Judge — March 31, 1883 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE SELF-SACRIFICING MINER. AY (071 OF WESTERN HEROISM AND DISINTEREST. | Turevening sun was re be Arizona lite cover all the valley fills A Fargo" yentered ina rocky So ading with ites Wocn a stagecoach (° W Preighted with a preclous wf fair wo ang nen and strong It hore alee g And great matl-teage he en naggets, Mog ven from the Mother Barth, tearing money, pain, or To the people anxiously waiting over yonder at Tacaon— As, amarting ‘peath the stinging hip, the horses gallopet on, When suddenly wash T™ nla shot far np thet se long Ana aa th with «moking rift, there was King mule, age-coach, whiried by animale in Leaped from his p stopped thetr mad career. See yer! tack tharin Dead Man's Gulch, which 1 hew j 1 ner the mornin’ drops of dew: Chattie Johnson my trne pal sence Porty-nin Hez jnst teen robbed of bis old skulp, down by the Devil's a people In the coach: fright, and dud the never get to T town nodriver fur to ran yer oid machine With rotnds « The pa Tale » full of terror at the dange rngers, with one acconl, the miner now did ty pllot through the pertis tn thet cap To gable them safe to Ti fen i wrh iy scornest thelr aveis pal Iee'd thy it hed do neh off 6 antain. ft wrmamd the Deaw alas Gok Utes dit now pees ait. Je heart? withoata thought « oe. those haoad a ilven = but'net for worliliy a can: circle * om at his and fbe drove the weary b wcade wivere 1 1 the rea at the Rridge—Jim Riadsoe a ever seen than this, tn any ei red miner, bat with courage unsarpaseet never see yer skulped, we'll shake th at is it yonder gleams, each ahle the mountain And hark! what t« that clicking noise, ¢cwn In that qalet Is it sheen of gitst’ping rides? 1 ‘Can It be tree that Indians are swarming ‘mong the rocks? sound of hammer-coct ‘Those passengers in future dasa, the narrative will tel How the miner kept his promise, ant saved their lives as ‘ Yes, they got Into Tucson, Ana the bat they watked in weak and mpathette miner was never seen no more. Was the miner lying stark and coh) beneath the moon so pale, Of scalp bereft by savage hones hock In that lonely valet On, no, my gentle reader counting up the ew That be, with other comrades, from those passengers ( dhag You see, the deadly bullet, whic Was dred by Deadsbot Billy, wt Of the wild. bloodthirsty wart Kel himself when robbing oF the driver's lit ‘an Imitation shout —the Tncompahgre Cte, Jet ont, that ‘The miner’s name wi throat Jack, who bossed the Job at day, J this scheme to get the stage off of the Ry tates of td tans Were peaceful at their agenc war-path courage lacked, veled way iF massacres, when the 1 in thet, So when he got that fated stage down by the given polnt, His gang showed up with loaded guns, to work thelr robhing * Jotnts ‘The miner () stopped the horses, and got down from perch on 1 those unarmed passengers, to * shell out ¢ dle"? h, or With whic The re pers took the hi » Tucson, which they reacbed at break © day! The moral of this rhyme I pl Neware the person baht Who'll Fisk bile life Iu soar tehalf and Acorns your paltry goh For hat has in mind to get It Likewiseqy our other valuables, as Cat-throat Jack has done The Government Expert on Whisky. By ue GAN He sauntered into MePhe of a mat xl the gov himself before the bar, card which re ns saloon with the air ‘nment, and squaring laid down on the top of ita who ow Joussos: Us. Jous J New York € “You will perceive by my cand which lies before sir,” began Mr. Johnson, “that [am one of th ed by the United States Govern- nt to inspect, sample, and report on the quality +, wines, and Leers sold inthe di trict over which T have th While the task i pf natural n recently appoi m au all the liquors, al not a congenial of is consid of my m ate frien so kind before mea whisky the onlinary brand, tomed to set bef the special artic You will p of your ry as you al as to set such acen eye Kept in a special bottle for special ery-day customers, and not MePhe: was completely overawed by the words riment inspector, and immediately s botite ruawot official drew from his pocket a pair fully adjusted them, pel the Lass in his hand, an. poured into it about three flnzers of bugjuice from the cottle. ying it carefully a moment, he took a sip, and then with a gulp sh whisky down into the stou:chic abyas whe in times gone by stored the fluids, Then t MePh “Tshoald j onlinary brand of whisky was up to the I will, therefore, rate you «A 1" on this and he proceeded to make some figures in a morandam-book. “Now, if you Mr. MePhearson, [ will sample