail to eateh Buster, L And thas the wind i yz Pusher oop in with Mons mpered to the shorn favs Not that alorn sham--I should say a lamb—has anything todo with my h but Ethink that an apparently Biblical quo- tution dropped in looks well; well, it looks if a fellow read something besides the Police Gazette, That's what T mean. Sometimes [vary the dull uniformity of the proceedi French tion at my t T know | don’t a and Freneh! But there are a lot of « Hows who do understand French. and one of them has been kind enough to make outa list of apt remarks in that language trans- lated into United States. and place it in the hinder-end of my dictionary: so all [have to do, when [ think it’s about time to paralyze my readers with a revelation of my lingui: ilities, is to select the most w-breaking in the list and—there you are! I tell little bit of plagiarism of that kind a long way with the average reader. Nothing like understanding the public. Latin, the same w When I desire to be particularly impressive, [ drop in a little ulin in parca.” or “a posteriori,” or something equally touching, and T have the public solid. ‘The student looks my “posteriori,” and he is satisfied that he ling the work of an erudite man. tting away from my auto- nea is [was born—perhaps it is scarcely nece sary to mention chat fact. Every fellow h: 11 born at some period or another; that every follow Lever n There may be fel- lows who never were, but to such T have 1 introduce nly, [ have wished had never be the same thing, is it? I was born some time during the present century—that is quite near enough for all practical pury Besides, I don’t believe in parading one’s natal year, trotting it out, like Maud S, for inspection, as much as to met fellows that I have n born, but that’s not THE JUDGE. BOXIANA. say: “Here, you fellows, here’s my year— here's of twelve ay Hirst ap- which TP made “Ve 7 was “a al hind mths dur rinees le Hy father most ad vane my given name, my mother and. t me Alonzo. Sex Oh. can when Tam to it. My father was not yy nother w but a clever wom: ‘ter their mothers Hy if it hay pens to be jam or cake ners have put Into the eupboard, then the boys their mothers have left it, not the door—the jam pe rs joker of the owed upon ir before [was bort slone—so he ealled he tise were Say seat : wht sinurt things putin it Tam not often put y clever rot clever man, but mum, of course Boys invariably 1 know he ve frequently heard him tell and he wouldn't lie There wasone ut Lean justice ta little thi ood point about Bushee never sufliciently the provocation im senior, t dmire—no mi t be, he never beat my mother 1yt TF don’t know whether he was led to adept tha > by a true sense of religion or a f ald ought to be left off ove day out of the seven, but the generous fact remitins the same, No, he always administered a stout thrashing to her on the Saturday night, and that made her feel good, and kept her warm on the Sabbath. Twas remeni no awful smart child! er some of the funny thing do and Hi them, [would b allu Bat Tean’t: and 1 T never saw anyone broke pines in secret to behold the tomical smash. he thing I remember distinctly doing, was tr x tothe corn nd back with a be Can empty going to the saloon, two-thirds full coming from the saloon! The next thing I distinctly remem- her drink the be ; enjoyed it too thoroughly to offer any of it to my mother, impressed itself upon me, But that is neither he there, the beer was—it was always. th never her When I was old was sent—into the newspapers penny on the sid If I could 1 used to sk you m sorry, be I imy soul foresaid anit- ter what | We take little interest in Save such as obtains i Vintle relia iso Deautiful thi nis aun exception + rules understand: » for week without dinner To see two men put up their hands nly art f wh And wed ng from the sutte tight with, the little It surely and rapidly usurping the places of the native-born juveniles, and adding the black- ing and periodical interests to the pea-nut monopoly already enjoyed by the elders of their race, And thus T prepared myself to ble and hoi member of s0- and swear at, and n boys who were ciety. Bur | uray 4 cent—when Tcould nickel! Tdon’t know, Tam su ept_me so pure and honest in the of my eriminal surroundings, like the the cockroach’s forehead—no, tead, wasn't it?—or the one solitary | he hoarding-house souy or maybe Gi my mind, ¢ ib] never stole r with the thoughts of a Presidency, or the Chairmanship of a Republican State Committee, the chances f ring whieh would be seriously im- 1 y the charge of dishonesty. which after years could throw in the face of my youth, . Anyone who would meanly steal a quarter, when, by waiting for the golden opportunity, h with a five-dollar bill, is untitted for any position ef honor and trust in the gift of this great and glorious Re- public, T may be wrong, but that is how I feel at it. (To be continued in our next.) (Unless some one kills th Ep.) wuthor in the inferim.- Progress informs American girls that Henry Irving is accustomed to receiving sts- Jers from his lady admirers. If Progress wale truthfully that American courts were in the habit of” suspending receivers what a much more satisfactory banking sys- | tem we should have. : “ \ Sewsvaren prints ** how contortionists le with their toes.” Tt may be a very desi accomplishment to acquire, and yet it is barely possible that young ladies will not tachle kindly to. it—especially when out in company. It stands to reason. article explaining rn to tickle their e: ble Tue seaside mosquito rivals all other col- lectors. He never presents his bill without a successful collection. Goop housewives will soon commence the can-cun. comicbooks.com