Judge — May 19, 1883 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLIG GRIEVANGES. wy ke N i the policeman, is all roses, That is the public i anyhow. All that [have to do, to the average man’s supposition, around with a bran-new uniform, the pretty nurse girls, awe small once ina while arrest som sumptive, and att elf while drag them to the stati sarule Lai ways considered to ha hotel with the green light by the hair—by clubbing the life out of them. + That is folk’s idea. That is where folks get left. You can bet your sweet life that if Teould get any other sort of a job, L would | leave off being ‘one of the finest? right n’t it, to be out inall kinds of and shaking in the mi of a snow storm, or getting sopped thro under shower. No wonder | sometimes take refuge in a hall door or the grocer’s awnt Nice, isn’t it, to have to patrol post as Battle Row in Shantytown: ing localities, whe every man, womat is to kill. you? along havin chimn ** Nic or six rufl in the pap capture all of them? hav a sugared existence. «Then we get it for saloons on Sunday, | tried Pulled in the proprietor of a beat. He was selling whisky ever was sold. What happened ? Me swore that he was giving away cough medicine to a customer for the customer's sick child. He was honorably disc ad. Come to find | out, his brother Ww Was a cousin to the | 's wife. The day after, the “1 me into his private office mated that I had been too fresh in making the arrest, and if | was not care- ful I might be fired up amongst the goats. PEN RYEK “my path pre wceording is to walk flirt with ! boys. ion, ich a charm- the sole ambition of | dl child upon your beat ; Splendid sensation to walk with the momentary expectation of a bullet put through your back or a dropped in sections on your head. in’t it, to haye to battle with five ns all your size, and then get fits rs next day because you did not Oh, yes, us coppers ot closing up the that once. v mill on my arg as whisky Ile get such brilliant pay, too. times I think after a couple of years I will leave the force altogeth Sure in my own yacht t hundred dollars is a princely income. [had to pay a party one hundred and fifty to get appointe nd my uniform wasn’t a gift. ‘Then I've got to see the roundsman a fiver about once a month or he'll have me up before the commi » or anothe ed a couple of weeks’ pay. juess that [ have about left to support my family kids and my sister’s four girls; she pled. They can live off of that like derbilts. venth floor of a ten house has to do them. “Then there's the ticket ery benefit that is got up we have to sell tickets. No matter whether they are for the annual failure of the Hamfatter’s Sanger- bund or the monthly performance for the it of the Bartholomew Statue, we are expected to peddle them around. — Suppos en—that is the usual number, and s the usual price. We are i the tickets, If we don’t sell ve to buy them ourselves, Some- five hundred the wife cling nuisance, | in her 1: | ing to the inner lining of the THE JUDGE. papers say different, but t given to the reporters. Reporters will swal- low anything that comes from the desk. ‘They have to. If they didn’t, the sergeants would never let them see the blotter. “re generally accused of blick mailing ns on oF post. — Well, sometimes uently, But if any one thinks that us patrolmen capture the boodle they goes to the ward detectives, anil y give it to—well, never mind. — It’s nic t is the taffy Hello, there goes a horse down ! I've got to go and help him up. with my new summer gloves on, too, found the luck ! get on the forc Me So long; try your best to if you want a soft thing.” Mrs. Vereker has been much annoyed by the constant breakage of se’ eggs in each order sent to her house by the grocer. She determined to see if it couldn’t be reme- died, self, and, after blowing up the zrc oughly, announced her intention of bringing home the eggs herself. She did so, in a pa per bag, and took a we to reach home. While en route, a sudden jolt of that most exasperating vehicle landed a dude squarely p, with nothing t of the concussion but the bag of eggs. Mrs. Vereker was mad, and the dude consid- erably embarrassed, but the grocer is to be allowed to send home the eggs in future. Tue drop of comfort was very low in the decanter which Mrs. Purfleet presented to Tue Jupce when he called upon her the other evening, and he helped himself spar- | ingly in consequence. Kind Mrs. Purfleet noticed this and hastened to sure him Don’t be afraid; take all you want. There’ a whole demigod full in the next room. We have to be very careful with our scis- sors these times. Ninety per cent, of the funniest items in our exchanges wind up with more or less outspoken reference to St. cob’s Oil, N. B.—This is notan “ad;” but even if it were we would print it right here | for it differs from the majority of “ads” in that it is true. “Raw silks in novel tints will be worn this Spring,” says a fashion note. If we have any more su Spring weather as the snow storm which April got ready to say good-bye to us in, we should say that any- thing raw would be highly appr eto the weather—the rawer the better. A CURRENT item says: ‘About 450 miles thread are made each day in America mills, It was all imported thirty years ago. Now, the question 1s, how could it be made | here every day if it was imported so many | ears back ? Four pounds of gold, worth about $1,000, were recently collected from the soot adher- himney of the royal mint in Berlin. That's the kind « smut to soot us. Ay Illinois court has decided that a wi man’s lie about her age will invalidate an insurance policy, and now no woman who has any respect for herself will take out a policy of insurance in that State. A New wind-up for an obituary notic ‘The | ‘* What is our loss is the undertaker’s gain. Con- | nd so went to the grocery store her- | thor- | break the force | The much-looked for Return of Susan B. RHYMELETS. J A cras swimmer double, ik with lea bubl While the water is chilly hil illy He has gone where cold water won't trouble, A lady of Ninth Avenue Invested mn for a The juice of the sf Made her teeth loose, But the dentist will ft er out new, A clerk in Has di Th What pilferer plun The daily receipts from the drawer grocery store nond rings half a score proprietor wonders Material supplied for a wake | ‘The fire in th would not take; With kerosene’s aid The fire it was made And Bridget wax burned at the steak A young dude on Mo Saw the me on Square plucid and fair the ele * How the doose did they get it up there?” Tue fresh and buddiug humorist evident- | ly labors under the erroneous belief that, in | order to succeed and become cond Arte- mus Ward, it is nece: use the profane combination ‘dam fine” several times ina half-column article. Ife should be kindly informed that such is not the case—that itis | even p ble to become a humorist: without | the words once in a lifetime. CAN a man eat more than One thing at at Isa question which I'll not refuse you To answer becat He always e: Jovrert says ‘Gravity is the wisdom;” but this is not always so. quently occurs that there is wi | peal of laughter. rind of It fre- m in the Bios pre says she likes cool, breezy weath- er, it brings the chaps to her lips. comicbooks.com