a little of your Bourbon whisky,” remarked the inspector. The whisky was set forth, and the same operation gone over, ** sir, alittle of your American gin. Excellent, first elasa; good enoazh for any man, the expressions of apector, as he consecutively destroyed samples 1 Holland gin and a little of the + c” ning to that your argon, he remarked, please, wer the tic . MePhearson eyed the inspector with looks of aston. ishment as he stowed away specimens of rock and rye, French brandy, eider brandy, Santa Cruz, and Jamaica ran fercpersed the “hard stuf!” with samples of beer, port, sherry, Rhine, claret, and ale. By the time the government official had got away with sam- ples of the regalar stock of the bar, he began to become rather * budge, his expression savored of a con- dition in which a man conkd fin and fn consequence Mr. MePh as Al, with a star, for extra good. Having finished ap the solids, the inspector le the bar and addressed Mac as follows: + Hie—pretty good place—hie —hie—man, Do a pretty good—hic— McPhearson answerel that he was pretty well satisfied with the profits—-contln't complain, ete, “Now, then,” continned Me, Johnson, “I will pro- ceed, according to my instructions from headquarters, to aample and report on your mixed drinks. You may make me np a Tom and Jerry. “Tey?” inqnired Mac, “4 Thomas and—hie—Jeremiah, my friend,” replied the inspector. Now, look here, old man.” bezan the saloonist, “what'er yer givin’ me? T don’t believe you've got any right to sample mixed drinks.” ve got here, asiness? np | and their ne wh. Ain't t ter—hie—aampl dlrinks? Fl show yelled Johnson, ther mixed— —hle—what the U.S. Trot out yer—hie—Tom and Jerry, and —hie—don't yer forget it.” ot away with the Tom and Jerry st the bar; and just then three hie ov aud make it strom, Having himself asa in for a drink, “Come up and. he braced jn came hic—have »—hic—drink, with the elled the inspector,“ Name wz” with me xovernm hie» hie—drinkin nt yer— on boya—have a What'er yer Having got away with the round, the inspector gave a lureh to the leeward and yelled: whoeprla, hi—bie—racket for a year. Gim'me cigar this time.” id not a wond, but he reached for the it, h “Sete yup agin: hic—had seizin appeared from behind nt ingpector by the ¢ him a crack on the sconce that kuocked t fifty cents worth of liquor o and then with that peculiar eje long practice, lui ory movemer the government oficial into the street. | Mr John arks nobe- am jon, but was met hy companied by MePhearson, and again took a parquette seat in the gutter s Who was that fellow?" asked the MePhearson posed behind the bar. t Inspector of liquors ector? Oh, git out. three men + Govern ther any sneli office ‘Well, blast me,” yelled Mac, “if that fell careass with my liquor, and not a cont t for it, dust let me get hold of him he rushed out for the * inspector. * and Cats A cat is a animal four legs, one aped like a Panther. It has e, and two ears and and th bitants of the fence at tin “ood. tail, two eyes, one Thave laid i bed and listened to the eats scream hon! ot their parties, and their concerts, alls. They are the int 8 in the da; mniseblevons and sometines about five eat cats. As Thave said, a cat is shaped like a panther, tut their nature is not alike. A panther spends its time in the forest, while a cat spends its time in the house, or about somewher, 1 like doze as well as cata don't yout and it was as gentle alam by, and L loved her very e was gray, with white lea; 80 that ends my story f once had a cat er name was bat one da D COOK, aged 7. to the White House to President about the vacaney in the Board of Commis- sionera, which controls the District of Columbia, They were really prominent men, and for jer they did not havea name to propose. The most eloquent mer- chant in Washington presented the suggestions t delegation had to offer. They wanted to expat npon the ideal commissioner, a man of straw, ca folly dn The President listened attentively and kel tion admiring ¢ the won of a man 0 for the Pres en in 1884 by vec pt over the hamlsome face of as the merchant's periods were swinging away above Mont Blane.” Finally perfect, and the spokesman ronnding off with the peroration: And Mr. President. have yon such a man in view 7" * said Mr. Arthar “Ah, tha rest of the delegation drew closer. continued the merchant. ‘He is dead, the President, and the detegation withdrew, walking as dacks walk when wet clear to the pin-feathers,— San Antonio Evening Light. the picture was Yes his face, th Tue comet has at last span its tail and departed. comicbooks.com