Judge — February 3, 1883 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE PANTS OF LOVE. Acrubatie ability, Augustus leaped i the fence, Ho was full of an Unestrtined passion, a night of his mast #5; and hence He had leaped o'er the f At then Of bis ton ting duleitity an humidity of Anetta, Wolled up in the eyes sho drank i with avidity pidity, she determined to got a My look, sid Ane Now, there was on the premises A biood-thinty nemesis, Of pronouncedly caning atstrs A more ruthbess, or savager, Or more pitil 4 ravager, 1 LeOUserS Than t F made an infraction, nine abstraction, Asa strain most melodious Strick the zophyen, this val Despoiler put in an appearance, With cruel asperity And wondrous celerity, Of this concert-hall he made a c Augustus flew over the He feared amity Would happen; and, damn it, he Didn't want to ter chewed up; and henes He flow over the fe He couldn’, till recently, Show himself decently, For the d But ho k That of-t And indulges no more in love chants He romembors the 1g had the most of his pants, oops adark full history, The Man With The Funny Story. The ther afternoon while the editor, fanny man. obitaary conductor, and others of the learned stat! of the Carrotville Sentinel were sitting in the office of that influential + forty-tives.” Uh entered the clone ed in a quiet hth door opened sud game of aly and a ta om with the violence of a miniature ey Looki face, whieb wa: akin He wai good-hume stout, stron fellow, with a broad, nl from recent laughter, from late indulgence in the dhe was alee « sa emotion yer fanny mant? he exclaimed, excitedly, wtably on the h nze-box in close vielnity to the stove, fellow what mana © * Pearls 0” Humor * column! Let's see him, quick? I've got the all-tiredest fanniest chearn tell on, Ha! hat ta!—oht oh! And patting his head tack he until th into t hucklebecry-bush in a winter blast Casting aside the * band” he held, the © far of the Srrtinel hurriedly disentombed a pencil. and a greasy-looking note-book from the interior of Solomon Moses vest, and prepared to Jot down t side-splitting narrative, while the rest of the staff ¢ sisted from the game to pay atte “Come, go ahead, tell us your funny story.” sa the “funny-man,” impatiently, as the mirthful visitor continued to roar and shake, with no signs of stop- ping. story bh roared and guffawed and he shook like a tion, nai “Hat hat hat hat ha—ba-ha—ha! bat obt oht oh fob {ool ! oh!" laughed the latter, his face as ralas a boiled lobster,and his mouth stretched from ear tocar, “Oh! dear, my jaws'll crack, sure! Oh! oht holy Saint Peter! my sides bust! Oh!—oh! 00-0000! And after laughing until he nearly bad a ft-and drove the listeners almost wild with impatience, Ine mastered his emotion sufficiently to speak, but in sp: modic gasps. THE JUDGE. Wt was the funniest thi er, but it was the dern Better than a cireus. “Yes, yes," said the | Svubd have a fresh yet! hh dang my yric~ 1 comiculest scene | ever Mat hat bat” “funny oxy saw pro And wetting the paint of his pencil, he settled 1 | to work, while the man with the funny story wiped his eyes with his coat-cutf, and continued: ST just saw it awhile thought Td come up here an’ tell yw of it. bein’ as ft was—ha! ha! ha! such « good thing, yer know, Yer see, it was this way—ha tha! ha! ho Aud the r mirthful individual was seized ho thot 02—00—00 P lection proving too much for him, the with a fresh tit roared again, while his he nt themselves lai vulsed vi funny-man” md * ub also as they zazed upon his red, ¢¢ ely was huing himself for a comic story, bui claimed: a, yea agi 800; zo on, go on.” It was this way.” pursued. the visitor, as the ¢ uf was again rou: Colonel MeT | “Do we know Colonel MeTatty nt *fauny-man,” sharply. built? Why, of eon man in the town, Go ahead, please Well, an’ yer know Major € him, to0 “Why L into service. + You all know “Do New Yorkers know © we know him, the tirst ricomb - yer know f course, you foo—1 mean, certainly we know him,” stammerad the of Mark Twain, almost wild with impatience, “who doesn’t know Major Curricomb Iu Carrotvill iscip Well, Colonel MeTatty jajor Curricomb— they've been mortal enemies, ye know, ever since last town ‘lection, wh colonel run for Mayor an' w by the Hefea e both, awhile ay wr Main street, the major of the ¢ dog, Towser, walking a few yards in 1, who bad his big Newfoundland comin’ outer Here the eth, ane fy ker was taken with another spasm of a Ume was unable ty slo anything kind of « logt ha! hat hat—yer kno is, full 0° the devil, feather, when, all of a sa ni! ha! ha! hat het he!