Judge — May 26, 1883 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GIVING THEM FITS, TH w Yi en Railr rk and eves uniforms for its employ lection economy in their sequence is apply ex clusively to ready-made and second-hand clothing stores—all'the big men get the littl and all the little men the big suits. Thus The result is not becoming, but it is one of th ~ where there is no redress, INTERCEPTED LETTERS. PROM CLARENCE PIT: D.D'A DE, Fag, TOME n s Dear OLp Ciarrie— Miss you awfully, you know. Cawn’t really imagine how I get on without you, and as for Sylphide, the premiere of the ‘Terpsichore, she is absolute- ly inconsolable. Don't know, thou pu are well out of it all. We are straits he These beastly cigarette-makers have struck, and we ea t along at all. Poor old de Slimshin has. positively been compelled to eat, and really [was So run down yesterday that [was obliged to lemonade with a stick—or was it a straw?— in it. [don't know what will happen, and a meeting has been called of all the promi- nent dudes in this community to discuss the situation, I’m afraid, when the situation has been discussed, it will be found more di yusting than ever; but what is to he done? Ye Slimshin has great hopes of somethir turning up when the united wisdom of the dudes has been brought to bear upon th uation; but then the united wisdom of the dudes is so very little, you know, ral of the old chappies have gone in extensively for athletics this season, and young Tyte actual- ly carried his cane from the Fifth Ave Hotel to the top of Madison Square without changing hands once. This feat is more wonderful when you remember that it was his heavy winter cane, for the weather has been so beastly uncertain that none of us have ventured to wear our spring canes ye So much pneumonia and horrid’ vulgar d eases about, you know. Poor Bertie is very low. You see, it is next door to impossible to keep count of the beastly months, and he inadvertently ate an oyster the other day b fore he realized that April passed and that there is no rin M fainted im- mediately, and has not been able to be out the pury THE JUDGE. since. Indeed the doctor seems to. think very badly of his ease; he is puzzled at present, and says there is hardly ¥ not develop inte He kindly says he tieagainst any this be a warning to you every care of “you f to draughts, and, 3 cat oysters, ‘The at this time of ye I must also cant ease it ver. y ensure sin trouble what you » to dudes | re i} 1 avery dan- us obtained circul: dl very fs i nds gerous counterfeit that | tion he . Itisa new looking cane. It prof asilver knob, but in r and several prominent dudes wh worn one have been taken ill with of lead-poisoning. — Indee ¢ how any of us can e imposed upon in this way, as it is necessary to suck the knobs of our canes so much, It ems hand, too: since poor McFlimsy’s death | we have given up gold-headed canes, since it seems that so mt but we really did imagine that silver could not be counter. feited. “While you are abroad you might | make inquiries and ascertain if there is not | some metal that cannot be imitated, suitable | for cane-heads. You know the requisites for | as well as Ido. It must be light, nourishing and highly ornamental, and ¢ pensive enough to keep onr would-be imita- tors from adopting it. Is there not some metal the old gods used to use, called nectar, or something of the sort? If there is, you t to be able to find out about it in ality the knob have lately Dass I-bve, Now dear old chappie, L must say g ; for Lam really exhausted with dictating this long letter, My secretary seems to stand the labor of writing it wonderfully well, but I suppose that kind of fellows have no nerves. I will spend the afternoon in a bath of co- nd tepid rose nd T may feel to the theatre by evening. If T only Send ‘me one in your next let- rold chappic, and believe me to be, ar affectionate fellow-dude, CLARENCE PAGET FITZDUDY P.S.—I know you will forgive me, old chappie, if this leticr fatigues you, — Judg- ing from the offort its composit 3 me, I fear it will be a severe tax on you. I should recommend you not toattempt to read more than half a dozen lines a day, and if 1 for a doctor at once. you feel the strain, +« MR. O’GRADY'’S REMARKS TO THE CONVENTION OF TIE SONS OF TOI Phat L wants av yee all is atin An’ whin [address the ev Kape silence, begor, an’ lots For L spake in the intrest av fr ry wv the poor an’ the nady, ‘The rights av the paple that made ‘em Asseamiace Its ht ye are, Dinnis O'Grady D. O'G.—V'm hearin’ « singular shtory About the Brids av thim runnin’ it, Celebratin’ the birth of Viefory Re jabers, don't see much fan in it Af will purtest at the loike trick has 1s ry thrue patheriot ne that; look dark a stroikes MMLAGE AIS roight ye are, Dinnis O'Grady D. 0 now, since tht isthe» thine a stall if they don’t alther the d 0) M1 Bridge nit how they fe ter look wid dynamite Th mies of the ould b Or we'll git so hot we ASSEMBLAGE —It's roight ye are, Dinnis O'Grady D. OG, —And thin it is said that wurrukin min Can't march on the Bridge wid the ‘ristocrat; And ain't they uckin sniverdo wurruck? Will yez whist it helon; The Bi to the paple Mae tie ay it | at paid for aieh y dray, but thin there war a pi built aich trustle paid by the day for it aman wurrucks wid his muscle, ) h the pay for it? So the pay ye sew Av coon But whi By mef And where'd they Tt come from the bloated arist They had to come down with the taxes Dye moi Aman An’ Th yer Lemp ght av it | man as ha should enjoy it } rich should be sk: For we built the brid Wurrukinman who “Why is a monkey looking out of the window like the moon,” asked a young lady? After some cogitation the young inan allowed he didn’t know, |‘ Beeatise it looks roun¢ said she triumphantly. ** Well, but,” ob- jected he, ‘the monkey doesn’t alwa round r does the moon,” retorted she. HI Lover it for a few moments and finally said he supposed that was so, and the caramels were on him. a young statesman who took it of & book— Tins: wa Tlis speeches clear When the papers for Phat h bout chap was speedily shook ry Evening, over a ad baby, conjectures that it is ** perhaps a of infanticide.” The evide tainly | points in that direction rather than towards parricide. Tue Wilmington Tue richest strike T ever made,” said an old **was when I punched the bugle ! of achap who had $10,000 in his y Asse ML.ve ye nee, Dinnis O'Grady! MAKIY 4. SHELLS THe Rochester Post ushs: Are city jurors corrupt?” Well, it depends very much on the kind of case they are tryi Nothing here that sew comicbooks.com