Judge — March 17, 1883 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

REHEARSAL IN “1 do confess Lays only a butterfly on ney from every bud and biossons in my path Bertmaxn: STATESMEN'S AGENT. THE DEDICAPED TO THEODORE HAMILTON. The chosen bower, who wields presa power For the County Democracy For Il. 0. T. And his checks T'm always on the And a cold, co In the month of May, Will it be when left am Tt Outside of that, it's many a flat That I nail at Athanee! Press worker so boli, A jerker of cold All on the etrict Q T.t And the reason why, that Tam so fis, Will work ” a paper of any degree, The “Statesman's Agent”—(on the press ‘tis meant) Is what the boys call me, Fooling a Landlord. Tue recent death of a celebrated minstrel, whom for convenience, I will call Ben, reminds me of an in cident connected with my managerial career in th West, in which Ben bore a prominent part. There were six of us in the party, and we were financially stranded and working” our way toward home. morning after a twenty-fours' fast, we entered the lit- tle town of K——, and resolved to obtain a square hy means of cheek. I sought out the hotel and in- formal the landiord—who, 1 was a crusty that my minstrel troupe would give an enter- tainment that evening, and that we desired to remain at the hotel until the following morning. He assented, and the entire party partook of a bearty breakfast. We then proceeded to bill the town, engage a ball, and give a rebearsal, and then down to an excellent dinner. To our dismay the rain commenced falling right after dinner. After putting away a hearty supper we went over to the hall, lighted it up. and the boys proceeded to put on the cork, while I took my station eal old chap. THE 1 ganzy rein Eight o'clock. nine o' y individual appea k to the neil of war was helt in my roc pand went by Ac various plans were agent otel in a disconsolate and sht take moot ed by which we m | "French leave” of the hotel nl to steal down the stairs and out of the front door: but that plan was roted down for the reason that I had seen the lock the door and put the key in his pocket, same time looking at me in a suspicions manner. Then Joe R—, the tambonrinist of t to get ont of the win a sava ection Let's bay some poison it to the dog.” Buta search thronzh the pockets of th didn’t reveal a + red.” ack on his ch exclaimed: * An idea strikes me,” on the table until bis head re he quietly removed a trap-door, and after taking our andle, he drew himself up throug The place was a large cockloft, and unused, and Ben pro- posed that we all enter it, and re it nity wasafforded for a successful g that he could come down at night and forage in the pantry for food. We all went up bat Ben, who remained to arrange the furniture, and then by means of a rope which he had found there, and which we threw him, he ascended and closed the door, having first gone to the pantry and secured provision sufficient for twenty-four hours. The following morning we were voice of the gruff ofl landlord, who was using very pro- fane language at our supposed flight, and an bour later we saw through chinks in the boards, the entire village starting out in seareh of the “minstrel men.” That night Ben descended again and renewed bis at- tack on the pantry, The third night he returned in great delight, holding in his hand a piece of meat and a small white package. “This is bully,” he said; “it is arsenic, 1 suppose the old covey wants to poison rata, but we'll use it on the dog.” Ben rolled the piece of juicy beef in the arsenic and then let it down with a string. The savage old mastif gave a growl and snatched the meat. Then we waited Tt waa prope grow! below warned us of our danger in that ested Joe, “and give entire party n, who sat tilting ted to the evilin: Then opportu cape, sayit awakened by the J-story room, but | In half an hour the dog was arling and snapping, and ten minates later he gave a little yelp, and then we heard him kicking the ground vigorously, then all was still. We descended from our and by means of the rope we were soon on terra firma, apd we didn't allow the grass to grow our feet. We struck the railroad at the depot and a hand-car there, which we speedily placod track, and soon put ten miles between us and the old landlon, wr G, The Parson’s Surprise. ny STH LIBmaRtA Wues my younger sister and myself were wee tod- clergyman, fresh from Amherst and ordination, lived with the same family that boarded us, He was ry fond of Sis” from her baby days; taught her to 1d to speak plainly—'most too plainly as th proved. A ite salute a4 he entered the was “* Hello Sunday when his little friend in pinafores was taurant caster, bat about its iden- home took her to church for the nd [ must say that she behaved remarka! well, until her attention was attracted to a voice from pulpit, saying We will begin the morning's lesson by read- sereamedl into the dreadful echo of her p The good people involuntarily titte himself, took refus mother’s facial pr en promptly. sub- ny treble, 4, the dominie, while our plexity was totally eclipsed by father's in an ambiguous cou; ‘ildered in a sacred temple, jo call of electric 5 ¢ telephone palliated her grave offense. A Sale of Apples. Last week a young man this city, and inquired f official a a certain bank in When that and smooth-tongued an stated that he had been sent by Mr. C tioning a director of the bunk. Then he glibly told his story. He had purchased a larg ity of and packed them in half-barrels for shipment » Eng He learns t the firm to whom he was about to con quently t willing to sell them for $1.75 the balf barrel C— hail purchased one; wo another? But the cashier told him lyn + All right,” said the smooth young man, “Tl get an expressman,” and he went out of the bank. Half n hour later he a his appearance, armel with an express he half barrel of apple dlaly signed. 1th man $1.75 for the apples, and fifty cents for the ex- pressage, taking the receipt. Then Captain, the as , thought he would take a half barrel, and be paid for one. ‘The young man quickly departed. That night, when the cashier returned home, he said to his wife: + How did you like the apples” “What apples?” asked the lads The cashier, took a seat by the window, and watched for the coming of the expressman. He did not come. After two days had passed the cashier began to smell fa large-sized mouse. Now, when any one speaks of apples, the cashier quotes Scripture to himself and Caytain always fambles around bis revolver pocket. peared, the smooth-fac young apples were left on his hands Mr. n't the cashier buy lived in Brook: the cashier interesting young sistant cas! in surprise. Arter all the talk about * ved that he has gone to m credited to President Arthur as Envoys Plenipotentiary from her Majesty Ranovalana, Queen of Madagascar, comicbooks.com