Judge — June 30, 1883 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GETTING Lama ER AS 2s 0 AEA! TE pr ee Soo a ee > “THY sk, the sea, the open sea, The blu It We The first your t If from rheumatics acbath is an cestacy ue, the fresh, U ever fre your lim aintily 1 then your knee— mu are free, Just in from th towld clo of the ¢' cleanest. SOAP. BY AN MtsIE DRUM May be you on by reason of the soa me, but its y wid all of them Can't TL sel “T don't’ want’ any. ances be maybe he | Laugh or m vay », for y ny as th every one kn godline sip a one 1 ni wan tim, few that else. was on te I've d used to spit like any in my me best trip ever | tuk— 0,000 worth, travel in to nd you'd) be astonish soap thes, uve in Ameri 2 the fact hard to be the 1 in. soup. would not think it to look at thrue all the sau g Il you some sox you,” Tl hs and’ maybe he ge sure its all the wan to me; see eis slippery, troul baby even, Diligant taste fireworks if I th whin me mother was Soon T go. “Here T come ¢ apostle of eleanlir ows that cleanliness is next to I was coming down ite Missis- 5 smashed and scalc ea every drowned, but sure I had some samples of soap in my pocket and T was washed Ever: man that ne’ without. it. papers to the state of cleanline doesn’t use it himself, sure its a ¢ and cuffs to him, an ould shirt. and rats ‘Il eat i trade is good and went in for « at a lick, ting an’ sell any one wh of the territories I 8 1 appetizin ashon ne must have it—children —when it gets into their ey all the time. Ah, its a grand article. wer uses the He'd be you see Thelittle cake of soap is his naturalization vif he ne collar the devil wid the An’ then, if the article’s nice | . like what I sell, sure the 1’ that_ keeps up the demand; was always in soap, as I tell you. Beforo I traveled for the big maufacturers use nsing the whole census ed to do a sort of district visi- ke retail out of a basket to 'd buy it. Well, it was in one ck a man who'd never seen soap, never heard tell of it, didn’t know what it was. before, but hi over two hundred pounds weight of it stand- ing up forninst me and talking to me. Not] talking very I had heard of ignorance ere it was—six foot odd of it; much, of course, for T always! THE JUDGE. READY AND G make it a point todo most of the talking myself when. I’m in business: it prevents re marks on the quality the goods and chokes off impertinent. questions. — But when he asked me ‘what was zis soap?” he fairly took my breath away and slipped in a word edgeways before I could prevent it But I soon recovered. [ wanted to know where that man had been raised. I felt: the grand old) missionary spirit) bubbling up f me when I thought of a whol community innocent of soap, and me with stock to sell them, An? mn f tho for at th ments of life, is rapid, when I th may be they'd been in their soaph ndition ince the flood, and reflected much soap it would require to fetch them up level with the time, an’ give the fair start with the others that had themselves regular, maybe once a week, I tell you felt pretty much like Christopher Colum- bus or Captain Cook when they had corner on Bibles and whiskey ‘an’ any amount of natives to civili It wasadhrame, my friend. He was a Frinchman an’ knew no better than to call soap savon, as if he was the wrapper ona cake of imported, an’ that’s how the mistake arose. But if soap has its duties it has its pleas- ures, There may not be much romance in the article, an’ I've hunted Shakespeare throngh in’ vain to find a good line on soap, to head an advertisement. Maybe Shakespeare was like my Frenchman, and didn’t know what soap was. I found four lines that suit pretty well in an ould book, and [scattered them round on dodgers in cities I was coming to, this way: ight that “The river I is well known. Doth wash the ci ene: But tell me, Shall hen W at power divine e river Rhine? pap.” ‘To be sure, every city is not Cologne; and who but an ijit would ever think of washing a river, but beggars can’t. be choc pocts is adirty set anyhow and know n about whisk nd water than water any day. But certainly there's not too much romance abou! T've had me share of luck with the ladies, but I think that’s more by reason of my being a drun- mer an’ an Trishman than owing to the goods I travel in. ‘To be sure, a nice box of pretty present for any only be sensible and not go to LETTING WET. “OTH sha, the sea, the open se Feels cold if timore + you be; ‘Tis salt in ta 1, decidedly — Ir plugs your cars most wondrously; And if your figu UP, “Tis adead “giv thinking you T met an’ T nev ne anything she called hie found ont a trary. Oh, she was a eh on to three hundred, and” had a hand on her like the hand of Providence. 1 was attracted to her first by her hand, for sez I to mesclf, if she'll travel ‘round wid me and kape them hanils of hers clean all the time, what bette ment could Lax for. courted he good old-fashioned way hung on the gate in’ th ught her fi last T spo! I thought meant—let tumbled dir vily, for sh yh” she me for my sh caramels every might. At I put it curtly but very plain: nyone could und rstand what I | » girl, she say was inclined to be you indeed w this was w nted; if Teould get her hand it Was what I needed for my advertisement, an’ it didn't take an ould traveler like me long to figure up how much I'd save ina year by leaving three hundred pounds hind me. So L answered super-scented, emuleent darlint; that's what T want * that right,” d her her eveni n that girl cost m mels no one will ever believe. It would have kept a small family clean for iver. But in I of amels it was a cake took out, not be poor girl, had her teeth sunk she found out it wasn’t sc ndy. She was lightning on the though, and before she had a quarter pound of it in her mouth, she mistrusted that something was wrong, and opened out on me. May T never wash myself again if I ever saw such a sight in my life. I'd heard of th tragedy actresses chewing soap at the theatres—an’ I always thought it was a good idea, an’ one to be the sake of trade; eve ne new kina of taste but no T saw made the suds fly as she did then. An’ such language as she used. You'd have thought with all that soap in her mouth she'd have expressed herself in a cleanly manner anyhow; well, she did not. She just poured outa torrent of abuse and soap- suds that washed me clean away, and there I was, a cake of Sullivan an’ I'm afraid to say how many boxes of caramels out, an 1 never won that girl’s hand after all. comicbooks.com