—oht oh! ehosiphat! UL ef And with these tions, he stopped at the most int esting part of his story and gutfawed to his heart's content, ry of impatie Yeu n, hastily ser bling down thes U thie eat ae Ves, tell us wh yelled the wits When, all Behind thy what + racing png un hig jump 2 his hearers ina funny particnl aeat major,” continued the mirthful individual the coat-cail was hreught into requisition for the tenth time, “ant if there's” anyth 1 MeTatty’s hates more than another, its a cat xo. whe ml that eat, whieh he did int for itlike a streak 6° chain-light there was! he! het het Th er, andl y with fright hee-tine for Major Curricomb, and ran straight 1 by Towser, Well n, the cat excaped, but the first Uh ricomb knew, his legs flew up in the body struck the ground with a thad that would have mashed him to.pieces only for the whole w ila, hat hat ha—comi ser. on whem he fell. Ht hot hot Yu And he succumbed to another paroxysm You fellers bad orter been there. I thort I'd die "t Towser began ter how! like a legion o° ends Jed to free hisself from the major, who, blind with anger, pounded an’ shook an’ clawed at him as if he was another dog, too. Hat hat ha! Well, Towser got mad ae’ the major got madder, an’ man an’ dog rolled over and over teartn’,at each other like a couple ers, Oh! Lond, what a circna it was! het he! li verybody was lan; an’ the noize ter raise th ‘Some ‘ncoura: most er: is legs, hotly pur oat oht oo—eo—oo! Oh Lord, pin’ ant paving. repeated the impa- | Tos weer a ‘lone ht ob! rendered bin | heap of exchan: aad kicked and rol vain did the man" re | thing b “Well, t the editor in disgust A nice p: jared at Uh some put in MeTafly cain n for the tim siitor, « yway Y Hil work itup for my red ju “a A mil te | the title of a piece a rag store, edint Confound the blanked wliot! 1 ns to get us on a string, w-bank Sees in the daily. Editor-in-cbief iuiotic and ancient plece of alleged I American journal’ Ob Jited pape ing in de and w and si The hie night AN editor w' e, but posit othe vice ato ton corn an from took her home, revenge by + Another Old A Bestox weekly has Wats, street max rs Left. Vaypennttr bas at 1 and g question—will he sta, under this s with the fanny story, and dr; opened it and fired th where hi ab—I it it vent xan drop of water bad bee Iways declared th ife doesn't or her husba ollar stor he je the yor new Werk, of mu © Pm etic tale,” ) but char major, the major glared el rushed at the major—an’ 000! oh! Lord, ob! Lord!” This time his hilarious 1 helph 3 on to the fh west him to proceed; he was 3.0 buss funny story, a WW Garvered sheave appositic mirthful individu lay for fiftee nz in a paroxysm of ce of a New York «hil Who'n, see, There's a mistake, The paragraph was clipped from a Low r and the wrong credit’s got attached, vm. Come to re thing. Might have ki is called the e the amount of water consumed, mil's vest, and at the expirat nl it, it drank know whieh is the fraud—the A yorse girl with her hair nicely ho never dreamt sic, blushed an: @ neighbor Where; heading Read and Run. ei have seen of it, we wonld advise th er to run first. arti bank account, was cut 0 ng town, pon the accou yar nl ‘ome shi v ken good word for the said the obitn: ried the waltzed in fal clerk, ecenter, asked her what ebe would have, she | Will you Meet Me Tonight at the najor, up like a Bre-engi at him, an’ was so severe that it and Le fell off the re he roared or, W blue blazes is y-mana; on be srabbed the man minutes, rity. sheet” thunder put th mor in the p n comic wee Editor-n-et T see that American t was not of Ht.” waterphone,” 10 Mrs. Bel rivances between the n of showed that not a As Mr. Is nothing stronger than 1 shim. with his b that this was J stammeral, | inl to nother woman of une t by who married her and mlitor sought a mean | nt of her from What little we Ne Bot will b Let us| Hope for the bé pert-plaster for wounded honor: A verdict for the ntiff. ‘amb * ArTHR mad.” 1 tie aay! n igity be, ponsle er for The mat once? Tur New Jersey Assembly, having chose peaker, the m Hands all ‘round!” ! why haa veracious Washin a profes- notto for the present nthe committed comicbooks.com