Judge — January 20, 1883 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. Miss Littay ResseLt, you have been very ill, and several times when the fatherly old Jepcr heard that the angels were tapping at your door, he felt a pan which plerced a heart which is as big as it was n many years ago, before Tue Jepcr’s one or two te maining hair's began toturn gray, The okt man, not- withstanding that he is practical and sometimes stern, felt aggrieved at hearing of your painful iltness. For you are a very pretty girl. Your petite person is more attractive than that of the boasted English beauty, Mra. Langtry. At the same time, you, who are #0 pretty, had enemies, and the New York Truth was right when it said that there are no meaner gossips than those who are in the theatrical profession. Tie Jepur will refer to that at greater length some ether tm The thing that Tux Jepce wishes to say is that you 1d allow people to worship your beauty afar oft. Thick garments are necessary for your protection when you leave the bot theater at night. Your throat should be bundied. You should be careful of your health. There are homely women on the stage; and you are a rose ame Do not go to late suppers. Do not le flattered by ridiculous fools, You, who are so pretty, most certainly be careful and good, go that good old men like THe Jepcr, who loves beauty and song in a natural and innocent way, may have his old age charmed by your face and your voice. sho Mr. Frenenick Gentian, your letter has been pub- lished. Atleast, a letter has Leen published, which probably is not yours, bat some drunken fool's; and your name has been sigued to it by some enemy of yours, This is too bad. You have recently had your name coupled by the gossips with that of Mra, Langtry; and the American pablic tis Leen as chantable concern. ing you and ber as you two have been towards yourselves. American pablic opinion is tolerant, procrastinating, and good-natured, It waited long before saying much, In fact, it is only too ret You, not the newspapers, have been the cause of the gossip, could have stopped itat the first breath. This is no American affair, This is not “the American girl” about whom the English newspapers talk. This is not American young man of whom, many years ago, Trollope wrote, This is not the American young man aboat whom Dickens wrote after he bad got drunk on the young man’s brandy, in the American yoang man’s room, We have treated this gossp much more leniently than any Enghshman treats an American escapade. W 1 no more, and nothing more lndignantly than the Canadians say when two Druisers invade the provincial soil for the purpose of having a prize-fight. At the same time, we have not liked! the parade you have made. Y% to advertise your own affairs. You have displayed little wit In the matter, You did not have the redeem- Ing qualities of Alcibiades. You, Mr. Gebhard, have been imposed upon most cruelly. The letter which bears your name coukl not have been writtes by a gen- Ueman, No gentieman ever volunteers to defend the cha amarried lady. That is the duty of ber hasband. The ass who wrote about the lady, in the letter to which he must have forged your name, speaks about ber asa stranger {na strange land. The man who wrote that letter is a liar; this 1s not a stranze land. Nor was the “lady a stranger. time, Mr. Gebhard, when you discovered that «the re. marks" could bave been stopped, you should have let Mra. Langtry zo to Chicago and Boston while you made A short trip, Just to avoid gossip. to Cuba, or Jamaica, of Ireland, of some other hot country. t now, ever a have seemed acter At the same Govrnson Guoven Curvetaxn, the Sun saya that you are an honest but ignorant man. This action of the Sua ia significant. It means that Mr. Charles A. Dana has taken you in hand. Mr. Dana is a man worth stadying; but yoa will never know him. Goethe alone could have stadind Mr. Dana—Goethe, a critic who could see the ensemble of characteristic, and not like the so-called analysta—the Poes, Hawthornes, | are of no more account thai Hagos, Carlylea, who, with the scientists, build up an imaginary man from a shred or a bone. The strength of Dana is thing which he uses with what seems to Le indifferent simplicity, as Daly nurses billlant balls Bat giants always use their strength in that w When Samson carried away the gates of Gaza be pat on no more airs than the sandw' advertising sign. Mr. Dana uses Cobbett might have written; bat he can write in Italian, if he chooses; sind he is #0 learned that Tue Jenor would not be surprised if he heard him speak in modern Greek. Mr. Dana is a healthy ma hates buncombe, who knows the proper wine for a fish, who can write a comma that hits hike a Mi let, and who will insist upon the virtues of I Brahma fowls, although Tux Jepor is of the mot but tirm opinion that the journalist would find great ver-penciled Hamburgs, which are as oo layers as the games, and have as delicate flesh ch pallets, This critic has taken yon, Mr. Grover Cleveland, in band, and he evidently ineans to make a great man of you, or make you sick of your- If, Mr. Cleveland—Grover—not that you are as in nocently frolleaome as a big New Foundland animal, but that you are eminently new—may you not the ostrich, and hide your head in the sand in on that it may not be hit by the al of Mr. Dana's boot? You are not a learned man; and in your efforta to be honest you tried to be independent—even of books, You should have souzhit ihe advice of s« wise man, as Seward sought Weed's, as ( Fish’s. There were