Judge — March 31, 1883 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. SEE THE CONQUERING HERO COMES. ‘Tue Lily of Jersey sho Camo over the sea, Tho bright, blue sea, ‘Thinking Americans would adore her, As they had done with Surah before her. Sho was right, For the swells called her bright, And #0 sweet, And neat, ‘That they all fell down at hor feet, Which are not very small, And soclety all, Went wild o'er tho Jersey Lily, Which was silly, Dear little Froddie, he Went Lily to seo And mashed was be. Her lonely condition caused him regret, He said, “1 bo Mr. L, by brevet On your tour Til be your right bower.” All went well A spell, ‘Til the time came to say farowell, And for England to sail; Fred turned pale, “Tata,” said the Jersey Lil “Fred, you're silly.” JAMES @. BLAINE, The Xylophone Solo. BY JEAN PIERRE. curious musical instrament came into prominence last winter, called the xylophone. It was simply a number of pieces of hard wood of graduated lengths, arranged on layers of straw, and struck with a small hammer. Played occasionally in orchestras, it was novel and elicited applause. It was found, however, that a closer acquaintance excited contempt and dislike —as we are about to relate. Mr. Whitetie, minister of the church in Shuftteville, lives on the corner of across street; on the other three corners are Mr. Misch, saloon; Mr. Freak, tinsmit and Mr. Hoop, board-yard. by his sister to go toaconcert in Shuffteville, and tere hear for the first time a xylophove solo, Listen to the Mocking Bin.” Like the rest of the listeners, he was much pleased, and the performer received im- Mr. Whitetié soon forgot about it, however, until his memory was revived about the be- ginning of last summer. It appears there was a rivalry among the daughters of the neighbors we have mentioned as to which should on the instrument first. It had always been an al pleasure of Mr. Whitetie to sit in bis stady in aminer, with all the windows open, and eateh the ssh air of b One night, while he was sitting ng thus, he heard, right across the way, at the nith’s, the sound of a xylophone, and he found that the performer was trying to learn the much-admired | solo, * Listen to the Mocking Bird.” Mr. Wi fF interested at first in the crude attempts of the beginner, but it soon grew quite monotonous, there being about as much music in the Whitetie was induced mense applause. tank, tank, tank; ta tank-a-tank, tank-tank, it went, and finally he found it was impos- sible to work, and he went down the street for a stroll. ke Bat the next night, soon after he had sat down to bis desk, determined to make up for lost time, he heard | the sound again--tank-a-tanka, tank, tank, tan! tank-a-tank, tank. A few minutes afterward be was horrified to hear an- other instrument of the same kind, tertured with the same tane—this at the saloon. ‘There was a dash about the playing of the new per- former which was exhilarating. She would stop every THEY MET ME IN THE DAY OF SUCCESS.—(Shakespeare.) now and then in her practicing, and ran her hammer up and down the keys very rapidly. Mr, Whitetie went to bed with a sick headache that night, and had xylo- phone nightmares But Mr. Hoop’s daughter was two nights afterwards he heard the n, and on the same tune—he given away free to all pure Poor Mr. Whitetie’s exist He was afraid tc ot far behind, and bird instrament id this a ent, a burden, r was 4 of the instru am complain, for the performers were his parishioners—and all the time the trouble worse. He was compelled to listen to three n birds now every night. First came tanka-tanka, tank, tank, tank from the tinsmith's daughter, then one a little higher, tink-a-tinka, tink, tink, tink; followed by the fair one of the board-yard—very tunka-a- tank-a-tunk, tunk, tunk, His congregation saw him growing pale and sa. thought he must be studying too hard,“ Bedi ce and hear some music somedime onist—utterly oblivious to the fact t Mr. Whitetie could enjoy it to the . But the end was approaching—he knew he could not last much longer as it was—his sleep was a continual nightmare—in which he dreamed that, armed with a terrible club, he was heating out the brains of hun- dreds of ladies with heads of mocking-birds. His mi ave way—as was shown conclusively when he went and bouzhit an xylophone. On this he now plays, in a maudl 1 Mocking Bind,” and seems entirely we ew cking- low. 8 1 soon Iy common with all living ereatu posed to are the most fi Punesotoay has never affected the market price of fine-tooth combs. Heads can be examined without using these nicely-split domestic utensils. comicbooks.com