Tiklen, Seymoui State, You could have done no better than to con Mr. Dana himself, who, even if be had been to help you directly, could ablest have told yc to find the primers of poliues. He says that you a ignorant in your Ii So thinks also Tu: Jee The breezes of the fresh-water lake have been reared have left your syste That is, you are too fresh, who aie bul pitate business pest, F which 3 without sult, LAPHAM, You are the eldest of th ‘ougress represent the great pire state of New York. Yet Tue Jepce ventures y that if your name were not thas mentioned in print, and if the fact were not stated that you Senator, not one person ina hundrl thousand woul! know who or what you are. Lapham! Lapham! You might be a baker's oF a pohceman’s side partner at poker, and you would be more known than youare now, You con't amount to anything at all You area good enough man, You are a good fellow ina sort of stupid way. You only illustrate the fact that when the half-breed Republicans looked about for a Senator from the State of New York they showed how weak, J, namby-pamby, fore-s ea, al, flabby and silly they were. assistat eather-bral piece of sta a do not ami ns with the ping ta is old axe forget that you too are You will soc enty years okl. It ls t at when yo school and had Douglas for mate, you did not acquire from association with him some little bright much asa paper of j Jepae does uot 1 an old man. en out. were at Stepl class. Perhaps, however, you kept him back, and if be had never t school with you, he might not have acquired that little bit of stupidity which, amid all bis brightness, prevented him from being President of the United You studies es acivil engineer may have made your habit formal. But there is Thomas Hardy, who is a brizht writer, and yet be was a civil Very much depends upon the man, a8 well as upon his traning, You had long been a Congressman before y made a Senator; but you were never a brilliant man You illustrate, as Tie Supe: has already told you, th silly stupidity of the half-breed endof the dying Repub- licai You sucecedied and beat Roscoe Conklins, who, whatever may be said of his good of of his bad qualities, was an interesting character, without stu- pidity. Tn these days of somnolence and lethargy in American society and politics, the people wish some- thing striking. You succeeded Roscoe Conkling; chack beef after truffles and little peas. The balf- breeda went fishing for tront, and canght a catfish. It would be vulgar to repeat, which Tae Jcpor la careful not to do, the words of some of your stalwart enemiea, nin the same eer. ou were party. | ample, the World having, that the half-breeds went trout tithing and caught a sucker. That would be (oo had. Ove esteeme ry, the Sin, 1 ng its other numerous and Varied attraction, a Washington fashion correspond- nt, of a rich, rare amd racy type—one who not only knows what is what, but ig equally well versed in the art of putting things picturesquely and in order. Writing of the reception recently ( J General and Mra. Grant, at the mansion of Mr. Beale, he playfully “Mra. Grant and Mrs. Beale received—two elderly women, dressed within an inch of their lives, each with a necklace of precious stones hung around her neck that made ber look like a Christ- mas turkey.” As a model for doing-up the * fasbion- ables” in a free-and-vasyeofl-hand style. Tae Jepar conlially commends the formzoing to the eurefal stady and worthy emulation of his loss estermed and leas en- terprising contemporary, the Hebrew Hom amd always enterprising cor nbers a npora- Ove journalistic friends of th exchange compliment with this sort of hack-seratebing be carried to much greater length, we fear some envious contemporary Will accuse the metropolitan journals of membership in some gort of mutual almiration society. For ex- twen led into a passing ob 1 -V. sheet (V ly press continue to at reciprocity. Should servation that the Times was a V. and Y. standing for venerable and venerated, we sup- pose), the latter, not to be outdone in courtesy, prominently advertised the former as having. fifteen subscribers. [f true, this latter announcement is very encouraging for the World, and will probably take some of Its frienda (Mr. Jay Gould among the number) quite by surprise. Still it occars to us that such obvi- «ly preconcertal puffin what out of place e like New York—especi in the belief and assertion that once lied about usamd oar political pods 40 abominably! is som in a grown-up villa HL #0 positiv DE LUNATIC Tur. silvery moon is winking, Anil ars up there at is the old man thinkin INQUTRENDO. He's thinking that by If rinking he'd only But as he cannot dare he rinking He ait in his own arm-chair. —The Lunatt-? Own (Moon, rinking— Some jokes are like wine mellower they become, The older they grow the We note mong the bas just n late arrivals that of George ued from an extended pilgrim ¢ abroad. Soctal jou inn Elk, ral history: Wi she, or it, ques nd why should hi at is an ea society? Ronrsoy won't have a for Good for the missivn, Ave to come (with many): Dotage. Ir is the Lottom dollar that connts. ATIER more “Limited” just now than form * Tue Couperative Dress Association ”- ly: eh, Misa Field fly): Sterv and nonsense (chi jed religious weeklies. The contents of oar Posrriveny the worst Yankee Notion out: Butler. Ben Hist to the temperance folks: Look to it that Con- gress pats no premium on Porter, Wanrasren to care heartburn: Marriage. (It pl] Daxarrovs animals at all seasons: The balls and bears of Wall Street. comicbooks.com